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22 February 2007 @ 07:59 am
QaF standalone from the vaults "A Night at the Liberty Baths"  
I just realized that I had never added this story to my memories and that I couldn't because I never posted it on my lj. So I know most of my f-list has read this story. It was the fic I did for the dare_challenge back in September.

My brain seems to be stuck at this moment and I'm trying to write the next chapter of the cannibal fic but RL and shit keep getting in the way.

For those of you who haven't read it - here it is. I mainly posted just to get it on my lj.



Title: A Night at the Liberty Baths
Pairing: Brian/Justin; there's also a threesome
Warnings: None
Timeline: Season 2
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Two detetcives must question their two only coherent witnesses in order to find out what transpired that night at the Baths to cause the riot.
Genre: Crack, baby!

Disclaimers: I don't own Cowlip or the boys. My family won't let me own any power tools either.






"State your name for the record please."

"Emmett."

"Full name sir."

"Oh sorry," Emmett tittered. "Emmett Honeycutt. I also go by the name of Fetch Dixon..."

"Your given name is sufficient. Can you please go over the events that took place tonight that led to the riot at the bath house to the best of your recollection Mr. Honeycutt. And please, start at the beginning."

"Well, it all started at the diner."

"The diner, Mr. Honeycutt?"

"You know, you can call me by my first name - Mr. Honeycutt was my daddy," Emmett tittered again.

"Please Mr. Honeycutt - do not stray from the questioning. You said 'the diner.' To what diner are you referring to and does it have any relevance to the events in question?"

"Why yes! And I'm of course talking about the only diner in all of gay Pittsburgh, the Liberty Diner," Emmett said with a wave of his hand.

"Thank you Mr Honeycutt and please no more grandstanding. Please leave that to the lawyers. So do go on."

Matt was getting one of those headaches, you know the kind - they start at the nape of your neck and move all along the back of your head and into your temple to the point where someone blowing your head off with a sawed-off shotgun is actually a good idea. The kind that makes your eyes water and tilts the world on its axis. Detective Matt McConkey wasn't even supposed to be here as it was his night off and he was only covering for Detective Johnny Frye so he could be at the birth of his first child. He couldn't figure out why he couldn't have gotten Carl to cover for him tonight - something about Carl having a second date with some hot number - a red head if the rumors were anything to go by. Jim himself had asked Matt to cover the night shift tonight. He asked him to do it for him as a favor, almost as if that was some great privilege and wouldn't anyone want to have that privilege bestowed on them by their esteemed Chief of Police. After tonight, he decided he wouldn't be voting for Jimmy for mayor when he ran next year. Fuck that.

Of course, what Jimmy didn't know was that he wouldn't have voted for him anyway.

The day actually had started out as a pretty good day. Matt had finally come into the 21st century and had purchased hi-speed cable internet and had it installed that very day. Now his wife could order things quicker on-line (thereby getting them deeper into debt quicker also), his teenage daughters who were already ignoring the family could ignore them even more by being attached to the computer and their chat groups and finally he could access those sites that were not 'dial-up friendly,' not that he was so inclined to those sites, or so he liked to believe. So here he was, stuck on what was supposed to be a quiet, uneventful night but no, the fates wouldn't hear of that. Instead, in what would be the first riot anyone knew about at the Liberty Baths, he was trying to get to the bottom of what exactly it was that had happened to cause there to be approximately fifteen people down in holding, and him questioning the only two coherent witnesses to the event in question He just hoped the second witness was not as bad as this one.

"Anyhow, as I was saying, it all started at the diner...," Emmett continued.

"Did you see that? That gut keeps staring over here," Emmett said.

"You mean the little guy with the glasses who orders all his food on different plates?" Ted asked.

"No, no, no. The big one - that big beautiful bear over there who looks just like Brian Dennehy!"

Brian, Ted and Justin turned around to look at who Emmett was talking about.

"Emmett! That's not a bear - that's a fucking Kodiak!" Ted said with his eyes going wide.

"I think he's been staring over here, wanting to get to know one Fetch Dixon," Emmett sing-songed while sitting up straighter in the booth.

"Shit Emmett. He'd split you in two! You'd be better off with the guy with the plates," Brian sneered.

"Everyone wants a big, strong type every once in awhile. Aren't I right Justin?" Emmett asked while turning his attention to Justin.

Justin spluttered his Coke while Brian sat arching his brow at him.

"Yeah Justin," Ted chimed in, "wouldn't it be nice to have a big, strong type, you know instead of..."

"Don't even think of finishing that sentence, Schmidt," Brian said while pointing his finger precariously at Ted.

"Oh my God. He's coming over here," Emmett said excitedly while clapping his hands.

"Hi," said the rather large land mass who had sauntered over to their booth.

"Good opening line," Brian said.

The man didn't even acknowledge Brian while he leaned over and looked squarely at Justin. "Did it hurt?"

Justin looked around the table not quite getting what he was being asked. "Did what hurt?"

"When you fell from Heaven?" The man then winked and walked away while keeping an eye on Justin.

"Oooh he likes you honey," Emmett gushed.

"Did you hear that load of crap? That line went out with the Jurassic Period. 'When you fell from Heaven,'" Brian said while chuckling. Brian drank some of his water and swallowed while keeping an eye on the land mass who was still looking over at Justin.

Justin feeling a bit uncomfortable got up to finish taking orders and cleaning the tables.

"Well, it's not like anything's gonna happen," Ted said, "not with your dating rules. I mean, it's not like you're going to let him anywhere near Justin's ass."

"What's that supposed to mean? That's not one of the rules," Brian said quickly.

"So, if Justin wanted to get fucked by someone else, you're okay with that?" Ted asked incredulously.

"Well, yeah, if I wasn't that would imply that I was jealous of anyone getting near his ass and as you all know, I don't do jealousy."

"Yeah but..."

"Justin's bottom," and while Brian said that he cleared his throat, "his very tight, very pert bottom, does not belong to me." Brian then leaned back onto the booth while watching the man and Justin at the same time, but trying not to look like he was.

"So, if Justin wanted to have a threesome, like you guys do on date night, with the Kodiak over there, you would be okay with it," and then Ted chuckled, "cause I gotta tell you Brian, I don't think that guy would take too kindly to being yours and Justin's bottom boy for the night."

"I'd be fine with it - if that's what Justin wanted." Brian once again took a sip of his water and swallowed, holding his glass rather tightly Emmett noticed.

"So, if we were to, let's just say make a gentleman's bet and say that you wouldn't dare go over to the Kodiak and told him we would all be at the baths tonight..."

"I'll do it," Brian said as he placed his glass back down onto the table, rather harshly.

"You mean you'll let him fuck Justin? You're serious," Ted asked, once again chuckling.

"Are you daring me?" Brian asked with one raised eyebrow.

"Yes, I guess I am," Ted answered immediately.

"Okay. You'll see, it won't bother me." Brian took another sip of his water. He then walked over to the man, who's name happened to be Kevin and walked back to the booth.

"It's set - he'll meet me and Justin at the baths tonight at 10:00 sharp," Brian said looking anywhere but at Emmett and Ted.

"Well we'll all be there as I wouldn't want to miss this - besides, I need to make sure that this will actually happen - that you'll go through with the dare...," and then Ted was cut off by Justin approaching the table.

"What dare?" Justin asked.

"Um, I said I would dare you while we were in a threesome with that guy over there," Brian pointed to the Kodiak. "Oh and yeah, his name's Kevin by the way, anyways, I would dare you to do that thing that you do while we were in a threesome with Kevin at the baths tonight," Brian babbled on.

"Okay, what parallel dimension did I just step into?" Justin asked with his hand on his hip. "First off, a threesome with him? And what thing that I do?" Justin asked while shaking his head.

"You know that thing."

"Oh, the thing," Justin nodded while it dawned on him.


"What thing?"

"Huh?" Emmett asked, not liking being interrupted while he was relating his story.

"The thing," Matt's partner, David asked. "What's the thing that Justin would do?"

"David, it's not really important right now. We'll find out about it later," Matt said.

"Yeah but it seems important now. And why did Brian do that - lie to Justin?" David asked while furrowing his brow.

Emmett looked at the two detectives.

"Well isn't it obvious? He didn't want Justin to know he was being dared to let Justin be fucked by someone else. He couldn't let Justin know that we knew that Brian would be jealous if someone else fucked his Sunshine."

"Sunshine? What the fuck?" Matt asked.

"That's Justin's nickname."

"Cute, can we please continue on with the story?" Matt asked in exasperation.

"I don't know," David said, "I got lost after the 'he knew and we knew.'"

"Shut it David. Please Mr Honeycutt."

"Emmett."

"Whatever, just continue."

"So where was I?" Emmett asked no one in particular as he stared off into space trying to remember where he had left off. "Oh yeah."

"You know that thing?"

And Justin nodded while it dawned on him. "Whoa, whoa. That guy in a threesome with us? Um, he doesn't exactly look like the type that will bend over for either of us Brian. How did you get him to agree to it?" Justin asked as he sat down while drinking his Coke.

"I told him he could fuck you."

Justin spit his Coke all over the table.

"You what? Brian! How dare you offer my ass up for some...some stupid dare! No I won't do it. He'll cut me in half! No," Justin said while nodding his head and crossing his arms over his chest and sticking his chin out. Justin looked over at Kevin who smiled and winked at him again.

Brian whispered something into Justin's ear and then Justin turned three shades of red, smiled and said, "okay I'll do it."


"So what," David asked, "did Brian say to convince Justin to do it?" Matt and David leaned over the table waiting for Emmet to answer.

"That, gentlemen, is something that we'll never know," Emmett said while shaking his head.



"State your name for the record."

"Mr. Theodore Schmidt."

"Thank you Mr. Schmidt."

"I'd also like to add, I am not Keyser Soze," Ted said while laughing.

Oh God, Matt thought, more Keyser Soze jokes. "Wow, that's original Mr. Schmidt. I haven't heard that one before."

"Really?"

"No Mr. Schmidt. I was being facetious. So as I was saying - we have all the information regarding what transpired at the diner. Mr Honeycutt was very forthcoming regarding that however, when we asked him about the baths, all he said was and I quote, 'we went to the baths, Kevin, Brian and Justin had sex and then there was a big fight,' end quote. I need someone to elaborate on that a bit."

"It figures Emmett, I mean Mr Honeycutt, would say that. Despite everything he's done, he gets embarrassed when relating sexual escapades to people he doesn't know very well," Ted said while feeling apologetic on Emmett's behalf.

"And you Mr Schmidt, I take it are the kind of person who can?" Matt asked.

"Well yes," Ted spluttered, "I mean, well, I do run a well established porn site...."

"Jerk-at-work.com," David said.

Both Ted and Matt looked over at David.

"Well, I saw him write it on the report...not that I jerk off at work or visit the site or....so start from the beginning Mr Schmidt," David quickly said.

Ted settled back into his seat, took a deep breath and began, "so we get to the Liberty Baths...."

Justin, Brian, Ted and Emmett walked into the main room at the bathhouse. Kevin stepped out of another door, looked over at Justin and eyed him with a big smile.

"You know," Justin said as he turned to Ted and Emmett while Brian walked over to Kevin, "I think I actually have butterflies in my stomach. I mean, it is kind of exciting. I've never been with someone so big as him. I don't do fat but I think this might be different. Oh and by the way, I know you dared him to see if he would let someone else fuck me."

"You know?" both Ted and Emmett asked in surprise.

"Please, I'm starting to understand him even though he is really hard to read sometimes," Justin said. Emmett noted he said the last little bit with what seemed like sadness.

"You know he cares for you, don't you Justin?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, yeah, right whatever," Justin said while waving it away.

"Are you going to still do that thing you were going to do because I really want to know what that thing is," Ted asked.

"Oh yeah, I'll do it," Justin said with a little mischievous smile. Ted and Emmett looked at each other noting that it would be an interesting night indeed.

Brian motioned Justin over to him and Justin went over to the two waiting men.

"Okay, you brought me the kid. Go now," Kevin said while looking at Justin and licking his lips.

"I said threesome. Do you not understand the meaning of the word?" Brian asked irritably.

Kevin huffed his disapproval but decided if this was the only way to be with the boy, who he had been eying since coming to Pittsburgh (why anyone would voluntarily eat the food in that diner was beyond him), then so be it.

Kevin took his towel off and Brian and Justin stared at the man's groin - or more specifically, his cock. His rather large, thick cock.

Justin gulped again. Kevin then sat down against the wall while straddling the bench and motioned to Justin. In a trance-like state, Justin moved over, straddled the bench and then sat on Kevin's lap.

"And how exactly am I supposed to get in on the action if you have him facing you on the bench?" Brian asked annoyed.

"Use your imagination," Kevin said.

Brian straddled the bench right behind Justin, rubbing his cock up against his partner's lower back. Justin suddenly realized that he was most definitely the bacon, lettuce and tomato in a BLT.

Kevin started to lean in for a kiss on Justin's mouth.

"Whoa there, Keith," Brian said halting the large man's progress.

"Kevin..."

"Whatever. There are some rules. No kissing on the mouth is the main one. Actually that's the only one. So, continue," Brian said, while waving his arm.

Kevin gave Brian a disgusted look. "Oh come on. The kid's mouth was made for...," then Kevin looked at Brian's expression. "Okay, okay." He started nuzzling on Justin's neck. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah," Brian said.

"Oh yeah...," Justin said dreamily.

Brian poked Justin in the back with his cock for effect causing him to yelp.

Justin rutted against Kevin and Brian rutted against Justin for awhile until Kevin said he needed more. He reached over for lubricant and started to finger Justin, slowly opening him up as Justin continued to move up and down on the large man's lap, his gaze oozing the lust he was feeling deep into his pores...


"Deep into his pores? Please Mr Schmidt - no more of this...this romantic fluff. Just the facts - no embellishing. This isn't some third rate, trashy romantic novel. 'His pores,'" muttered the detective. "Who the fuck talks like that? Continue."

"So as I was saying," Ted said while clearing his throat.

After Kevin prepared Justin sufficiently for penetration, and then sheathed his phallus with a condom...

"Not so clinical Mr Schmidt - just tell the fucking story as if we're not here," Matt said while trying to adjust better to his seat. He noticed David was having the same problem.

Ted gave a long suffering sigh and then continued with his tale...

So after he lubed Justin and then put a condom on, Justin lifted himself up and then impaled himself on the very large, throbbing organ causing both Kevin and Justin to shudder involuntarily, Justin throwing his head back onto Brian.

Brian started to suck at Justin's neck and lave it with his tongue while whispering into Justin's ear. "Tell me what you feel."

Justin continued to move and writhe on the large man's cock while moaning, making little mewling noises that were driving not only Brian and Kevin insane but had garnered the attention of everyone else in the room.

"Oh God, Brian, I can feel everything," Justin gasped in between his gyrations. "He's rubbing that spot...uhm....oh....yeah...the spot...oh God....every time I move," and after that Justin's words consisted of a mass of moans, gasps and whimpers.

Kevin kept interspersing nuzzling at Justin's neck with watching the boy's face as it contorted into ecstasy. The large man stole a few glances at the man behind Justin who was holding onto the boy while slowly stroking his cock and nibbling at his ear. Occasionally he would see the older man whisper things into his partner's ear, Kevin looking on with longing and wishing that he could be in on their private conversation.

As Justin circled his hips over Kevin's cock, speeding his thrusting, his moans getting louder, Kevin did the unthinkable and reached over for a quick kiss on the lips he had been looking at. The slow ministrations stopped and Brian got up quickly.

"I said no fucking kissing on the mouth," Brian accused. Justin continued on with his writhing on Kevin's lap while Kevin held onto Justin's forearms, making sure the boy's angry partner didn't get any bright ideas.


"Okay Mr Schmidt - you're superimposing your thoughts onto that of Mr. Donoran. This is all speculation. Please stick to the facts."

"Well, it's not speculation when you can tell what he was thinking. I think he was seriously afraid Brian was going to take off with Justin."

"And just why would you say that?" Matt asked while putting his hands to his temple.

"Because Brian did try to take off with Justin," Ted said.

"Hey, don't do that," Kevin roared. "I won't kiss him again, okay?" And with that Kevin pulled Justin back down onto his cock while Justin moaned quite loudly, making everyone else in the room notice it.

"You had your chance Orca." Brian then pulled Justin up by his forearms to take him off Kevin.

"Let's fucking be reasonable here," Kevin stated while pushing Justin back down onto him.

And this was how it continued for the next ten minutes. Brian pulling Justin off and Kevin bringing Justin back down, with Justin moaning and exclaiming with each and every tug of his arms, everyone else deliciously along for the ride.


"Um, Mr Schmidt, are you," and Matt cleared his throat, "are you jerking off under the table?"

"No...no sir," Ted replied shaking his head from side to side with a very guilty look on his face.

"Yes, you were. Weren't you?" Matt asked while grabbing his temples.

"He was Matt, I know he was," David said. David shifted in his seat once more.

"Well come on," Ted exclaimed. "You had a Justin-tug-o-war going on - it was fucking hot! Okay? Shit. Justin makes these cute little noises when he's excited, and the way his butt bounces up and down..."

"Mr Schmidt, please, don't. Let's just get on with the story and Mr Schmidt?"

"Yes?"

"This is very important. We need to know exactly what transpired tonight. It is very crucial that you do not leave out even one minute detail. Is that understood?"

Ted looked at the two detectives who were leaning in on him, waiting for his answer.

David reiterated, "every last detail."

Ted cleared his throat and continued.

As they kept pulling Justin on and off, Justin suddenly screamed as his orgasm ripped through him, drawing Kevin's orgasm from his as well. Justin lay shivering against Brian's chest as Brian's orgasm tore through him and like a line of dominoes, everyone else in the bathhouse came as well.

As everyone lay panting, trying to catch their collective breath and cleaning themselves, Brian grabbed Justin from behind, turned him around and impaled Justin on his own cock. As they rocked back and forth, Justin and Brian moaning in time with each other, Justin once again getting very excited as he was being fucked for the second time in such a short period of time, new noises started issuing out of Justin's mouth. Everyone in the room turned to listen, not quite believing what they were hearing


"Noises...noises?" Matt asked while crossing his legs, one over the other.

"Yeah, um, it's the thing that Justin does that Brian had talked about before that...Justin sometimes does...and I'm babbling right now, aren't I?" Ted asked feeling suddenly uncomfortable relating the tale.

"Yes, yes you are. What thing is it that the boy does...did...had done?" Once again David and Matt had shifted in their seats.

"Well you can imagine how surprised I was when he started doing it. I mean, he must have practiced it after seeing the movie...but to see someone else doing it. I wonder if he and Daphne picked it up and he did it once with Brian and it turned Brian on..." Ted was lost deep in thought as Matt pulled him back.

"Mr Schmidt! Do not digress! What is this thing?"

"He...well...he started to speak....," Ted stalled while biting his lips. "He started to speak in Parselmouth."

"Parsleymouth?" Matt asked confused.

"No, parselmouth Matt," David said. "It's a language only snakes and people who can talk to snakes can understand."

"So Mr Taylor can talk to snakes?" Matt had the uncanny feeling that he was standing in the middle of the room with his boxers pulled down around his ankles while everyone stood there laughing at him.

"No," David laughed. "It's from the Harry Potter books. See Harry Potter is this boy wizard who was almost killed by this evil wizard..."

As David was explaining this to Matt, Ted sat back pointing to David and nodding his head in affirmation.

David continued, "Harry Potter, being the only person who ever survived this wizard, thusly earning him the nickname The-Boy-Who-Lived..."

"David! If you don't fucking shut up, you'll be known as the Officer-Who-Had-My-Foot-Shoved-Up-His-Ass! I know what Harry Potter is. They're fucking kids' books. My kids have them." Matt turned away from them and muttered under his breath. He then looked directly at Ted. "Then what Mr Schmidt?"

As Justin gyrated and rotated his hips, ever so slowly on Brian while hissing the made-up language, Brian became more excited.

"Oh God...unh...I love it when you do that. Don't stop," Brian moaned.

Everyone watched as Justin and Brian moved, seeming to have forgotten they were being watched. The sounds coming from Justin's mouth, the way he was languorously moving on Brian, against Brian and the look on Brian's pleasure filled face aroused everyone in the vicinity for round two.

After Justin and Brian came together, and yes, they did come together, everyone else followed suit again. The moans heard through the room louder than the first time


"Jesus! They came a second time! Fuck," David said. "It sounds like it was a cumapalooza."

"A cumapalooza? Oh God. David. Never mind. Mr Schmidt, what happened after that? I mean it fucking sounds like everyone should have been fucking sated, I mean right? What the fuck happened to cause the riot or have you been fucking pulling my chain all goddamn night?" Matt asked while standing threateningly over Ted.

"Well, you see, after everyone came back to their senses, someone asked if they could fuck Justin. They wanted to hear him makes those noises again. Then someone else asked if they could fuck Justin. Well you get the idea. Of course, Brian, Justin, Emmett and myself started to feel the situation beginning to get out of hand."

"Oh?" Matt asked with a raised brow.

"Yeah, once Brian was savvy to what was about to happen, he put Justin behind him but, well, how can I explain this? Remember a few Christmases back, when the Tickle-me-Elmo doll was really popular and every mother in the nation went to every toy store they could find to get the doll? There were mothers who were actually fighting over the last remaining dolls on the shelves?" Ted asked.

"Actually, I do remember that."

"Yeah, well, imagine Justin as the last Tickle-Me-Elmo."

"Is it any wonder?" Matt asked while his headache raged on in his head. "David?"

"Yeah?"

"Go let the people in holding out."

"Do you want to charge anyone?"

"No, just get them all out of my sight. I need to take something for this headache," and with that Matt got up out of his chair and then turned to Ted. "You can go now Mr Schmidt."


Matt had walked through the precinct in a better mood now that the ordeal with the Liberty Baths was over. He noticed a guy with glasses sitting in one of the chairs talking to one of the officers. Matt walked up to Gwen who was busy filling in paperwork. "So what's the story on the little guy with the glasses?"

"He's filing a complaint form on a diner because they refused to serve him his food on separate plates. He decided it would be a nice change of pace to try a different restaurant since the diner he always goes to has this waitress who's really crass with him," Gwen said not looking up from her paperwork.

"Uh-huh. A truly adventurous soul I see," Matt mused. He then diverted his attention to David who came running back into the precinct from the detention area.

"Matt! Matt!" David called.

Oh for the love of Christ, Matt thought. Will this ever end? "What?"

"It's about the guys down in holding - the ones from the Baths?" David said catching his breath.

"Well," Matt asked impatiently, "what is it?"

"Um, well, Brian, I mean Mr Kinney, was having his way with Jus...I mean Mr Taylor..."

"Having his way?" Matt asked. Gwen arched an eyebrow. "I got the impression that Mr Taylor was perfectly fine with Mr Kinney having his way with him," Matt said while turning away. "Wait, hold on. They're having sex?!?! Not on my fucking watch!"

"That's not the worst part Matt," David said.

"What, the mood lighting's not right in the cell?" Matt snickered.

"Um, the Taylor kid's doing that thing again Matt. You know, that thing," David said conspiratorially.

"Oh fuck no. Shit!" Matt fumed. "David, go get the riot gear and some extra men. There hasn't been a riot in the detention area ever on my watch and I don't plan on breaking that record tonight."

"Yeah, okay Matt," and David hurried away. Matt then turned to Gwen.

"Gwen!"

"Yes, sir."

"I want you to start filling out a gag order for little Sunshine - he's not allowed to speak Parsleymouth anywhere in or around the Pittsburgh area."

"That's Parselmouth sir," Gwen corrected.

"Whatever."

As Matt stormed off, preparing himself for battle, he decided he would most definitely take his frustration out on Jim in some way. The thought of doctoring some compromising pictures of the Chief, maybe with dwarves, came to mind. And as his headache started to throb more prominently in his head and the world once again tilted on its axis, Matt knew most assuredly that he would probably go to Hell for what he planned on doing to Jim.

He just hoped they had hi-speed internet when he got there.


The End


I don't expect much feedback as most people already this story but if you haven't, please shout out.

Thanks!
 
 
Current Mood: awakeawake
 
 
 
critic75critic75 on February 22nd, 2007 04:48 pm (UTC)
Parselmouth?
Oh God! Don't tell me I am going to have to read a Harry Potter book now. I haven't even been able to keep up with LJ, because somehow I seem to have missed this one.
Loved the Matt character.
As always when encountered, every excellent epic is exquisitely entertaining.
Maria: B/J cha cha chaslave_o_spike on February 22nd, 2007 11:21 pm (UTC)
Wow! That last line is a tongue-twister! Can you say that 3 times fast?

Anywho, I wrote this back in September for the dare_challenge - I'm not sure you might have seen it.

And yeah - Matt needs to make an appearance in my cannibal fic.

You don't have to read the books - although I love the books and have read them all to my kids 2-3 times - but you could rent the second movie, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. In it, Danny Radcliffe, who's about 12 or 13 here, speaks parselmouth. When we first saw it, my daughter was 'wow! That was hot.' I didn't see it then - I see it now though. :P

Thanks for the wonderful fb as always!
amtamburoamtamburo on February 22nd, 2007 04:57 pm (UTC)
lol... I had read this before, but I just wanted to let you know that I laughed just as hard this time as I did the first time! Just too freakin' funny! Thanks for posting it here so I can save it to my memories. :)
Maria: BJ copulatingslave_o_spike on February 22nd, 2007 11:23 pm (UTC)
Well I'm glad I could oblige. Also, thanks for leaving fb (and liking just as much the second time as the first).

:)
trishwishtrishwish on February 22nd, 2007 05:15 pm (UTC)
LMAO! That was great. Thanks for posting. ;)
Maria: BJ Guh Showerslave_o_spike on February 22nd, 2007 11:23 pm (UTC)
Your welcome!

Thanks!
Alexander: RockyHorrorPictureShowashmedai on February 22nd, 2007 05:29 pm (UTC)
Thanks for posting this here - I remember this was one of my absolute favorites in that challenge, I love it! *off to re-read*
Maria: BJ Sex Take 2slave_o_spike on February 22nd, 2007 11:24 pm (UTC)
Your welcome - I can't believe I never posted it on my lj! *facepalm*

Thanks again!
singlewoman: snickersinglewoman on February 22nd, 2007 06:19 pm (UTC)
Please let me have whatever crack gets you to write these stories. I laughed all the way through. Harry Potter was my first fandom, so I know the sort of orgasmic free for all Parseltongue can cause.

Ted and Emmett's voices are so dead on in this.
Maria: Justin gets caughtslave_o_spike on February 22nd, 2007 11:39 pm (UTC)
Oh God - I remember the parselmouth kink too:

"Speak parseltongue for me Harry," Lucius moaned into Harry's ear as the Boy-Who-Lived rode the blond's cock.

LOL!

It is hot though. :P

Thanks for the comment about Ted and Emmett - I really wanted them to come out IC. Thanks!
Wicked Bitch Of The West: Luciusvlredreign on February 23rd, 2007 07:18 am (UTC)
GUUUUUUUUHHHHHH!!!!!

HarryLu!!!!!!!! *dies*
His Minniemaxmygothangel on February 22nd, 2007 06:38 pm (UTC)
eeeeeek!!
ROFLMAO! that was really hilarious!!
LOL!
Maria: BJ cuddleslave_o_spike on February 22nd, 2007 11:34 pm (UTC)
Thanks babe! Glad you liked (this is why I posted - because some people never saw it in that other comm back in the Fall).
Wicked Bitch Of The West: Chair!sex 412vlredreign on February 22nd, 2007 08:03 pm (UTC)
I read this some time back, and damn!!! Being an HP fan, the idea of Justin speaking Parseltongue just...fits, you know? And it's really hard trying not to laugh my ass off at work right now. This is the crackiest hot story ever. I love it!!! And you!! I'm gonna pimp this to my HP buds.
Maria: Justin condomslave_o_spike on February 22nd, 2007 11:34 pm (UTC)
Well pimp away! (Well...you know...as long as they're into Brian and Justin too. :P)

I just thought little Danny Radcliffe doing it in the CoS was so darn cute (and hot)!

Glad you thought it was hot too! Thanks :)
Wicked Bitch Of The West: Dan Happy Trailvlredreign on February 23rd, 2007 12:06 am (UTC)
Have you SEEN little Danny Radcliffe recently? Baby got it going on!!!!
Maria: money shotslave_o_spike on February 23rd, 2007 12:11 am (UTC)
Yes! God that boy is beautiful! (And yum...you have Danny icons from those pictures)

It's so weird to see him being in the play that Randy Harrison also did!

It's like cosmic. *rolls eyes around in head*

(And I'll admit - I'm a secret Snarry shipper - I've only read some fic - not written).
Wicked Bitch Of The West: H/Dvlredreign on February 23rd, 2007 12:54 am (UTC)
I'm HarryLu. It's the hair and the pimp!cane, you know. If you ever need any Snarry recs, I know where the good stuff is. The REALLY good stuff. :) We gotta talk!!

And yeah, him doing the same play as Randy is bizarre, but I'm so proud of him. To tackle that play right out of the gate is ambitious as hell, and I'm hearing good things. Thank god he'll have something to go to after the Potter train ends.
Maria: Justin gets caughtslave_o_spike on February 23rd, 2007 01:45 am (UTC)
Okay, yeah, HarryLu is a second fav (I once read Speechless which was kinda OOC, but it was still hot!!!). I would love some recs (I've been reading BJ more and more lately, but when I get in the Harry Potter mood I'd like to know what's good). I've read Lux and I love her As Children Often Do story but some of the snarry out there is way too OOC for me.

I'm happy for Danny too. I first saw him in Danny Copperfield and I thought he was priceless! He was so young but so poised and professional. I hope he does well. I know some people are lambasting him for his role in this play, but I think he's doing the right thing.
Wicked Bitch Of The Westvlredreign on February 23rd, 2007 07:20 am (UTC)
I'll gather some links for you for the Sanrry. I know where the good stuff is hiding.
Lisabrianswalk on February 23rd, 2007 01:14 am (UTC)
Loved this just as much the second time around!

Something caught my eye though,
"You mean the little guy with the glasses who orders all his food on different plates?"
Wasn't he in another story?
Maria: BJ copulatingslave_o_spike on February 23rd, 2007 01:40 am (UTC)
Yay! Thanks!

And yes, he was from Something Seriously Amiss, the OCD guy that Brian (as Justin) has to help at breakfast.

I based him on Jeffrey Combs as Herbert West from Re-animator.

I like to put him in my stories - an in-joke.
A fanjustinlovesart on February 23rd, 2007 05:36 am (UTC)
I remember this one! As fun on a second read as it was on the first.

You write some of the best Teds in the fandom :)
(Deleted comment)
Maria: BJ cuddleslave_o_spike on February 23rd, 2007 08:36 pm (UTC)
I'm glad. I really do like him so I'm happy when I can make people like him.
Maria: B/J cha cha chaslave_o_spike on February 23rd, 2007 08:35 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you decided to read again! Thanks!

And thanks for the Ted comment. Ted just speaks to me, ya know? :)
(Deleted comment)
Maria: cannibal fic I love my spleenless gay soslave_o_spike on February 23rd, 2007 08:34 pm (UTC)
That's why I decided to post this here - because there are people who were not in the dare_challenge comm. I'm glad I always put a smile on your face. That's the whole point of most of my reads!

Have you joined the qaf_challenge comm? I have a story posted there right now (all the stories are anonymous though but I think you could probably spot mine *wink wink*).

Anywho, I will remember to post that one on my lj once everyone is revealed (which should be in a day or two).

Lastly, where did you get that icon? Are there more like that?
firehead30firehead30 on February 24th, 2007 05:46 pm (UTC)
can't stop giggling
Disclaimers: I don't own Cowlip or the boys. My family won't let me own any power tools either.

bahhhhhhhmawaaaaaaa

*snickers*

Poor dear, have a piece of cake! Trust me, chain saw art sucks....creat wicked art on cake.
Maria: Hello Kitty on a crossslave_o_spike on February 24th, 2007 05:53 pm (UTC)
Re: can't stop giggling
Yummm...cake...

Must go out and get fresh bagels (cake's more yummy but not at this time in the morning...)

Shit! I forgot the link. Did you check out the link court gave me for the cake in the shape of a cock?

If you didn't see it, let me know. You have to see it.

BTW, check out a piccie of my employees on my latest post! :)
firehead30firehead30 on February 24th, 2007 06:02 pm (UTC)
Re: can't stop giggling
Shit! I forgot the link. Did you check out the link court gave me for the cake in the shape of a cock?

I didn't see it, I didn't see it. I am stillplaying catch up after last week. I am still trying to wade through all of the challenge fics and my flist is neglected.

Pics! *off to check it out*
Maria: B/J ILUslave_o_spike on February 24th, 2007 06:46 pm (UTC)
Re: can't stop giggling
Okay, here is the link to the cock cake. Just too much!

And as for the qaf_challenge? I'd like to thank you for the lovely fb you and your wife gave me!
firehead30firehead30 on February 24th, 2007 09:53 pm (UTC)
Re: can't stop giggling
OMG the cake was for someone's MOM and not only was it a cock cake, but a PIERCED COCK CAKE....

Ohhhhhhh shit I keep thinking I need to pimp the challenges and I actually have four fics I would like to pimp, but can't bring myself to finish reading all the fics yet, so I havn't done my usual pimp job. I can't seem to read the longer fics this time around. I just stare at them and then get distracted. ohhhh goody, shiney, cock cake!!!!!
Maria: Happy Tree Friends ketchup in earsslave_o_spike on February 24th, 2007 09:58 pm (UTC)
Re: can't stop giggling
I just stare at them and then get distracted

Yep - that's me! I can't seem to get into reading lately but I've been writing like crazy! If I could just clean everything up, you guys will have stuff to read from me for, well, for a little while. :P

And I know! It's a PRINCE ALBERT CAKE!!!!

I think my family would have me committed if I made a cake like that. :)
firehead30firehead30 on February 24th, 2007 10:15 pm (UTC)
Re: can't stop giggling
I think my family would have me committed if I made a cake like that. :)

*puts on OTHER (really slutty peeptoe four inch heels)dark red heels*

*smiles and bats eyes at the security guard at the mental hospital*

*breaks you out usuing my uncanny ability to um like um well I have some superpower, go with it, ok, to do work puzzles yeah that's it*

*runs into Hugh Jackman doing pushups on the beach we just escaped to and he decides to model for you next cake*
Maria: Listening to Satanic musicslave_o_spike on February 24th, 2007 10:24 pm (UTC)
Re: can't stop giggling
*Hugh pushes his jeans down and then his underwear*

*runs to nearest Target to get TWO cake pans since one won't be enough*

You know, word-puzzle-solving-super-abilities are seriously under-rated.

Wicked Bitch Of The West: Brian cracking upvlredreign on September 9th, 2007 11:25 pm (UTC)
Re: can't stop giggling
I was talking with the wives, firehead30 and zaipixie. Ai had shown us some FOUL foulness from MW, and we were in need of brain bleach. So we decided that some Rhiannonhero was needed, as well as a crack!fic to make it all better. I suggested this.

It just keeps getting better, every time I read it. And funnier! Ted kills me!

Then I started reading the comments, which are damn near as good as the story! Penis cake!!! Hugh Jackman!! You guys are nuts!!
Maria: mPreg Justin 1slave_o_spike on September 9th, 2007 11:33 pm (UTC)
Re: can't stop giggling
Okay, I'm sitting here about ready to post some zoo pics and I see you commenting about something foul at MW. OMG. What is it this time?

(And btw, I'm glad this little gem from the vaults is a cure to the foulness.) :D
Wicked Bitch Of The West: Brain Bleachvlredreign on September 10th, 2007 01:34 am (UTC)
Re: can't stop giggling
Six words.

Gus fucking Molly.

Brian singing Motown.

'Scuse me...I'm feeling sick...
Maria: Justin slave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 01:47 am (UTC)
Re: can't stop giggling
But baby! Didn't you know? Brian maybe a white boy, but he's all black inside.

*cringes*

Brian singing Motown? See? I just don't see it.

Nope. Still can't see it. *shakes head*

And Gus fucking Molly. That's like all kinds of weird. New writer?
rosy5000: Brian Smilerosy5000 on September 14th, 2007 05:14 pm (UTC)
OMG.. Justin setting off riots through his orgasms. lol Love the Tickle-Me-Elmo comparisson. *grins*
Maria: Justin condomslave_o_spike on September 16th, 2007 08:32 pm (UTC)
So so so sorry I'm late in responding to all your wonderful fb. I've been uber-busy. :)

Yes, I always thought that Justin having sex and orgasms would be riot-worthy.

*nods head*

Thank you Rosy!!!!
KariHermionekari_hermione on May 9th, 2009 04:49 am (UTC)
I'm sure Brain has a few ideas on ways to gag our little Sunshine. I loved that this was from Ted and Emmet it just gave it that extra humor. Thanks!

Also: Tickle-me-Justin *Giggles*
Maria: Justin condomslave_o_spike on May 9th, 2009 05:09 am (UTC)
Oh he has many, many ideas. LOL!

Like...uh...stuffing eclairs down his throat. *whistles*

I love those two guys. They sometimes add what is needed to a fic. They get forgotten too much I'm afraid.

Yeah - tickle-me-Justin. :)

Thank you!
kika-kkika_k on June 4th, 2009 09:49 am (UTC)
This fic is brilliant! I laughed so much! :)
I love how you written the the testimony of Ted and Emmett and the reaction of the two detetcives! OMG!

ciao
Maria: Brian and Tedslave_o_spike on June 8th, 2009 12:03 am (UTC)
I love my OC's and the Temmet team. LOL!

Thank you. It was originally written for the dare_challenge way back when. There were a few people who had guessed it was me that had written it. :)

snow_white79snow_white79 on December 18th, 2009 01:31 am (UTC)
I just read this story again... needed a good laugh LOL It worked!!!!!!!!!!
Maria: BJ - 314 is loveslave_o_spike on January 6th, 2010 02:37 am (UTC)
LOL! Thanks hon.

And you're gonna love this...I was just rereading your Angel story and its sequel on Midnight Whispers. I just love those two. :)
snow_white79snow_white79 on January 7th, 2010 01:45 am (UTC)
aawwwwwwwwww shucks :)