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26 February 2007 @ 08:29 pm
QaF Cannibal Crack!Fic Snippet "Leanne and Bunny go on a little road Trip"  
Okay - so I did it again. I put not one, but two, of my readers into my cannibal crack!fic this time.

Who did I do you ask?

Well none other than our very own _alicesprings and happier_bunny, that's who!

I just wanted to thank Leanne (_alicesprings for all the wonderful work she did for the latest qaf_challenges community. That was quite a feat having to post ALL THOSE STORIES ON HER OWN but it was a great success and I thank you for it.

I also want to thank Bunny (happier_bunny for all the hard work she also puts into her communities. If there's a new comm out there, chances are that Bunny's out there!

Lastly, these ladies were the ones who pimped this stupid little crack!fic in the beginning so I have them to thank!

Here you guys go - you're meeting the guys in another snippet from the cannibal!verse!


Title: Leanne and Bunny go on a little road trip
Pairing: Brian/Justin; Ben/Mikey
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Two travelers on their way through town have 'car trouble' and meet some of the townsfolk...

Disclaimers: I don't own Cowlip, the boys, Bunny, Leanne or paper bags. Actually I received permission from the ladies for this one, so I don't have to disclaim anything there, so pfft!!!!





"Excuse me. Um...excuse me. We need help. We seem to have hit a cow," Leanne said as she entered the police station.

"Hello. Is anyone here? We really could use some help," Bunny yelled out as she too entered the station.

As the two women walked into the main lobby, they heard some noises in the office through the open door. They cautiously went to the office and looked through the open door and saw a well muscled, handsome man with light brown hair humping what appeared to be a rather large monkey.

"Oh my...oh God! We're sorry. Oh God...go Bunny. Go," Leanne said as she pushed her friend out the office door.

"What was that man doing to that poor monkey?" Bunny asked.

"I don't think that was a monkey," Leanne said. Just then, the rather large, good looking man walked out, stretched and then tucked his shirt back into his pants. A small, dark haired man soon followed.

"Sorry about that back there," the man said while pointing to his office. The man put his hand out and said, "Ben Bruckner, but everyone calls me Ranger Ben. And this here," Ranger Ben said while pointing behind him, "is Mikey."

"Hello," Bunny said, "my name is Bunny and this is my friend, Leanne."

"So what can I do for you ladies tonight?"

"Well, we were driving through town and then ran into something in the middle of the road," Bunny began, "I think it was a chain. Our two front tires blew out and we skidded into a cow that was lying in the middle of the road." Bunny noticed Mikey start to fidget more when he heard about the cow.

"Sounds like you're having car trouble," Ranger Ben nodded.

"Car trouble?" Leanne yelled. "Car trouble is when you get water in your gas tank and your car doesn't want to go anywhere. Car trouble is when you can't start your car because of a dead battery so you need a jump. I'd say with two blown tires and a damaged front end courtesy of a cow in the middle of the road, we're pretty much fucked."

Ranger Ben held his hands up. "Now now, it sounds like some of us are a bit cranky. Let's just calm down, take a few deep breaths," and with this Ranger Ben breathed in and out, "and we'll figure out how to get you two out of this mess. Now first, the most important thing."

"Yes?" Bunny and Leanne asked.

"How's the cow?" Ben asked with concern in his voice.

"The cow's dead," Leanne said.

"Oh, now that's a shame," Ben said. Mikey continued to fidget next to him.

"It was dead before we hit it. What kind of town has a dead cow just lying in the middle of the road?" Bunny started to yell.

"Or a chain!" Leanne chimed in.

Mikey jumped in at that moment. "You don't sound like you're from around here. Where do you live?"

"I live in a town called Alice Springs," Leanne said.

"Is that in Oklahoma?" Mikey asked.

"It's in Australia."

"Australia? Oh wow!" Mikey said excitedly. "Say 'Good Day mate.'"

"Good Day Mate," Leanne said.

"That is so cool! Now say 'shrimp on the barby.'"

"What the...? I'm not some trained monkey," Leanne had to bite her lip to keep from adding anything to that comment. "Now are you going to help us with our car?"

"Do you wrestle crocodiles?" Mikey asked.

"Oh for the love of...do I look like I wrestle crocs?" Leanne asked.

"She said 'crocs,' Ben. That was so cool."

Leanne and Bunny rolled their eyes. "Our car Ranger Ben?"

"I'll call and get someone on it right now, okay? In the meantime, why don't you sit down and make yourselves at home."

"We brought our cooler with our dinner. Is it okay if we eat it here?" Bunny asked.

"Of course. Mi casa, su casa," Ranger Ben said while indicating a few comfortable chairs they could sit on.

"That's Spanish for 'my home is your home,'" Mikey said.

Bunny stopped to look at Mikey. "You ever think about a job as a UN translator?"

Mikey looked back as if it hadn't registered. She set the cooler down on the table, opened it and took out a paper bag. "Here you go Leanne, one tuna salad sandwich." Leanne took the sandwich.

Ben came back from his office and said, "someone will be coming in half an hour. So...did I hear you say tuna?"

"Yes," Bunny said, "would you like some?"

Ben took a deep breath in. "Do you know...how they catch tuna?"

"I didn't know there would be a test," Leanne whispered to Bunny. She then looked up at Ranger Ben, "um...with a really big net?"

"Yes," Ben said as he pointed to Leanne. "With a really big net. Now, do you know what gets caught in this net?"

"I'll go with...tuna?" Bunny said.

"Yes," Ben said as if he were talking to a small child, "but do you know what else gets caught in the net? Dolphins!" Ben shouted as both the girls jumped. "The tuna industry, in their ever increasing greed for profit, never take into account that dolphins are just an unfortunate sacrifice that has to be made in order to farm tuna. I'm boycotting the canned fish market. You should too," Ben said while looking accusingly at their sandwiches.

Bunny and Leanne looked at Ben. "I'm not very hungry right now," Leanne said.

"Me neither." Bunny put the sandwiches back into the paper bag.

"You know, there are so many more alternatives to paper bags now," Ranger Ben continued.

"Oh really," Bunny said with an arch of her eyebrow.

"Yes. The unchecked and rampant rate of deforestation of our past has depleted the supply of fresh oxygen to the atmosphere. You should be more aware the role trees play in all our lives," Ben said as he stretched out his arms to indicate the whole world. "Someone has to speak for the trees as they can't do it themselves."

"Yeah, unless it's a Lord of the Rings movie," Leanne mumbled.

"Who the fuck are you, the Lorax?" Bunny asked. "Is it okay if we drink our soda?"

"Now you remember what to do with the cans when you're done, right?" Ben asked.

"We'll...recycle...them?" Leanne asked.

"Good girl!" Leanne smiled having for once answered something correctly.

Bunny pulled the six-pack of Dr Pepper out of the cooler. There were only two cans left, so Bunny pulled the two cans off the yoke and threw it in the trash.

"Okay, now come on!" Ben said as he grabbed the yoke out of the trash.

"What mortal sin did we commit now?" Leanne asked.

Ben held the yoke up for them to see. "You never throw these in the trash without properly disposing of them first." Ben walked with the yoke back to the desk and pulled out a pair of scissors and proceeded to clip the yoke into tiny pieces.

Bunny and Leanne looked at each other and clinked their cans of Dr Pepper together. "Here's to getting the hell out of this town as soon as possible."

"Yeah, you're a lawyer, Bunny," Leanne said while sipping her Dr Pepper, "if we get stuck in Sheriff Andy's station here with Barney Fife, could you get us out?" They both laughed.

Mikey looked back at them. "You know, those things saved my life."

"What?" Bunny asked.

"Yokes."

"A yoke saved your life," Leanne said.

"Yeah, from piranha."

"Pira...piranha?" Bunny asked. "You've been to the Amazon?"

"No it was right here...in town," Mikey said.

Ben walked in. "Yeah, but don't worry, they're gone now."

"So, you just had a...," Bunny said while waving her hand in the air, "a roving school of piranha just passing through town?"

"Ah, here's your ride now!" Ben exclaimed.

Bunny and Leanne were just about to say something when they saw two of the most beautiful men ever walk into the precinct.

"This is Brian and he'll...oh Justin, you're here too! As I was saying, they'll tow you to the nearest body shop and then on to a hotel. Kevin Riley will have your car fixed up for you in a day and you can be on your way then," Ben continued.

Leanne and Bunny stood staring at the two men who had walked in. Bunny stuck her hand out to the man, no she thought, the deity that was called Brian. "I'm Lunny and this is my friend, Beanne. Um, Bunny and </i>Leanne</i>."

Brian smirked and shook her hand. He then shook Leanne's. "This is Justin," Brian indicated behind him. "He's my...well, he's...he's mine," Brian said as he smiled down at the beautiful boy.

"Hi," Justin said as he shook both their hands. He then stood at Brian's side where Brian whispered something into Justin's ear while nuzzling it and then he blushed.

"Follow me out to my truck," Brian said.

Bunny and Leanne started to walk out the station. Leanne leaned over to Bunny, "I'd follow him anywhere."

"Did you see the little blond one?" Bunny asked.

"Oh God! I bet they're gorgeous together!"

"Maybe staying in this town for a few days won't be so bad," and with that they both laughed.

The four got to the truck. "I didn't know there would be two of you. I can only fit three people in the front cab. No one can sit in the bed of the truck since that's where the rig is for towing." Brian turned to Justin and with his tongue in his cheek said, "you'll have to sit on my lap so we can all fit."

"Oh, Justin can sit on my lap," Bunny said quickly.

"Or mine," Leanne said.

Brian growled at both women.

"Or, he could just sit on your lap," Bunny said while Leanne nodded her head in affirmation.

As they all got into the truck, Bunny leaned over to Leanne and said, "any words of wisdom?"

"Yeah, don't touch the kid," Leanne said and once again they both laughed.

Justin was sitting awkwardly on Brian's lap as he started the truck and drove forward. After driving about a mile, Brian said, "Justin, stop fidgeting. You're making this hard."

Justin squirmed on Brian's lap, "tell me about it."

Justin squirmed again eliciting a moan from Brian. Bunny and Leanne watched on as the temperature in the cab rose a few hundred degrees.

Justin squirmed yet again making Brian hit the brakes on the truck, bringing the vehicle to an abrupt halt. "That's it," and with that Brian kicked the door open and dragged Justin out of the truck. He then kicked the door shut.

Bunny and Leanne looked at each other and listened to the ensuing sounds outside the truck. There was the distinct sound of clinking and the rustling of stiff fabric. All of a sudden the truck started to rock back and forth, the rocking motion becoming more and more pronounced as it progressed.

The girls rolled down the driver's side window and peered out.

There against the truck, in all their beautiful glory, was Justin and Brian, completely naked, their overalls bunched down around their ankles. Justin was pushed against the truck with his legs wrapped around Brian's waist as Brian proceeded to fuck the very air out of the boy.

Justin, a fine sheen of sweat covering his upper body, turned his head in the direction of the girls who were raptly watching them, "nice...night...isn't...it?" Justin said in between the rocking motion.

"Do...you...mind?" Brian asked, not breaking his stride, as he continued to pump in and out of Justin. He then attacked Justin's mouth, the boy obviously giving back as good as he was getting. The girls looked on just one second longer, watching as Brian was holding onto the boy for all he was worth.

Leanne and Bunny pulled themselves back into the truck. They didn't roll the window back up, wanting to be able to at least listen to the sounds of the men as they were nearing their joined culmination.

The truck continued to rock back and forth as Bunny turned to Leanne, "you...think...they...need...a...lawyer...in...this...town?"

Leanne turned in response to her friend, "you...think...they'll...extend...my...Visa?"


The End



Feedback is always loved....
 
 
Current Mood: crazycrazy
 
 
 
Chaos..panic..disorder...my work here is done.: Cannibal iconjillapet on February 27th, 2007 05:24 am (UTC)
"I live in a town called Alice Springs," Leanne said.

"Is that in Oklahoma?" Mikey asked.


Yep. Right next to Ponca ShittyCity!

"Someone has to speak for the trees as they can't do it themselves."

"Yeah, unless it's a Lord of the Rings movie," Leanne mumbled.


*snerk*

The truck continued to rock back and forth as Bunny turned to Leanne, "you...think...they...need...a...lawyer...in...this...town?"

Leanne turned in response to her friend, "you...think...they'll...extend...my...Visa?"


Yep, that's the Bunny and Al that we all know and love!

Adorable. I woke up half the house with the 'humping a large monkey' line.

Maria: cannibal fic I8 my husbandslave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 05:42 am (UTC)
I was hoping I kept them IC! :P

Ya know - when I was reading the first part back to myself and I got to the monkey part, I couldn't help but laugh too!

Thanks!
Xie: Wives - animatedxie_xie_xie on February 27th, 2007 07:48 am (UTC)
OMG. I haven't been reading this fic because of that "disturbing imagery" warning you put on it.... but when I saw you PUT MY WIVES INTO YOUR FIC I HAD TO READ IT IMMEDIATELY!

Please don't let them be killed and eaten though!

And it was so nice of you to let them see Brian and Justin do it. They'll be so happy!

Xie
Maria: cannibal fic masturbating signslave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 08:17 am (UTC)
Hee!

Actually, this is a one-off (and no - I'm not 'offing' them).

I totally forgot about the 'disturbing imagery' warning that I had put on the story way back when. There isn't too much to be disturbed about - the story is more silly than scary or gross. You'd have to ask your wives about that.

I think the most disturbing thing I ever wrote in this series was when Brian made a choker out of Shawn Postoff's teeth for Justin. Everyone loved that chapter though so it couldn't have been so bad.

Anywho, nope, they'll never be killed or eaten. And they couldn't go through town without having seen Justin and Brian going at it!

:D
shadownyc: paddies  - S5 crack-upshadownyc on February 27th, 2007 11:24 am (UTC)
That is a FABULOUS tribute!!!

Bwahahaha!!!

Where did you say this town was again?...I'm suddenly thinking about relocating. ;b
Maria: cannibal fic copulating #2slave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 04:25 pm (UTC)
Where did you say this town was again?

It can't be found on a map - just the recesses of my mind (which is a very scary place...)

I'm suddenly thinking about relocating.

Don't worry babe - all road lead to this place and you'll be making a stop there too! :)

(PS I'll make sure to keep you away from Deb but not the boys - I can't promise anything about Ranger Ben).

(PSS I wrote another 'serious' angsty thing - could I email it to you later today for a beta?)
(no subject) - shadownyc on February 27th, 2007 11:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on February 28th, 2007 12:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
critic75critic75 on February 27th, 2007 11:34 am (UTC)
A ficlet worthy of laughing worship.
*soaks feet, files nails, applies lotion, massages*
Maria: cannibal fic I love my challenged gay soslave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 04:26 pm (UTC)
*lays back in complete satisfaction over foot massage*

Seriously, if I go without my total foot spa pedicure once a month, my feet go back to their tribal state! :)

sonofabiscuit77: Italian football teamsonofabiscuit77 on February 27th, 2007 11:55 am (UTC)
Wow, how much do I love Ranger Ben? He's obsession with all things eco is just inspired, now I'm never going to look at a tin of tuna without thinking of those poor defenseless dolphins.
Maria: cannibal fic I love my spleenless gay soslave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 04:28 pm (UTC)
I think I could write Ranger Ben in my sleep! There's so much ammo there. :P

And yeah - you know me - I create disturbing images and put thoughts into people's heads and then wham! They can't look at something the same way.

I was just rewatching S2 and when Sap came on, I tried really hard not to laugh.
My Flame Burns Bright: Crack!ficsuch_a_steph on February 27th, 2007 01:21 pm (UTC)
Utterly Brillant! I'm in awe of your greatness and ready to kill Bunny and Leanne in a fit of jealousy :D The three of you have made my evening!!!
Maria: cannibal fic I8 my husbandslave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 04:28 pm (UTC)
Well I'm glad I could oblige!

And don't worry darlin' - you'll be taking a detour to that town soon enough...

(no subject) - such_a_steph on February 27th, 2007 05:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 05:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Thymeoasis6028 on February 27th, 2007 01:27 pm (UTC)
That was a hoot.
Maria: cannibal fic copulating #2slave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 04:29 pm (UTC)
Hee! Thanks hon!

Although, some of the jokes are kind of strange if you haven't read the series, unless this has been one of your secret guilty pleasures?

*raises eyebrow*
(no subject) - oasis6028 on February 27th, 2007 07:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Still want him in your pack?_alicesprings on February 27th, 2007 01:55 pm (UTC)
ROFL!!! I love it! I'm so glad Bunny and I got to see them do it. THANK YOU! I've never been immortalised in fanfic before, I'm incredibly flattered xoxo.
Maria: cannibal fic I love my spleenless gay soslave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 04:31 pm (UTC)
Well, now you have!

I hope I got you IC and not OOC (do you even have an accent?)

LOL!

And, your welcome. It was my pleasure - if it weren't for you and Bunny pimping this stupid thing in the beginning, I don't know how big it would gotten because I wouldn't have posted it anywhere else. :)
(no subject) - happier_bunny on February 27th, 2007 04:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 05:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
singlewoman: snickersinglewoman on February 27th, 2007 04:10 pm (UTC)
Ok, my keyboard really does not like having Diet Coke spewed all over it. OMG I haven't laughed that hard in awhile.

I am so glad that you had Bunny and Leanne immortalized in your fic. Iam glad they got to see Brian and Justin in all their glory, would hate for the only memory to be of Mikey and Ranger Ben!

Maria: cannibal fic I love my challenged gay soslave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 04:33 pm (UTC)
Are you a Diet Coke addict too? Hi my name is Maria - I love Diet Coke. :)

And yeah, I couldn't leave them with the memory of Ben and his monkey, now could I?

Hee! Thanks!
(no subject) - happier_bunny on February 27th, 2007 04:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 05:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - singlewoman on February 27th, 2007 06:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 06:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
A fan: Michael/Benjustinlovesart on February 27th, 2007 04:37 pm (UTC)
Lucky Bunny and Leanne! They got to see Brian and Justin do it and they got to be in one of your fictions!

Mind you, they also had to witness Ben/Monkey sex...
Maria: cannibal fic I love my spleenless gay soslave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 05:30 pm (UTC)
Seriously, I couldn't stop giggling while writing that 'large monkey' line.

And then to top it all off, Ranger Ben had to keep laying into them about their eco-sins! LOL!

And they got to feel the action - thta truck rockin registered somewhere on a Richter Scale!

Thanks.
firehead30firehead30 on February 27th, 2007 07:23 pm (UTC)
immortalized for all eternity
OMG Ranger Ben....Ranger Ben....Ranger Ben. While I truly needed brain bleach at the thought of his fuckying Mikey....he can quote my eco sins all day long, heck even punish me for them *ahem* if he goes around shirtless all day long.

ROVING BANDS OF Piranhas! Oh Holy fucking hell.

"Oh, Justin can sit on my lap," Bunny said quickly.

"Or mine," Leanne said.

Brian growled at both women.

"Or, he could just sit on your lap," Bunny said while Leanne nodded her head in affirmation.

As they all got into the truck, Bunny leaned over to Leanne and said, "any words of wisdom?"

"Yeah, don't touch the kid," Leanne said and once again they both laughed.

Justin was sitting awkwardly on Brian's lap as he started the truck and drove forward. After driving about a mile, Brian said, "Justin, stop fidgeting. You're making this hard."
I am still giggling.

I am VERY sure they can extend Leanne's Visa and of course they need a lawyer. HOLY Crap.....that was good. Oh and you had Brian nuzzling Justin's ear *sigh*


Maria: cannibal fic I love my spleenless gay soslave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 07:35 pm (UTC)
Re: immortalized for all eternity
Naughty Fire! Are you at work?

And if you are, what are you wearing?

Sorry - couldn't resist.

So you want a naked from the waist up Ranger Ben lecturing you all day about the seven deadly eco-sins (and please hold the Mikey-fucking please). And maybe an order of spanking on the side?

Okay, got it!

*whistles while the cogs start grinding*

And yeah, the piranha? Can you imagine trying to regale people with the tale of the piranha?

I mean, come on!
Re: immortalized for all eternity - firehead30 on February 27th, 2007 07:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: immortalized for all eternity - slave_o_spike on February 27th, 2007 07:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
qafmaniac: Bite Me weißqafmaniac on February 28th, 2007 08:49 pm (UTC)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
...and now my coffee is coming out of my nose.That's not god for my keyboard!Thank God I drink it black and without sugar.. :-))

The four got to the truck. "I didn't know there would be two of you. I can only fit three people in the front cab. No one can sit in the bed of the truck since that's where the rig is for towing." Brian turned to Justin and with his tongue in his cheek said, "you'll have to sit on my lap so we can all fit."

"Oh, Justin can sit on my lap," Bunny said quickly.

"Or mine," Leanne said.

Brian growled at both women.

"Or, he could just sit on your lap," Bunny said while Leanne nodded her head in affirmation.

As they all got into the truck, Bunny leaned over to Leanne and said, "any words of wisdom?"

"Yeah, don't touch the kid,"


PRICELESS!!JUST:::PRICELESS!!

Marita
Maria: cannibal fic I love my spleenless gay soslave_o_spike on March 1st, 2007 07:52 pm (UTC)
Coffee up your nose is not a good thing - of course, eating tuna isn't either. *snerk*

Yeah, and you just can't put a price on Ranger Ben, Monkey Mikey or cannibal!Brian or overalls!Justin. :P

Thanks! (BTW - have you been reading my series?)
(no subject) - qafmaniac on March 1st, 2007 07:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on March 1st, 2007 08:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Doriantdorian on March 1st, 2007 08:40 am (UTC)
I've spitted some tea all over my computer because i couldn't help to laugh like crazy at ranger Ben advises !! Now of course i have to explain my boss why my files are suddenly so funny...*wink*Aida
Maria: Shaun LOLslave_o_spike on March 1st, 2007 07:50 pm (UTC)
Oops! O_o....

*whispers*

Hope you don't get into trouble...

Anywho, thanks! I'm friending you - these are stories I won't post over at Midnight Whsipers - only on my lj.
(Deleted comment)
Maria: cannibal fic I8 my husbandslave_o_spike on March 2nd, 2007 10:23 pm (UTC)
And they actually felt the action too!

*pats the poor monkey*

*kicks monkey across room*

Thanks :)
flamencanyc: Laughter is Good for the Soulflamencanyc on April 5th, 2007 01:22 am (UTC)
Loved it! Hysterical and hot!
Maria: cannibal fic I love my challenged gay soslave_o_spike on April 5th, 2007 02:44 am (UTC)
Well, I'm always good for the laughs but hot?

Cool!!!

Actually, not cool because it wa hot, but cool, never mind...:P

I always wonder if I translate Brian and Justin's explosive chemistry well in my stories.

Thanks!