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24 August 2005 @ 07:48 pm
RPS JM/DB My Life as a Gopher  
Well I wrote something. It came to me in the middle of the night and it started writing itself.

It is RPS so be forewarned. It's Dave Boreanaz/James Marsters slash so if this offends anyone, DON'T READ!!!

Title: My Life as a Gopher
Chapter: 1/?
Pairing: JM/DB
Warnings: THIS IS RPS. I don't know about anything too horrible in this. As the story progresses I'll put in the warnings that apply.
Disclaimers: These are not, in any way, shape or form, real situations. I don't know the actors personally and this has nothing to do with them. This is all just in my head.
Feedback: Yes, please. And flames are okay - I'll let you borrow my Ellen Ripley sized flame thrower.





Chapter 1


My name is Phil.

My momma always said that I would finally find my dream job. She was right, but then momma was always right.

I'm a gopher. Not a gopher like the little one on Caddyshack that Bill Murray was chasing and trying to kill with dynamite. He was cute. The gopher, not Bill Murray. Then again, I wish I was as good looking as Bill Murray. Maybe I'd get laid a little more often. Momma says not to worry, my day will come. I think Momma is a little biased.

Anyways, sorry about that. Momma also says I get sidetracked too easily.

I'm a gopher. You know. I "go for" this and I "go for" that.

I work on the set of this T.V. show called Angel. Maybe you've heard of it.

Kind of a weird show but momma says I shouldn't judge about such things. Like momma would know. She watches them religious T.V. preacher shows. Of course, momma don't know that I caught her watching Jerry Springer one night.

Momma could be hypocritical.

I got this job because of Neapolitan or...or...nepotism. That's it! Nepotism. It's cause I know someone who knows someone who slept with someone in the industry. I don't really know what that makes me. Then again, what does all this have to do with ice cream, I'll never know. Hollywood sure is a strange place.

But it got me this cool job on this here T.V. set. My boss is Uncle Joss. Hee hee. That rhymes. Course, I'm not allowed to call him Uncle Joss on the set. Something about everyone being jealous of me if they knew I was related to him, him being the big cheese and all.

So he tells me to go for this or go for that and I go get it and bring it back to the person making me go for it in the first place. Why a grown person can't go get something for themselves, I'll never know. I asked momma that once and she said I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

The next in command is this big guy named Dave Boreanaz. He's the star of the show. He plays Angel. I have to call him Mister Boreanaz. Everyone who knows him real well gets to call him Dave, except for Jimmy. He gets to call him Davey.

He gets to call him Davey alot of the time. Jimmy usually follows Davey up with something like, "Please Davey, take me!"

Now I wonder where Jimmy needs Mister Boreanaz to take him to. I could take him. I have a car you know. Momma said I needed to learn how to drive to get around this place.

I would take Jimmy where he needed to go and he wouldn't have to beg me neither.


TBC
 
 
 
midnight: sos-jm-04-spikesloveslaveinkingwords on August 25th, 2005 03:10 am (UTC)
Continue it, please! I'm begging you!! Adoring and loving it.
Maria: Spikeslave_o_spike on August 25th, 2005 03:42 am (UTC)
Wheee! You are my first official feedback! Yay!

I will continue. I sort of wrote out an outline and will write the next chapter tomorrow morning and post then.

The strangest things come to me in the middle of the night!

Thank you.
midnightinkingwords on August 25th, 2005 03:47 am (UTC)
Yeah, sometimes I get my best ideas in the middle of the night or when I wake up, when I'm not quite awake yet. Looking forward to more.
Jesse Foxjenshih_blue on August 25th, 2005 04:20 am (UTC)
Normally I don't read RPS, but damn that was so friggin' funny! My fav line is the very last one.

I would take Jimmy where he needed to go and he wouldn't have to beg me neither.

More please!! LOL :-D
Maria: spangel - OTPslave_o_spike on August 25th, 2005 05:10 am (UTC)
*squeeeee*

First, I'm so happy to see you of all people like my little story. Your series ("Midnight...") was one of the first slashy stories I ever read and YOU were the first writer I left feedback for.

Second, the fact that even though you're not into RPS but you read it anyway and LIKED it makes me feel all squishy inside.

There will be more tomorrow.

Thanks!!!
mm_craig_parker on August 25th, 2005 05:29 am (UTC)
See I read it! Sheesh.. *shakes head*
Wow Mom, I loved that, it's so funny, hehe, I am going to make everyone read it!! *can't stop laughing* I give it five thumbs up! )That is if I had five thumbs...)
Mariaslave_o_spike on August 25th, 2005 09:32 am (UTC)
Re: See I read it! Sheesh.. *shakes head*
Five thumbs?! Wow!

Why can't you sleep?
mm_craig_parker on August 25th, 2005 05:30 am (UTC)
Squishy???? *scratches head*
What the F**k is a squishy?????? Okay mom... Now you are just plain old weird...
Mariaslave_o_spike on August 25th, 2005 09:33 am (UTC)
Re: Squishy???? *scratches head*
Squishy - the way Lester made you feel in your stomach. Okay?
Zinneh is Jesus: Squee!zinnydark on August 25th, 2005 06:23 am (UTC)
Hee!

I think Momma is a little biased. Best. Line. EVAH!

Methinks I like this Phil. :D

Can't wait to see more.
Mariaslave_o_spike on August 25th, 2005 09:34 am (UTC)
I like Phil too.

Yes, you'll learn lots about momma; Phil likes to bring her up.

More coming.
PKpokerkitten on August 25th, 2005 12:07 pm (UTC)
I actually read very very little fic, but I was browsing my flist when I should be working, as you do, and clickety click...

This is so clever and fun; I'm really looking forward to the next instalment *prods*
Maria: spangel - OTPslave_o_spike on August 25th, 2005 02:29 pm (UTC)
I'm glad I caught your attention enough for you to read.

I'm also glad you enjoyed reading it (I hope to keep up with the humor this setting provides me). The next installment should be out later today.

Thanks for the fb!
Helen: RPShellsbells on August 25th, 2005 04:25 pm (UTC)
Ooooooooooooo me likes!

Me also thinks this won't be the nasty kinda RPS that some people write. *whistles innocently and looks around*

Jimmy usually follows Davey up with something like, "Please Davey, take me!"

There's a good little Jimmy!

Loved this, looking forward to more!

*hugs*
Maria: Spikeslave_o_spike on August 26th, 2005 05:04 am (UTC)
Yes, he is a good little Jimmy, isn't he?

I'm so happy you like this. You're like one of my heroes.

*sob*
Nimenicnimenic on August 25th, 2005 11:10 pm (UTC)
*giggles*

Me likes Phil!

You must continue this story.

Jimmy usually follows Davey up with something like, "Please Davey, take me!"

Now I wonder where Jimmy needs Mister Boreanaz to take him to. I could take him. I have a car you know.


lol!

btw. I friended you.
Maria: Spikeslave_o_spike on August 26th, 2005 05:23 am (UTC)
Yay! A new friend! I friended you back.

I am continuing this story. I had planned on updating tonight but RL got in the way again so I'm shooting for tomorrow.

BTW, how did you find my story? Did someone ACTUALLY pimp me?! *shudders*
Nimenicnimenic on August 26th, 2005 01:54 pm (UTC)
Oh, I have my way of finding RPS. ;)

Actually I don't really know how I found it. i think I was browsing trough my flist and I saw you username, stopped by for a visit, saw RPS and started loving Phil. :)
Or something like that. *g*
Petpet_23 on August 25th, 2005 11:31 pm (UTC)
OMG! So cute. And so funny. *giggle*

You must write more adventures of Phil.
Maria: Spikeslave_o_spike on August 26th, 2005 05:26 am (UTC)
I made you giggle! *giggles with you*

Never fear - the adventures of Phil in Jossland shall continue.

*hugs*
Inca: Loves Itincasink on August 27th, 2005 05:02 am (UTC)
Whoa, Ive never read RPS from another person's perspective before! So original! :D I love the technique of the special Phil narration, that was very clever.

Everyone who knows him real well gets to call him Dave, except for Jimmy. He gets to call him Davey.


*pauses*... *sniggers*

Hee!

*zooms to next part*

Mariaslave_o_spike on August 27th, 2005 05:45 am (UTC)
Yay! You're reading my story! I wasn't sure if you were into RPS or not.

It's a bit unconventional, writing from the first point of view regarding other people. I'm not very strong on writing porn (as you can see, the one line I wrote Jimmy saying, sounded very soap opera-like). But I know I am good at writing about the obviously funny situations I have observed in my lifetime.

Thanks for the fb!
elizabeth_cselizabeth_cs on August 28th, 2005 01:21 am (UTC)
This is hilarious! Phil is absolutely adorable - I feel for the guy... having momma like that. :-) I would take Jimmy too, you know, I too have a car. He-he-he.
Maria: Spikeslave_o_spike on August 28th, 2005 02:00 am (UTC)
I have a car too! Let's ALL take Jimmy.

He'll never need a car again.

*snicker*

Thank you for reading and commenting.
His Minniemaxmygothangel on June 6th, 2006 06:26 pm (UTC)
OMG!! it's soo funny!
God I hope you wrote more of that (just found it)
"Why a grown person can't go get something for themselves, I'll never know."
LMAO
Maria: Spangel why demons eat their youngslave_o_spike on June 6th, 2006 10:49 pm (UTC)
Why thank you! I respond to comments no matter how old. Anywho, I saw you on my flist - I friended you back.

I do have to say though that I write in a new fandom (Queer as Folk) and I have written quite a bit more in that one (if you're into Brian/Justin go check out my memories). Also, if you're into crack!fic, I'm currently in the middle of a Cannibal!Brian crack!fic.

I have written 7 chapters of this. If the mood strikes me, I may sometimes write an update. This will be a slow one.
His Minniemaxmygothangel on June 7th, 2006 03:40 am (UTC)
"I have written 7 chapters of this"
I only found 6 chapters - could you tell me where No 7 is posted?
Maria: Spangel bad wigsslave_o_spike on June 7th, 2006 03:52 am (UTC)
My bad. I don't know what I was thinking. It was only 6.

Sorry. *makes Spike pouty face*