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26 August 2005 @ 08:53 pm
Chap 2 RPS JM/DB My Life as a Gopher  
Hey everyone! Thank you to everyone who read and commented on the first chapter. I really do appreciate it.

So I have chapter 2 here and now I need to know one more thing. When a person updates a story in their journal, they sometimes say something like "Previous chapters are in my memories here." I need to know how to link my memories to the word "here."

If anyone could steer me in the right direction, I would be very grateful.

So without further adieu...

Title: My Life as a Gopher
Chapter: 2/?
Pairing: DB/JM
Warnings: RPS! RPS! RPS! Don't read this if it offends you. None really. Some language and dirty talk
Disclaimers: I don't own Mister Boreanaz, Uncle Joss, Jimmy or J. These are not real situations, just fiction in my head. I do however, own Phil.
Feedback: Yes! Yes! Yes!




Chap 2


It's me, Phil, again.

You know, one of my favorite people on the set is J. I remember when I told momma that I made a new friend on the set and that his name was J, do you know the very first damn (sorry, pardon my language) thing she asked was, was if that was his real name. Damn (sorry) if she didn't laugh for some time about that! She then told me she was sorry and that she shouldn't make fun of no one's name like that but damn (she said it that time - momma's allowed to slip now and then) who would go and name their kid a letter of the alphabet?!

Momma sure is a hoot.

Anyways, I like J. He's always calling me his "dog." The first time he called me his dog, I told him I wasn't a dog, I was a gopher. He laughs and laughs and then shakes his head and says "Dude, you are something else!"

So I wonder, if I'm not a dog and I'm not a gopher then what the hell am I? (Pardon my language).

He's always giving me "high fives." I accidentally hurt him one time when I slapped him back. Uncle Joss got real mad at me and he sent me out for chicken. He always sends me out for chicken when he's mad at me, but that's a story for later.

I once asked him if he wanted to come home with me sometime and meet my momma and he said he'd have to take a raincheck. So I'm still waiting but you know how it is in Southern California. It never rains here.

I remember when Jimmy first came on the set to work this year. J was always talking to him. He asked him if he wanted to go play pool after shooting or go for drinks or go hang out with some of his dogs (I guess I'm not the only one).

Jimmy always smiles and declines (I just learned that word 3 days ago when I was applying for an American Express card). After this went on for awhile, J kinda got annoyed and goes and askes Mister Boreanaz if Jimmy can go out and play with him. Then he says to Mister Boreananz "seeing as how you're the one holding his leash."

I guess that Jimmy is Mister Boreanaz' dog.

Mister Boreanaz got real mad. I don't mean like when he throws one of his hissy fits and yells and tells me to go get something that he don't need. I mean mad like his forehead was even more scrunched up than usual (and that's saying alot). Momma once said that if Mister Boreanaz keeps doing that with his forehead, it'll stay like that. I think its too late.

Anyways, he gets real mad at that point and then Uncle Joss came over and told them to knock it off and they did. That didn't stop them from muttering something behind their backs.

I kinda made out what they both said and it was kinda rude. Momma always says, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all.

Then I caught a hand gesture that J made and that was rude too but then again, at least he didn't say anything.



It's now closing time and I'm off doing what I normally do at this time of night - cleaning up after everyone else. I'm always by the mens' shower room so I can see everyone before they leave for the night. Jimmy comes out of the shower room and I always think to myself at that moment how happy he looks after he's just showered. His hair's all messy and he's not wearing that make-up no more. The best part is when he smiles at me and waves and says "Hey Phil." He then waits and smokes one of his cigarettes.

I tried smoking one time so I could look as cool as Jimmy. I coughed and coughed and momma slapped me round the head and said she didn't raise no damn fool. You sure can bet I didn't do that no more.

I love watching him smoke so this is about the time that I hide behind one of the partitions so he can't see me. J walks out and gives Jimmy a nod and tells him he'll see him tomorrow. Then Mister Boreanaz comes out of nowhere and smiles at Jimmy.

Jimmy smiles back and then Mister Boreanaz pushes Jimmy up against the wall.

That must have hurt! But I guess it didn't cause Jimmy's still smiling and then they're rubbing against each other and looking at each other and then Mister Boreanaz grabs something and Jimmy starts panting alot.

I wonder if I should go and see if something's wrong.

Then I remember what Uncle Joss said once and I leave it alone. Well, actually, I'm really supposed to "walk away" but I don't feel like walkin' right now.

Then Mister Boreanaz says in this low voice that's kinda not like him "I see the way J looks at you. Does that get you all hot? What if I were to do you from behind while you sucked him off - you'd be the meat in a sandwich Jimmy. Would you like that Jimmy? Would you?"

Jimmy then screams something and then they're panting (both of them this time) and they're laughing and running off together.

Hmm. You know, a sandwich does seem real good at the moment. I'll stop off at the deli and pick one up on the way home.

And one for momma too, of course.


TBC
 
 
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: "Walk around in circles" Soul Coughing
 
 
 
Zinneh is Jesus: OTPzinnydark on August 27th, 2005 04:05 am (UTC)
<*a href="link to the page you want">here

Without the stars. :D

And did I mention that I really like Phil? Because I sooo do. I just want to hug him sometimes!

Jimmy always smiles and declines (I just learned that word 3 days ago when I was applying for an American Express card).
Bwee!
Zinneh is Jesuszinnydark on August 27th, 2005 04:06 am (UTC)
eep!

After the 'here' there's supposed to be a <*/a>... And 'here' can be anything you want, just so y'know.

:D
Mariaslave_o_spike on August 27th, 2005 05:47 am (UTC)
Thank you for the reference. I will try doing this on the next chapter when I update.

And yes, I love Phil too.

He's MY muse.

Did I mention how glad I am that you're reading my story and loving it!

*hugs*
Inca: Loves Itincasink on August 27th, 2005 05:09 am (UTC)
Still loving the technique, letting us put the pieces together when Phil can't.

Your wit is exceedingly funny, even though its a 'oh poor Phil' shake of the head combined with a smile.

My favourite of that: he said he'd have to take a raincheck. So I'm still waiting but you know how it is in Southern California. It never rains here.


And then slipping the same tongue in cheek humour to settle the punch of J kinda got annoyed and goes and askes Mister Boreanaz if Jimmy can go out and play with him. by using I guess that Jimmy is Mister Boreanaz' dog. was very, very funny. So good timing.
Mariaslave_o_spike on August 27th, 2005 05:56 am (UTC)
Phil is sort of my Forrest Gump. He's not quick but he does start to piece things together (or Uncle Joss wouldn't have given him the job).

I sometimes feel the world can be such an ugly place that the people that see it in a different light always make me smile.

And yeah, I didn't want to paint J as an asshole (because he's not in my story) so I had him give an excuse that was not flip or rude but when you see it from Phil's POV, it does kind of suck.

I'm really glad you're reading this (being that I hold your opinion very highly).

*smooches*

Pet: He's Mine...(Darn right he is Spike)pet_23 on August 27th, 2005 07:41 am (UTC)
Momma once said that if Mister Boreanaz keeps doing that with his forehead, it'll stay like that.
*howl*

OMG!!

I wanna be a gopher tooooooooo.....*melt*

Phil rocks. Go Phil with your mad whacky adventures. *hugs him*

*then you*
Mariaslave_o_spike on August 27th, 2005 07:58 am (UTC)
Re: Momma once said that if Mister Boreanaz keeps doing that with his forehead, it'll stay like tha
Hee hee! I wanna be a gopher too. Then we can both stand behind the partition and watch the boys!

I couldn't resist the jab to his brow and I thought the best person to bring that up would be momma (she's allowed alot of leeway).

*hugs you and Phil in group hug*
Felis: Obvious RPSfelisblanco on August 27th, 2005 10:17 pm (UTC)
I think I forgot to comment on the first part (I'm too lazy to go check) but I'm absolutely loving this. So funny. Phil, my boy, you are priceless. And your momma too.
Mariaslave_o_spike on August 28th, 2005 02:05 am (UTC)
*squeeee*

Okay, shameless squeeing over. I sooo love the fact that you're loving this. I respect your opinion very much!!

*hugs*

impaktitaimpaktita on August 27th, 2005 11:31 pm (UTC)
Truly wonderful. I'm anticipating for the next chap. Hope it'll be soon. LMFAO!

Bye and Ingatz!Lots of love!

Impaktita
Mariaslave_o_spike on August 28th, 2005 02:07 am (UTC)
I'll try to update soon (next day or two). It's kinda hard sometimes what with the kids and everything.

I'm glad that you're enjoying this and find it very funny - that's what I was shooting for!

Thanks *hugs*
elizabeth_cselizabeth_cs on August 28th, 2005 01:26 am (UTC)
Oh, please, continue. Such a great story and such an original presentation! *hugs*
Mariaslave_o_spike on August 28th, 2005 02:12 am (UTC)
Oh I'll be continuing with the further adventures of Phil.

Thank you for the great compliment. I wanted to do something different because I'm not so good with the porn.

*smoochies*
Nimenicnimenic on August 28th, 2005 08:27 pm (UTC)
LOL!

I love Phil. I just wanna take him home and hug him. :)

Your writing technique is wonderful and original.

Poor little Phil for not being aware of his surroundings.:)

Momma once said that if Mister Boreanaz keeps doing that with his forehead, it'll stay like that.
hehe..love Momma!



Mariaslave_o_spike on August 28th, 2005 09:49 pm (UTC)
At this point, everyone LOVES momma and Phil (of course, who wouldn't). Everyone wants to hug Phil but poor Phil just wants to get laid.

Thank you for the lovely praise! :) :)!!!

Helenhellsbells on September 12th, 2005 12:28 pm (UTC)
You know, a sandwich does seem real good at the moment.

Awww Phil *giggles* you're just too sweet for words.

Loving this, off to read the next! (Yes, I'm back from holiday!)
Mariaslave_o_spike on October 31st, 2005 03:40 pm (UTC)
More adventures of "Jimmy the lunchmeat" to come (or should I say cum?!)

(Oh that was bad....)

*facepalm*
His Minniemaxmygothangel on June 6th, 2006 06:32 pm (UTC)
I think it's my favourite fic EVAH!!
I really really wanted to quote my favourite sentence, but I realised I'd have to quote the whole fic
it's simply delicious
Maria: Spuffy cookiesslave_o_spike on June 6th, 2006 10:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you again. I do tend to be very snarky. The thing is with Phil, I can alittle sweeter and let everyone else be snarky.

Your favoritist fic? Wow, I'm positively blushing!
Doriantdorian on February 24th, 2007 12:49 am (UTC)
I've became such a big fan of your stories that i had to have a look at your lj ! And i'm not disappointed...i LOVE Angel and spike.So i guess u can consider myself already addicted on this one as well.*wink* Aida
Maria: BJ copulatingslave_o_spike on February 24th, 2007 01:29 am (UTC)
Couldn't get enough of me, huh? *smooches*

Anywho, there are 6 chapters of this actually. I was updating my memories when I got this email. Then just about 2 weeks ago, I brought Phil to Toronto to work on the QaF set in its 5th season (because Uncle Joss pulled some strings doncha know) but it's more of a standalone so you might want to check that out too.

My memories are completely updated now. You might want to check out The Toy.