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15 November 2005 @ 07:11 pm
RPS JM/DB Chap 4 My Life as a Gopher  
Uh hi! Remember me?!

I've been kinda busy and well, I plan on writing a post as to what I've been doing but for now I come offering another chapter of the wacky adventures of Phil.

Title: My Life as a Gopher
Chapter: 4/?
Pairing: JM/DB
Warnings: There is the mention of a brand name soft drink here and I have not sent renumeration or received permission to use such so....let's just keep this under our hats. Oh yeah, RPS RPS RPS
Feedback: Yes sir may I have another!!!!
Disclaimer: The scene did not really progress this way (duh!)


Chapter 4

You know, momma always says when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Well I sure wish I had those lemons right about now.

We had a scene that we were shooting where Jimmy, I mean Spike, drinks from this cup. Well it's not really a cup, more like a chalice like in the movies Ben Hur or Ten Commandments. You get the idea. Some movie with Charleton Heston in it, except of course for Soylent Green, and I'm getting off the point here again.

So anyways, Uncle Joss tells me to go to the vending machine and get a lemonade drink and pour it in the cup so that when Jimmy, I mean Spike, drinks the cup, he says "It's lemonade!"

I don't get it but then I'm not the screenwriter, I'm the gopher. So I go for the lemonade.

Only problem was that when I put the money in for the Minute Maid lemonade, nothing came out. And gosh darn if after I didn't put that money in, the little red light that comes on that says they're out of "that particular selection" comes on.

Now it tells me!

I don't want to ask Uncle Joss what to do because he has one of those looks right now on his face and momma didn't raise no fool so I decide to put my money in and get the Mountain Dew because it looks pretty darn close to the lemonade and besides, per the tv ads, everyone "does the dew."

So I go over and pour the Mountain Dew in the cup. Then Uncle Joss screams for everyone to be quiet. Jimmy starts walking up to the cup and picks it up as if it's the Holy Grail (and I know all about the Holy Grail because of Monty Python). He then takes a sip and looks really confused and says "It's...it's Mountain Dew."

Oh shit.

Crap.

Holy Fuck.

Pardon my French.

He didn't say the line right because he was surprised that it wasn't the lemonade. I close my eyes and look over to where Uncle Joss is sitting, waiting for the explosion (and I'm thinking, this will probably be nuclear) and the fucker (yes you heard me, I said fucker, sorry momma) was.....he was....

SMILING!

I could see him mouthing the word "Genius" to the producer sitting next to him.

I could tell everyone was pretty amazed with the scene and even Jimmy looked pretty cool when he turned around.

It was perfect!

And then Jimmy dropped the cup.




Well as it turned out, Uncle Joss still managed to save the scene and just re-shot the part where he sets the cup back down and walks away. He was so happy about how shocked Jimmy's expression was when he drank out of the cup that he loaded some new music to my MP3 player.

So as the day kept going, everyone was giving Jimmy a hard time about dropping the cup. It wasn't in a bad way, but I was kind of getting tired of it by the end of the day. Like the boom guy - when he walked by Jimmy and Alexis, he pretended to drop the mic and then caught it. Then the other guy says, "Oops Fred, you did a Marsters"

Jimmy and Alexis laughed and then Jimmy gave him a hand gesture that I don't really want to repeat.

Then Jimmy walks by me and says "brilliant idea, you know, with the Mountain Dew."

So I said back "Thanks Jimmy. And I won't bring up the whole thing of you dropping the cup."

"Well thanks for not bringing it up, Phil" he says as he walks past me muttering something that sounds like "make one stupid mistake." I couldn't make much more of it though.

I look back at him to see if he was okay and then I see Mister Boreanaz step out of nowhere and he puts his hands over Jimmy's eyes. Then he licks up the side of Jimmy's throat.

O-kay.....

Then Jimmy says, "J, is that you?"

Mister Boreanaz does one of those eyebrow scrunching things that momma always talks about and turns Jimmy around really rough-like and says "you BETTER be joking."

"Well duh! You know I'm joking." Jimmy then puts his arms around Mister Boreanaz. "Besides, I like my balls right where they are, thank you very much."

Well, who doesn't.

Then Mister Boreanaz gets this evil looking smirk on his face and says, "You were a very bad boy today, Jimmy - dropping that cup like that."

Jimmy starts laughing then and says "Did you see how white Joss got....hey, what are you doing?!?! Davey???"

Shit!

Davey, I mean Mister Boreanaz spins Jimmy around and flattens him against the wall. He then pulls his pants down to right below his ass and if you've ever seen Jimmy's ass, just let me tell you, if I had an ass like that, I could probably get laid a hell of a lot more (well, I'd get laid anyway).

He then starts to spank, yep you got it, SPANK, Jimmy!

"That's"...thwack..."for"...thwack..."being"...thwack...

Jimmy, who's been panting against the wall and moaning then turns to Dav, Mister, uh, Davey and says "being what Davey?"

Mister Boreanaz gets this glazed look in his eyes and then starts whispering something to Jimmy. They both look down and start panting really heavily and then Jimmy says "okay."

They both took off so quick I sure hope Jimmy remembered to zip up his fly.

Well, I sure as hell hope I never piss Mister Boreanaz off enough to spank ME.

They sure do take punishment pretty seriously around here.
 
 
 
Helenhellsbells on November 16th, 2005 11:07 am (UTC)
LMAO!

I love you so much.

And I've missed this as well as missing you!

So good to see you and Phil back.

*hugs you tightly*
Mariaslave_o_spike on November 16th, 2005 05:22 pm (UTC)
*squeezes you back just as tight*

Yep, I had to write something like this after I saw the outtakes on the Angel Season 5 DVDs. When Jimmy dropped that cup, I thought that was the cutest thing (especially the smile following it).

somecandytalkin on November 16th, 2005 02:05 pm (UTC)
(and I know all about the Holy Grail because of Monty Python)
I could probably get laid a hell of a lot more (well, I'd get laid anyway).

Heeeeeeee! I enjoyed this!
Mariaslave_o_spike on November 16th, 2005 05:24 pm (UTC)
Re: (and I know all about the Holy Grail because of Monty Python)
Yay another new reader of my insane ramblings!

Phil just needs to get laid in a very bad way.

Glad you're enjoying.
(Deleted comment)
Mariaslave_o_spike on November 16th, 2005 05:27 pm (UTC)
Hey Phil! You're not the only one that doesn't get it. Can you imagine being told certain parts of a script, without knowing any background in the scene, and then trying to figure out why it's supposed to be funny?!

It's great to have Phil's perspective on things.

I was going to reply to your last comment but just decided to post. Have you updated "School's Out?" I just love that story. I once checked out your lj and noticed Randy on it - do you write any QaF fiction? Justin is my fav on that show too.
stakeaclaimstakeaclaim on November 16th, 2005 06:17 pm (UTC)
Why haven't I caught this before?! Original, funny, loved it! Will now search out the other chapters...
Mariaslave_o_spike on November 16th, 2005 07:36 pm (UTC)
I haven't updated this story for 2 1/2 months now. I've been out of the fandom loop big time. Have you updated since I've been away (I think I'm WAY beyond going through my flist at this point).

Tell me what you think of the previous chapters!
Nimenicnimenic on November 16th, 2005 11:13 pm (UTC)
Yay, you're back and you brought Phil with you. :)

I missed reading about the adventures of Phil.

O-kay.....
That cracked me up. *g*


Mariaslave_o_spike on November 18th, 2005 04:35 am (UTC)
I'm back and I brought Phil with me.

Truth be known, I can't shake Phil. Wherever I go, he's there.

Weird, huh?!

Glad your'e still reading :)
mm_craig_parker on January 28th, 2006 03:59 am (UTC)
The best chapter yet mamma *hugs perverted minded mom*
Wow mom, that was... That was.... *So many thoughts in head about that one*


Yeah... That was fucking hilarious!!! Gotta love Phil! Great chapter though mom. We need more chapters god damn it! More Phil! *rants*
Doriantdorian on February 25th, 2007 09:15 pm (UTC)
Phil cracks me up !!The way he sees things in a very innocent and refreshing way is just priceless.
So, Justin is your favourite character in qaf...funny, i would have never guess.I've akways had a soft spot for Ted and Brian...well, it's Brian , no need to elaborate.lol Still struggling with your cannibal story's update ?Aida
Maria: BJ cuddleslave_o_spike on February 25th, 2007 09:39 pm (UTC)
I remember when I came up with Phil. It was in te early morning hours and suddenly it came to me and WHAM - Phil was born.

Justin is my fav just because he keeps coming back no matter what happens to him. Brian has built all these walls and has encased himself away from so many people - I always sort of felt Mikey was in a way an enabler because of this.

I was very happy to see Justin bring Brian out of himself and make him a better person.

That's just my opinion.

However, I will say (and I guess as you can see with all my writing) that I could probably write essays upon essays about the person who is Brian Kinney. Although Justin is my favorite character, Brian is in my heart and he's my muse for this fandom. He has so many facets to him that I just adore writing him. I know where those walls come from and I can empathize with his character, so when I write him, it's not a chore. He's perfect in his imperfecttions in every way.

When I told Brie what I said above, that Justin is my favorite, I did mean it. But at that time, it was more of because the way Justin was getting 'bashed' around the fandom at the time. No one stopped to look at who the charcater was so I was defending him.

Still, it's hard to just pick one fav - I love Brian, I love Justin and lastly, I love Ted too!

I think you can tell from my stories how much I adore these three. I love Brian and Justin when they're together and I love Ted. He was just so perfect for the show but sometimes so wrongly used. People are always saying how much they love the way I write Ted - even in my cannibal fic - I still write him so everyone loves him.

Sorry - I can be very verbose when it comes to the show.

And yes, the next update for the cannibal fic is pissing me off. The rhythm's off somewhat. :P
Doriantdorian on February 26th, 2007 11:47 am (UTC)
Don't be sorry, it's always interesting for me to have the author's point of view, at least for me ! lol
I really like Justin too in the first two seasons and then i've kind of lost interest in him because i wasn't particulary found of the pinkwhatever thing and after that period for me he was just a shadow of the Justin i liked.I guess, some fans have been disappointed because of him letting Brian down several times but i have to admit it never bothered me...lol I wouldn't have understood if someone so young wouldn't have experimented things and just have settled down with his first love (even if it's godamn Brain fuckingKinney ! lol)
I really like your point of view on Brian and totally agree with you.He is the man of many facets indeed and he never stopped changing during all these seasons.I've loved that.
Damn , i can be verbose too ! lol Aida
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