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01 June 2006 @ 07:40 am
Part 2 of Queer as Folk Crack!fic  
Okay, as I said before, and yay for the few of you reading this, here's another update of my crack!fic.


Title: Ma, Can I keep him?
Chapter: 2/?
Pairing: B/J, implied E/J; also possibly, inter-species pairing (Hey, we're still not sure of Mikey's parentage
Rating: PG-13 so far.
Warnings: None so far. It is afterall a cannibal fic. Nothing squicky, just allusions to things that might make people uncomfortable. The word 'eviscerate' is used quite a bit.

Disclaimers: I don't own Cowlip. And 'no,' I am not on any medications.
Summary: This is crack!fic. It is a cannibal crack!fic. It is tongue-in-cheek black humor. This is the warning within the summary. Debbie is the Sweeney Todd type living in some backwater town (not too far from Pittsburgh) with her mentally disturbed son, Mikey (yes, I stuck to canon) and adopted son, Brian. Justin and Ethan are passing through.



Cross posted at qaf_bunnies. If you would like to see updates, you can friend me.




Chapter 2


There are times, like now, when Brian is trudging his way through sludge to get to whatever it is he caught in one of the traps he set, that he thinks to himself that he was meant for something different. He was meant for bigger things. Things like glamorous careers in fields that would insure you offices on Madison Avenue, Armani and Prada suits, and partying with the "beautiful people" at all hours of the night. Not things like jobs that required you setting out roadkill as obstacles while wearing dirty Carharts and Levi overalls, your only designer labels. Brian's forms of entertainment out here consisted of going to the local hetero bar while watching the townie women try to pick up the equally inebriated townie men (both genders of which had dental issues that they never seemed to address) or watching whilst Mikey yet again incurred the wrath of the garbage yard dog, Tornado, by mooning him on the other side of the fence.

This was Brian's life. Sometimes, he envied the people that he eviscerated - for them, it was over.

He saw the motorcycle that he was looking for. It was on its side, with its tire blown out, courtesy of Brian's chain. Brian saw a lone figure lying in the grass not too far from the bike. As he walked up to the figure, he noticed the figure started to stir.

Brian hated it when they were still awake. He pulled a hypodermic needle and vial from his oh-so-stylish overalls pocket. He could probably pack all of Mikey's action figures and some of Debbie's porcelain clowns in the pockets of these things, they were so baggy.

Brian looked down at the figure, a dark helmet covering its head. Brian always felt it was better to refer to his prey as 'it' rather than 'he' or 'she' - they were food, nothing more. As he leaned over the body, he took in the shabbiness of the clothes. Christ! They were worse than his. Obviously this boy didn't shop at Abercrombie or even the Gap. He also noticed that when he felt the body up that it was very flabby and quite out of shape. They might not have to fatten this one up that much. He lifted the helmet off its head.

When the black curls spilled onto Brian's hand, he recoiled. God! Did this kid ever wash its hair?!

"What's...where? Unggggghh...," the thing started to utter.

"Oh look, it speaks. And here I thought you would be easy," Brian snidely said. "I'd say you're fucked boy, and not in a positive, life-affirming way either."

"Huh? Who are you?" It suddenly looked panicked. "Where's Justin?!?" It started to look around jerkily. Brian shoved the hypo into its arm as quickly as possible. The figure jerked a bit and then settled back.

Great. There was someone else. The problem was, he didn't see anyone else at the moment. The body could have been thrown and now he might have to search all night trying to find it. Or it could have gotten away and saw Brian and was now running off in search of help.

Brian leaned down over the body and got close to its ear. "You stay here. I'll be right back with your little friend."

Brian got up, kicked the body because it was there and started looking for his other prey.

He walked a few paces and noticed a body lying in the ditch. The figure had been thrown a pretty good distance from the bike. Brian sure hoped it was still alive. Debbie didn't like it when she didn't have time to fatten them up. She also didn't like to think of cutting something as offensive as "roadkill." Brian looked over the body. He kicked the foot a few times. He then leaned over the chest and listened for any kind of heartbeat.

It was there - a very strong thump, thump, thump. Brian was also aware of how nice this one smelled. At least this one was more hygienically aware than his friend.

Okay, this was good. Now all he had to do was lift its helmet off. As Brian pried the helmet off its head, instead of black, greasy curls, he felt the ever-so-soft fine strands of golden hair brush his fingertips. He decided he had to look at the face attached to that hair.

"Holy Shit," Brian said under his breath.

There was no fucking way that was going into the sausage.

Now he just had to convince Debbie of that.





TBC


Go to Chapter 3


Feedback is welcome, as always. You know - you hated it, you loved it, I should take up stamp collecting....
 
 
Current Mood: awakeawake
 
 
 
Chaos..panic..disorder...my work here is done.: Mandy-brian orgasmjillapet on June 1st, 2006 04:08 pm (UTC)
This was Brian's life. Sometimes, he envied the people that he eviscerated - for them, it was over.


OMG, this is going to become my new email signature...

I love Brian lamenting over his overalls. This is to freakin' funny...
Maria: BJ Sex Take 2slave_o_spike on June 1st, 2006 04:34 pm (UTC)
Even in a backwater town, Brian is still a label queen.

I'm glad I could be the muse to your email sig.

Thanks
Hating you makes me all warm inside.: brian protectivehappier_bunny on June 1st, 2006 08:05 pm (UTC)
OMG...I totally can't get enough of this. You're killing me with the whole thing!!

I can't stop laughing. thank you for that!
Maria: Frodo doesn't live here anymoreslave_o_spike on June 2nd, 2006 12:43 am (UTC)
OMG...I totally can't get enough of this.

That's why it's called crack. Gotta suck you in with the first few chapters then Wham! I disappear never to be seen again....

You're killing me with the whole thing!!

Hey, ya know, crack kills.

Seriously though, aside from the whole "he's a savage eviscerating cannibal" (well maybe not savage exactly), is Brian still IC? I'm trying to keep the same sense of black humor I always felt he had on the show.

Also (I'm just full of questions), how do you edit something after it's been posted for awhile - I just noticed a typo that (to me at least) really sticks out.


(no subject) - happier_bunny on June 2nd, 2006 12:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on June 2nd, 2006 12:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - happier_bunny on June 2nd, 2006 12:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
Total Word Salad: bitch pleaseepicallytired on June 1st, 2006 10:57 pm (UTC)
you just killed me dead... in a PLAW

wow... you rock.
Maria: Jack I don't get itslave_o_spike on June 2nd, 2006 12:44 am (UTC)
you just killed me dead

As i said above to the bunny, crack kills.

PLAW? I don't know that one. It's probably something terribly obvious and I just showed my internet ignorance.

And thank you for the fb.
(no subject) - epicallytired on June 2nd, 2006 12:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on June 2nd, 2006 12:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - epicallytired on June 2nd, 2006 01:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
Still want him in your pack?: lip smacking gale by suzvoy_alicesprings on June 2nd, 2006 09:10 am (UTC)
I am loving this so much!

It's cracking me up and it's so very, very wrong and I love it!

My fave part;

There are times, like now, when Brian is trudging his way through sludge to get to whatever it is he caught in one of the traps he set, that he thinks to himself that he was meant for something different. He was meant for bigger things. Things like glamorous careers in fields that would insure you offices on Madison Avenue, Armani and Prada suits, and partying with the "beautiful people" at all hours of the night. Not things like jobs that required you setting out roadkill as obstacles while wearing dirty Carharts and Levi overalls, your only designer labels.

Cos you know, cannibal!Brian is very deep!

I'm friending ya to keep up.
Maria: Southpark Justin Posse Justinslave_o_spike on June 2nd, 2006 01:28 pm (UTC)
It's cracking me up...

Well, they don't call it crack!fic for nothin'.

And yes, it is wrong. Very, very, very wrong. And I should be punished. Preferably by Justin and Brian...like now...*whistles while waiting*

And of course he's deep. He may be a cannibal, but he still has his dreams and hopes for the future...and...and...fashion tips for those known only as "they-who-shall-soon-be-eaten."

Thanks and I friended ya back. I'm looking at updating sometime tonight.
netlagdnetlagd on June 3rd, 2006 02:31 am (UTC)
I know it's supposed to be sweeney todd, but something about The Waterboy keeps running through my head. Mikey being the Adam Sandler character of course, just not as lovable. And Deb, I can just see her in Kathy Bates role.

I admit it, you are my new crack
Maria: My Fandom has chainsawsslave_o_spike on June 3rd, 2006 03:30 am (UTC)
God, there are so many bits and pieces of movies I'm thinking about right now and the Adam Sandler role in The Waterboy didn't even register but now that I think of it, you're right! (Only, of course, not as lovable). Of course.

I see you friended me - I friended you back.

I admit it, you are my new crack

Then my job is done.

BTW, your latest series, Educating Justin is my new crack so I guess we have a whole "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" thing going.
cinnamon girl: canyoufitnowtamalinn on June 3rd, 2006 06:40 pm (UTC)
Sometimes, he envied the people that he eviscerated - for them, it was over.
hee hee hee hee hee hee hee
Maria: My Fandom has chainsawsslave_o_spike on June 4th, 2006 12:39 am (UTC)
I don't know - it just seemed like the kind of thing Cannibal!Brian would say, ya know?

BTW, that picture has me giggling. I know its S4 but I couldn't possibly place the scene.
(no subject) - tamalinn on June 4th, 2006 02:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
seanmegansean: OWLseanmegansean on June 4th, 2006 11:10 am (UTC)
When the black curls spilled onto Brian's hand, he recoiled. God! Did this kid ever wash its hair?! ROFLMAO...so dead on, too *g*

*off to next chapter*
Maria: Psycho fandom issuesslave_o_spike on June 4th, 2006 12:02 pm (UTC)
I really love having fun at Ethan's expense.
SATURNsaturn0432 on June 5th, 2006 06:58 am (UTC)
There was no way that was going into the sausage. Priceless......SATURN
Maria: Frodo doesn't live here anymoreslave_o_spike on June 5th, 2006 07:21 am (UTC)
Hee hee. Thanks. I update pretty regularly.
(no subject) - saturn0432 on June 5th, 2006 07:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Maria: creepy open doorslave_o_spike on June 6th, 2006 04:17 am (UTC)
There are some of us that can find humor even in the blackest of places...
FanSee: Emmett Sezfansee on June 10th, 2006 03:02 am (UTC)
Sondheim
You and Steven...I think you're funnier. FanSee
Maria: Frodo doesn't live here anymoreslave_o_spike on June 10th, 2006 03:30 am (UTC)
Re: Sondheim
Well, I'll take that as a big, wopping compliment being that his Sweeney Todd was considered his best work.

Thanks. If you want to see updates you can friend me and I'll friend ya back. I don't think I'll be posting this anywhere else.
Re: Sondheim - fansee on June 10th, 2006 03:51 am (UTC) (Expand)
Inca: Loves Itincasink on June 10th, 2006 03:14 pm (UTC)
I am pissing myself laughing....
Maria: Jack I don't get itslave_o_spike on June 10th, 2006 03:21 pm (UTC)
TMI!!! :D:D:D
penguin88penguin88 on July 2nd, 2006 11:37 pm (UTC)
Loved this: Things like glamorous careers in fields that would insure you offices on Madison Avenue, Armani and Prada suits, and partying with the "beautiful people" at all hours of the night. Not things like jobs that required you setting out roadkill as obstacles while wearing dirty Carharts and Levi overalls, your only designer labels.

and this: There was no fucking way that was going into the sausage.

This fic is so bizarre, but that it probably why I'm liking it so much. The idea of Brian as a Levi trucking outcast is almost too good to be allowed. Thanks for writing!
Maria: Gale Misunderstood Cannibalslave_o_spike on July 3rd, 2006 02:26 pm (UTC)
Bizarre is an understatement.

Everyone loves the overalls.

Thanks
Thistle: justin amused by paddiesthistle90 on July 6th, 2006 12:21 am (UTC)
Mmmm, crackfic. It's what's for dinner.

So backwoods, Sweeny Todd, cannibal Brian dresses like....Gale? Please tell me he at least shaves regularly.

Awww, Brian sees Justin and is all "Nothin's gonna haaaaarrrmmm you, not while I'm around." :D
Maria: Frodo doesn't live here anymoreslave_o_spike on July 6th, 2006 04:58 am (UTC)
Even Cannibal!Brian can be sweet (and not as in tasty).

He will shave, eventually...
(Deleted comment)
Maria: Gale Misunderstood Cannibalslave_o_spike on May 25th, 2007 08:03 pm (UTC)
I bet he does smell nice! LOL!

And yeah, it is kinda sweet in an awww-he's-so-not-gonna-eat-him way. :)
adelais_liliadelais_lili on August 30th, 2007 08:58 am (UTC)
Nice one. Love it.

God! Did this kid ever wash its hair?! :)) Aghh Grease!Haired Ethan. :))) I don't know about the hair wash but we saw him one time taking a bath. But it was with Justin, so I'm not sure if it counts.

There was no fucking way that was going into the sausage. Brain is so f*cked. That makes me happy. Can't wait for more so I'm of to the next.
More hugs. Later.
Maria: cannibal fic copulatingslave_o_spike on August 31st, 2007 06:49 pm (UTC)
Yep! Took one look at Justin and he is f***ed!!! That's all it takes!

And Ethan will most definitely fuck up the grease content of sausage. LOL!

*hugs you back*