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02 June 2006 @ 06:42 pm
QaF Cannibal CrackFic Chap 3  
As promised to my many (*snerk*) readers, here is the update of my QaF Cannibal Crack!fic.


Title: Ma? Can I Keep Him?
Chapter: 3/?
Pairing: B/J; implied E/J; various
Summary: Debbie is the Sweeney Todd mother of her mentally deranged son, Mikey and adopted son, Brian. They make sausages out of passersby. Justin and Ethan are passing through their tiny backwater town.
Rating: R
Warnings: Well, it is a cannibal fic. This is very black humor. So beware. There's nothing squicky really. There will be some things that people might be uncomfortable with.
Disclaimers: I don't own Cowlip or a George Foreman grill or a jacuzzi....


Cross-posted at qaf_bunnies

Previous chapters are in my memories here






Chapter 3


As Brian drove away from the crash site with his new acquisitions, he started to recall a time when he had brought a small kitten home to show Debbie. He was probably around eight or nine at the time. He had found it in the ravine not too far from the spot he was at tonight. The kitten was a small tawny Tabby that had a way of looking at you while it crooked its head to the side. Brian was immediately enthralled with it. He rushed home with it and begged Debbie to let him
keep it. He had already named it 'Bronze.' Debbie said they didn't need something that would eat, sleep and poop around the house when they already had Mikey. She then gave one of her many chuckles, rubbed his head and then told him to get rid of it or she would do it for him.

Well, Brian thought, that just wouldn't do. Especially knowing, even at the tender age he was at the time, what "getting rid" of something meant to Debbie. Debbie had taken pity on her young charge and had decided to give it to one of the local boys, a youth by the name of Emmett Honeycutt.

Brian figured that at least the kitty had a good home. That is until he saw the kitty when they were all out playing together. Emmett had decided that 'Bronze' was now to be his little dolly. Emmett had dressed the kitten in every Cabbage Patch Doll dress he could find.

The worst part was that he usually picked colors that clashed with its tawny fur. This was just unacceptable to Brian. There were times he felt that maybe he should take young Emmett in hand and explain to him how this was not an okay thing to do. If that didn't work, and this was be a last resort because Brian was not known as a violent boy, he would show him the business end of his fist. There were other times when he felt it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference and he should just put the damn cat out of its misery.

Luckily for Bronze, the situation had been taken out of his hands by a car on its way through town for a joyride.

The car never stopped. Bronze was now out of its misery and Emmett was oblivious to the loss.

Brian looked over to the other side of the benchseat of his old Ford truck. There lay the boy. Actually the boy had a name. It was Justin Taylor. Brian had gathered from all the information in Justin Taylor's wallet that he was 19 years old, a Sophomore at the Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts and had several allergies. He was also a member at the GALC which confirmed what Brian had hoped and believed to be true - that he batted for the same team as Brian himself. Brian was just hoping that he was a catcher for that same team what with the ass the kid had.

The kid was still knocked out with his head propped against the passenger window. Brian thought he probably should have shot Justin up with some of his sedatives so he wouldn't wake up at an inappropriate time. The motorcycle and the thing were in the bed of his pick up. His cover story wouldn't work on the kid if he woke up and looked in the back.

That would be very, very bad.

Brian noticed the boy starting to stir. Shit! He just wasn't having any luck.

There was some groaning and Justin's lips started to move and there was some actual eye activity going on. Double Shit! If only the kid could hang on for just a little longer, Brian would be in the free and clear.

Justin's head rolled forward and blue eyes opened blearily. The boy then licked his lips and stared straight at Brian.

"Are you God?," the kid asked sleepily.

Brian chuckled while staring straight ahead. "Hardly," he replied.

"Am I dead?" Justin asked with a look of bewilderment on his face.

"No," Brian said. He leaned over and brushed some stray hairs out of Justin's face. "Go back to sleep. I'm taking you somewhere safe," Brian said softly.

"Okay," Justin said while resting his head back again and falling into another deep sleep. "Safe. Safe is good..."

Safe was relative in the home Brian lived in. How was Brian to explain he was taking the kid out of the frying pan and into the fire via the meat grinder if this all went badly with Debbie. He realized he needed to try. He felt a certain protectiveness towards the kid.

And its this little fact that pissed Brian off to no end. He hated feelings of any kind. Brian always felt that feelings and emotions should be dealt with like people - hunted, trapped, gutted and then mixed with some ingredients and turned into a tasty breakfast treat. But Brian knew better than that. It just didn't happen like that.

No, it wasn't anything too deep or revelatory for Brian. The simple fact was that the world was an ugly place and just like the kitten before, the boy was beautiful and needed to be protected. There was also the fact that Brian had plans for the boy himself that did not include him being served for breakfast.

Brian convinced himself that it would be fine. Debbie would probably take the kid in - she had strict standards for who she used; the kid probably didn't fall into them.

But just in case, Brian would keep an eye on Justin. There was no way in Hell that he could stomach seeing Justin in a dress that clashed horribly with his delicate skin tones under Emmett's care.

If that were to happen, he would have to show one much older Mr. Honeycutt the business end of his hunting knife.




TBC



Go to Chapter 4



Feedback is welcome....I think......
 
 
Current Mood: naughtynaughty
 
 
 
Hating you makes me all warm inside.: bunny psychohappier_bunny on June 3rd, 2006 02:05 am (UTC)
You are a sick genius and I love that..oh and I friended you!

The car never stopped. Bronze was now out of its misery and Emmett was oblivious to the loss.

ROFL

Justin's head rolled forward and blue eyes opened blearily. The boy then licked his lips and stared straight at Brian.

"Are you God?," the kid asked sleepily.

Brian chuckled while staring straight ahead. "Hardly," he replied.

"Am I dead?" Justin asked with a look of bewilderment on his face.

"No," Brian said. He leaned over and brushed some stray hairs out of Justin's face. "Go back to sleep. I'm taking you somewhere safe," Brian said softly.

Safe was relative in the home Brian lived in. How was Brian to explain he was taking the kid out of the frying pan and into the fire via the meat grinder if this all went badly with Debbie. He realized he needed to try. He felt a certain protectiveness towards the kid.


awe...so sweet and so very scary and hilarious...ROFLMAO."tasty breakfast treat" oh my god, can't stop laughing..whew.

More please!

Maria: My Fandom has chainsawsslave_o_spike on June 3rd, 2006 03:25 am (UTC)
You are a sick genius and I love that

Well, at least we're positive on the 'sick' part...

awe...so sweet and so very scary and hilarious.

Wow! I hit all 3?! Cool.

I hope to have the next part tomorrow. I swear this stuff is writing itself (look - see? No hands!!!) It's helping my muse and keeping me sane right now.

I friended you back.
Total Word Saladepicallytired on June 3rd, 2006 05:00 am (UTC)
i friended you too... and i'm loving this.

you know... all the good plots have been written, and so have most of the bad ones...

so lets just go with the CRACK!

funny, and sweet, and just crackalicious...how do you do that?
Maria: Southpark Justin Life Hardslave_o_spike on June 3rd, 2006 06:27 am (UTC)
so lets just go with the CRACK!

I agree. I could write angst, but I just don't want to. I could write another Justin-down-a-well, (of course, I guess I am; I mean, he'll be recuperating in a house inhabited by cannibals...oh, and Mikey) but I just don't want to. MPreg? No no no no no. I can't even classify that as crack anymore - it's been done to death. I just wanted something different.

funny, and sweet, and just crackalicious...how do you do that?

It's a gift. *rolls eyes*

Thanks for the fb! Hope your de-stimulating from the whole-bad-day-at-work thing.
(no subject) - epicallytired on June 3rd, 2006 06:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
Still want him in your pack?: lip smacking gale by suzvoy_alicesprings on June 3rd, 2006 07:53 am (UTC)
Awesome, awesomeness! Brian already loves Justin, and he hasn't even had a taste yet, bwah!

And one of the best parts, like you say, is that it hasn't already been done to death. You are taking my cannibal!Brian virginity. Mmm give me more, I love it ;)
Maria: My Fandom has chainsawsslave_o_spike on June 4th, 2006 12:21 am (UTC)
Brian already loves Justin, and he hasn't even had a taste yet, bwah!

Aaaah, but the first bite will be oh-so-goood. And I don't know if I'd classify it as "love" yet. Brian has yet to give his rendition on love.

You are taking my cannibal!Brian virginity

Well then I have one thing to ask you, "Had a busy night?"

Mmm give me more, I love it

Spoken like a true crack addict. More soon.
cinnamon girl: hahatamalinn on June 3rd, 2006 06:44 pm (UTC)
"Are you God?,"
well, his name *is* brian kinney. :O)
Maria: Listening to Satanic musicslave_o_spike on June 4th, 2006 12:23 am (UTC)
I couldn't resist throwing that line in. Thanks for the fb.

I should be updating tonight or tomorrow.
harkaharka on June 3rd, 2006 06:46 pm (UTC)
I become addicted to this fic.

Brian was immediately enthralled with it. He rushed home with it and begged Debbie to let him keep it. He had already named it 'Bronze.' Debbie said they didn't need something that would eat, sleep and poop around the house when they already had Mikey.

Super comparison!

He felt a certain protectiveness towards the kid.

And its this little fact that pissed Brian off to no end. He hated feelings of any kind. Brian always felt that feelings and emotions should be dealt with like people - hunted, trapped, gutted and then mixed with some ingredients and turned into a tasty breakfast treat. But Brian knew better than that. It just didn't happen like that.


And a lot of real Brian Kinney!

This story of yours is complete, total "uncoupling"!

I friended you!

Keep cracking, Maria!

Maria: Psycho fandom issuesslave_o_spike on June 4th, 2006 12:33 am (UTC)
I friended ya back, btw, so you can keep up with the updates (since according to your first comment, you are now addicted - my job is done).

And yeah, I'm not real nice to Mikey here. It's...complicated...like Justin and Brian's non-relationship. It's my way of dealing with S5 (which I've been rewatching this week).

And a lot of real Brian Kinney!

LOL! I always felt that Brian was a bit cutthroat - not abusive or downright mean - just cutthroat, so what better way to do a character analysis of one of my favorite characters than as a cannibal?!

Keep cracking, Maria!

I should be dealing more tonight or tommorow. Thanks!
(no subject) - harka on June 4th, 2006 04:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Chaos..panic..disorder...my work here is done.: Mandy-brian orgasmjillapet on June 4th, 2006 11:53 pm (UTC)
There really isn't much that I can say. I inspired this insanity that is quickly turning into an important part of my daily routine....

I'm not sure whether I would be revered or hated.

Anyway, I love it. Can't wait to see what Mikey does when Brian brings home his new "pet".
Maria: Enter at your own riskslave_o_spike on June 5th, 2006 12:15 am (UTC)
I inspired this insanity that is quickly turning into an important part of my daily routine....

Actually, I was thinking of posting this anyway. I was just trying to find a way to bring it up at the coffeeclub and when I saw you post a request for it, I thought I'd ask and see what the protocol is for it. I'm glad it's become something you look forward to everyday though! Yay!

I'm not sure whether I would be revered or hated.

Well, judging from the positive fb, I don't know - you tell me.

Mikey is going to be a fun one to write in this. Thanks for the fb!
kimberbabykimberbaby on June 5th, 2006 04:27 pm (UTC)
The motorcycle and the thing were in the bed of his pick up.

Hee! The thing. Perfect.

:X:X:X
Maria: Southpark Justin Life Hardslave_o_spike on June 5th, 2006 07:05 pm (UTC)
Hee! Yeah. Or better known as "the thing that came between Justin and Brian S2".

So apropos
(Deleted comment)
Maria: Listening to Satanic musicslave_o_spike on June 5th, 2006 09:13 pm (UTC)
You do realize I'm probably going to be put away....
(Anonymous) on June 9th, 2006 06:52 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad I found this!!!!
This is *just* what this fandom has been needing--and we didn't even know it.

I love it. Ben's games with Mikey, Brian's fashion longings, not to mention his food fetishes--are all just delightful. And completely in character, in my opinion.

And of course our sweet, innocent Justin. How could Debbie even consider making snackies out of him ;) (I'm glad she didn't cook the kitten. Now that would have just been gross)

I hope it's ok that I'm friending you so that I don't miss a chapter. Seriously, it's great to see something "completely different." This fits my sense of humor very nicely.

Donna

ta_wandata_wanda on June 9th, 2006 06:54 pm (UTC)
Re: I'm so glad I found this!!!!
Sorry, I'm logged in, now.
Re: I'm so glad I found this!!!! - slave_o_spike on June 9th, 2006 07:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: I'm so glad I found this!!!! - ta_wanda on June 9th, 2006 09:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Inca: Brianincasink on June 10th, 2006 03:19 pm (UTC)
Brian always felt that feelings and emotions should be dealt with like people - hunted, trapped, gutted and then mixed with some ingredients and turned into a tasty breakfast treat.

That is awesome beyond the telling of it.
Maria: creepy open doorslave_o_spike on June 10th, 2006 03:24 pm (UTC)
It's fun seeing which lines people pick out that they like the best.

Oh, and yeah, I'm right behind ya....
entr0ki on June 17th, 2006 06:54 pm (UTC)
Oh em gee this crack is so gooooood~
Maria: Young Ones mouseslave_o_spike on June 18th, 2006 12:22 am (UTC)
Ah, you're feeling the buzz of the crack now....
penguin88penguin88 on July 2nd, 2006 11:44 pm (UTC)
But just in case, Brian would keep an eye on Justin. There was no way in Hell that he could stomach seeing Justin in a dress that clashed horribly with his delicate skin tones under Emmett's care.


When you said this, I got this image in my mind of when Emmett dressed Mikey for his date with Dr. David... I'm glad that Justin will not have a similar fate. I also loved the little part on catching/batting for the other team - made me smile :).
Maria: bunny Pfft tongueslave_o_spike on July 3rd, 2006 02:28 pm (UTC)
i was trying to invisage a Justin in a pretty floral dress and it just made me want to vomit so I could only imagine what Brian would think (and what my Brian would do to Emmett).
(Deleted comment)
Maria: cannibal fic I8 my husbandslave_o_spike on May 25th, 2007 08:04 pm (UTC)
I think the first paragraph everyone was like 'that's so Brian and so twisted at the same time.' LOL!

I can see Emmett too and it...fits!

Yep! Brian's already making the excuses for Justin!
adelais_liliadelais_lili on August 30th, 2007 12:08 pm (UTC)
Are you God? Nice one. I don't know about you but Brian can be my God anytime.

I hope Debbie says "Yes, let's keep him ... for later" :))) I'm kidding. But hey no Justin, no story, right. *keeps fingers crossed*

More hugs. Later.
Maria: cannibal fic I love my challenged gay soslave_o_spike on August 31st, 2007 06:50 pm (UTC)
Justin just saw the face of God...and he's his cannibal jailer. LOL!

And food always tastes better when its kept for later, doncha know silly?

*hugs you again for reading my insanity*
rosy5000: Brian Smilerosy5000 on September 15th, 2007 04:27 am (UTC)
*giggling hysterically*

Just proof that no matter what the circumstances... Brian must have his Justin... and not on a breakfast treat. Though a breakfast blowjob would not be refused. ;)
Maria: Gale Misunderstood Cannibalslave_o_spike on September 16th, 2007 10:02 pm (UTC)
Brian always must have Justin. *nods head*

Even if Brian is the most evil and heartless in one of my fics (like...say...the devil), he will have a HUGE soft spot for Justin.

:)