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04 June 2010 @ 07:01 am
regarding my WIPs in the QaF and Orlibean fandom...  

Here's what's been going on.

I fucked up.

Seriously, with the accounting for the shop. I became overwhelmed and screwed up.

So, that being said, everything's fine now. (Okay, well my definition of 'fine' might be different from others, however, it's just not as fucked up as before).

We still have the shop but we had to cut some employees.

Yes, I know. Before our summer 'usually we hire everyone in the world' time period.

But that's just the way it is. It's a combination of the economy (we are in a recession and I haven't been acknowledging that) and the weather (2 volcanoes going off has cooled down the planet considerably and we make our money from the sunshine).

The long and short of it is?

Bookkeeping has been taken out of my hands.

My ego should feel blown but guess what?

I feel free.

Positively liberated.

I feel as if someone has taken the shackles off my feet and allowed me to breathe again.

Or...walk again and someone has taken the heavy pillow off my head so I can breathe again or some such old cliche.

I just had too many fucking hats to wear.

Taking care of the kids, housework, cooking, doing inventory at the shop, running for supplies, bookkeeping, paying bills, working sometimes at the shop, paying attention to Joe...

It's all just too much.

So inventory and supply running and paying bills and bookkeeping have been taken off my plate. Of course, to catch up and have extra money again, Megan, Alex and I have to take more hours at the shop, but it's doable.

And all this brings me back to here.

My writing.

Because we have to buckle down, I will be budgeting my time more wisely.

However, Joe and I talked and he said I should just leave the 6 AM - 8 AM hour block in the morning for me and my writing. He thinks I shouldn't drop my hobby, but actually set aside an exact time so I can do it. And here's the thing. With the whole mess I created off my shoulders and now the constant nagging of keeping up with the accounting is also off my heavily stacked shoulders, I feel my muse coming back.


He was there all the time, chained along with me. Pulling his hair out, wondering how the hell he could ever make an appearance again. (My muse is a he).

I want to write again.

And I will. Now this doesn't actually mean I'll be posting every day. It just means I'll be writing in that 2 hour block period. So if it takes me 3 days (6 hours) to write a chapter of one of my WIPs, then you won't see me for a few days.

So what does this mean for my WIPs currently out there?

My goals:

1. Finish writing Justin's Baby.

2. Finish writing Death Does Not Become Him.

3. Finish my cannibal fic.

4. Write some more chapters for The Hitcher.

5. Update my fic list. I have written do many stories since I last updated the list. I wish I did have an on-line wife so she can do my admin for me. LOL!

6. Continue posting recipes here and my cooking blog.

So there you go.

I will probably need a beta though for some of the chapters I write. If anybody is available, or if any of my old betas are reading this and are still available, I will require your services again.

And one more thing.

This was a bit hard for me to write.

I just admitted how I fucked up. This was not me venting out nor making excuses. This was real and had caused quite a bit of damage. My credibility is shot and I'm living with the consequences of my actions.

I keep remembering that line from Queer as Folk.

'A man knows when to ask for help.'

I should have heeded that advice long before. I would have been much happier.

The point is, I finally did ask for help. I left my ego at the back door and admitted I can't do it all.

And now I can sleep at night again. :)

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Dorian: kiratdorian on June 4th, 2010 02:25 pm (UTC)
hey ! It's always so good to hear from you.I have to say I was starting to think you were lost for us.I'm glad you'll be able to write again.I told you hundred times if not more how talented you are.I'm gald you're gonna be able to breath again,seems like you had as shitload of cores...Now if you could switch number 3 with number 1 I will be...delighted !! LOL
Maria: B/J ILUslave_o_spike on June 4th, 2010 02:29 pm (UTC)
LOL! Actually, they're not in any particular order. I'll probably start writing the cannibal fic one tomorrow since that one is fresh in my mind right now.

Yeah, just too, too much on my plate. I do feel much better.

You know, I do love hearing from you and your wonderful fb abut my writing. I love the fact that you like reading anything I write - whether it's Qaf or Orlibean or whatever. :)
samtyr: Legolassamtyr on June 4th, 2010 03:13 pm (UTC)
I know a little bit of how you feel. I finally got a reliable financial planner this year (something I should have done *years* ago), and it's the best thing I ever did.


PS. I'm looking forward to the fics. :)
Maria: BJ - 314 is loveslave_o_spike on June 4th, 2010 10:58 pm (UTC)
I wish I had done that years ago. Like 23. LOL!

Then again, I probably would have been told not to have 5 kids. :P

Fics to come!
kika-k: window view-purplekika_k on June 4th, 2010 03:32 pm (UTC)
welcome back! :)
take your time and enjoy the ride again! :P

Maria: Dean - slave_o_spike on June 4th, 2010 10:59 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

I can't wait to get writing again! :)
mariah03mariah03 on June 4th, 2010 04:39 pm (UTC)
Glad to see you back!

Sometimes we take on to much and have trouble admitting we need help. (been there, done that)

Enjoy the time for yourself, whatever you do with it. (I hope its writing, but I'm selfish)
Maria: SPN Jensen :Dslave_o_spike on June 4th, 2010 11:00 pm (UTC)
LOL! Yes, well that 2 hour time block WILL be for myself, I can tell you that.

I wish I could ask for help with more ease though. :(
sjmpetssjmpets on June 4th, 2010 04:46 pm (UTC)
it will be nice to have you and your muse back. do whatever needs to be done, i'll be here waiting. looking forward to more "ma can i keep him" (did i get that right?)it's one of my favs.
Maria: cannibal Brian - Meat Procurerslave_o_spike on June 4th, 2010 11:01 pm (UTC)
Yep. Ma can I keep him is correct.

I just always called it my cannibal fic.

One of your favs? That's so frickin cool. :)
rosy5000: Brian Laptoprosy5000 on June 4th, 2010 05:39 pm (UTC)
Sorry to hear about the problems you've been having. :( Glad that things are getting straightened out now.

VERY glad to hear about the stories. :D hehe

*hugs* ♥
Maria: BJ cuddleslave_o_spike on June 4th, 2010 11:02 pm (UTC)
I wonder if things will ever really get straightened though.

Oh well, it wouldn't be life if it wasn't filled with its ups and downs. :)
Jackiejackieville on June 4th, 2010 05:51 pm (UTC)
Bless your heart! I'm so glad some things have been taken off your plate and you will have time to do things you love like writing!

*squishes and loves*
Maria: Orlando sighingslave_o_spike on June 4th, 2010 11:02 pm (UTC)
Yes! I know. I am very excited for the time for myself! :)

And I won't have to feel guilty.
Doylebabydoylebaby on June 4th, 2010 06:16 pm (UTC)
The secret is delegation! *g* Good to see you back and I certainly can't wait to read more of Death Does Not Become Him!
Maria: Death Does Not Become Himslave_o_spike on June 4th, 2010 11:04 pm (UTC)
I need to learn that word better.

Yeah, well, I've been forced to delegate.

And I'm soooo okay with that. :)

I've always felt bad about not continuing with this since I had it all outlined and everything. But more is coming!!!

Unless, the family commits me or something...
Wicked Bitch Of The Westvlredreign on June 4th, 2010 06:30 pm (UTC)

Hey, that's part of how I now find myself unemployed. I also fucked up. It didn't help that I had fixed 80% of the fuck-ups, either. But I learned my lesson.

I can say don't feel bad all day, but we're women, it's our jobs to...fix things. It's what we do. And if we can't fix it, it either "ain't broke" or it can't be fixed. There you have it.

Looking forward to seeing more of Justin's Baby! And finally reading Zombie!fic, which I never have. At least...I don't think so. I read that Road Warrior type one long ago. I think it's the one where Justin wouldn't shut up or something? lol
Maria: Dean - slave_o_spike on June 4th, 2010 11:08 pm (UTC)
*hugs you tightly*

Alex found the pudding reference. It's just so...guh! I must post the clip. LOL!

Sorry about the not-having-a-job-thing. I bet you're qualified and you'll get something soon (that's even better). Always look up. :)

I know. It was always just my thing to fix it and I should have just said something to begin with instead of making a bigger mess.

Zombiefic? Is that the one called 'And now, here at the end of it all?'

Most people asked how I could take something that could never happen and still make it canon. LOL!

The Road Warrior one was the one where you said and I quote, 'you did not just incorporate the Planet of the Apes, did you?' And Justin is mute but he still manages to be a chatterbox. LOL!
Wicked Bitch Of The Westvlredreign on June 4th, 2010 11:13 pm (UTC)
OMG, I heart Dean Winchester like woah! And the Pudding scene, I nearly crapped myself laughing.

I'm optimistic, or I try to be. Once we got back here to Oregon, things started looking up, at least financially. Strange, that. But I'm applying for things, trying to get into the State if I can.

Wow, you pulled up a quote?? Now I need to go re-read it, I do remember laughing myself sick! And that's right, Justin was mute, but I remembered him like not shutting up. lol
Maria: Dean - slave_o_spike on June 5th, 2010 01:30 am (UTC)
I just posted the pudding clip and devoted it to you. :)
mdlawmdlaw on June 4th, 2010 08:56 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you had such work problems, but I'm glad you're getting help with that. Of course, I'll be here to read whatever comes out.....(the Hitcher) m :)
Maria: kitty #3slave_o_spike on June 4th, 2010 11:09 pm (UTC)
Yeah, help is good. I don't feel so alone anymore. :)

You really want more of the Hitcher? Cool. I can swing that.
liriel1810 on June 4th, 2010 11:31 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry it had to take a 'disaster' to make you realize you needed help. Man, what you were doing sounds like it was enough to keep at least two people busy all day every day!

It is difficult to ask for help, though, I know. Maybe it's the era we grew up in? You don't ask for help, you just get on and do it. *hugs*

I'm looking forward to more of DDNBH, whenever you get around to it.
Maria: Death Does Not Become Himslave_o_spike on June 5th, 2010 01:32 am (UTC)
Two or three. Yeah...LOL!

I do think it was the time period we grew up in. Seriously. Just do it yourself. Get it done. And all those other cliches. Blah blah blah...

I actually have the next chapter written. I was just trying to fine tune it.

And now I must go off to the shop to work the rest of the night. *sigh*
sevigny7sevigny7 on June 5th, 2010 01:49 am (UTC)
You're such an overachiever - if someone told me I could have two hours from 6-8 am just for myself, I'd be setting my alarm for 8:10.

But I'm so excited your muse is back, and I'd be happy to take on any beta chores you might have - as long as I don't have to do it before 8:10...
Maria: B/J cha cha chaslave_o_spike on June 5th, 2010 05:52 am (UTC)
LOL! I get up at 6 anyway. Doesn't matter what time I go to bed.

But yeah, trying to be the end-all, be-all put us in this position. :(

Yay! Thank you for the beta volunteer. And no. You can do it whenever you want. I'll be the one writing between 6 and 8. You can beta at lunchtime for all I care. LOL!
priceofcompany: Grabby Handspriceofcompany on June 29th, 2010 04:46 pm (UTC)
There is a possible cannibal fic that just went up in the Glee fandom and it made me nostalgic for yours, and then I come across this. Fangasm.

Just don't let it become your new bookkeeping. If you replace the bookkeeping with working on a project when your body/mind wants that time to just shut down for a moment, it's going to become a chore.

Take care!
girloftheburbs: Shelter-Comfortgirloftheburbs on July 5th, 2010 03:42 am (UTC)
Hi Maria! **HUGS** first of all. It sounds like you went through a lot, but there is some good that came of it because the accounting and such was take off your shoulders. Second of all, I'm so happy to hear that you will be writing again, because I really miss your stories. :D :D