Here's what's been going on.
I fucked up.
Seriously, with the accounting for the shop. I became overwhelmed and screwed up.
So, that being said, everything's fine now. (Okay, well my definition of 'fine' might be different from others, however, it's just not as fucked up as before).
We still have the shop but we had to cut some employees.
Yes, I know. Before our summer 'usually we hire everyone in the world' time period.
But that's just the way it is. It's a combination of the economy (we are in a recession and I haven't been acknowledging that) and the weather (2 volcanoes going off has cooled down the planet considerably and we make our money from the sunshine).
The long and short of it is?
Bookkeeping has been taken out of my hands.
My ego should feel blown but guess what?
I feel free.
I feel as if someone has taken the shackles off my feet and allowed me to breathe again.
Or...walk again and someone has taken the heavy pillow off my head so I can breathe again or some such old cliche.
I just had too many fucking hats to wear.
Taking care of the kids, housework, cooking, doing inventory at the shop, running for supplies, bookkeeping, paying bills, working sometimes at the shop, paying attention to Joe...
It's all just too much.
So inventory and supply running and paying bills and bookkeeping have been taken off my plate. Of course, to catch up and have extra money again, Megan, Alex and I have to take more hours at the shop, but it's doable.
And all this brings me back to here.
Because we have to buckle down, I will be budgeting my time more wisely.
However, Joe and I talked and he said I should just leave the 6 AM - 8 AM hour block in the morning for me and my writing. He thinks I shouldn't drop my hobby, but actually set aside an exact time so I can do it. And here's the thing. With the whole mess I created off my shoulders and now the constant nagging of keeping up with the accounting is also off my heavily stacked shoulders, I feel my muse coming back.
He was there all the time, chained along with me. Pulling his hair out, wondering how the hell he could ever make an appearance again. (My muse is a he).
I want to write again.
And I will. Now this doesn't actually mean I'll be posting every day. It just means I'll be writing in that 2 hour block period. So if it takes me 3 days (6 hours) to write a chapter of one of my WIPs, then you won't see me for a few days.
So what does this mean for my WIPs currently out there?
1. Finish writing Justin's Baby.
2. Finish writing Death Does Not Become Him.
3. Finish my cannibal fic.
4. Write some more chapters for The Hitcher.
5. Update my fic list. I have written do many stories since I last updated the list. I wish I did have an on-line wife so she can do my admin for me. LOL!
6. Continue posting recipes here and my cooking blog.
So there you go.
I will probably need a beta though for some of the chapters I write. If anybody is available, or if any of my old betas are reading this and are still available, I will require your services again.
And one more thing.
This was a bit hard for me to write.
I just admitted how I fucked up. This was not me venting out nor making excuses. This was real and had caused quite a bit of damage. My credibility is shot and I'm living with the consequences of my actions.
I keep remembering that line from Queer as Folk.
'A man knows when to ask for help.'
I should have heeded that advice long before. I would have been much happier.
The point is, I finally did ask for help. I left my ego at the back door and admitted I can't do it all.
And now I can sleep at night again. :)