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04 June 2010 @ 07:01 am
regarding my WIPs in the QaF and Orlibean fandom...  

Here's what's been going on.

I fucked up.

Seriously, with the accounting for the shop. I became overwhelmed and screwed up.

So, that being said, everything's fine now. (Okay, well my definition of 'fine' might be different from others, however, it's just not as fucked up as before).

We still have the shop but we had to cut some employees.

Yes, I know. Before our summer 'usually we hire everyone in the world' time period.

But that's just the way it is. It's a combination of the economy (we are in a recession and I haven't been acknowledging that) and the weather (2 volcanoes going off has cooled down the planet considerably and we make our money from the sunshine).

The long and short of it is?

Bookkeeping has been taken out of my hands.

My ego should feel blown but guess what?

I feel free.

Positively liberated.

I feel as if someone has taken the shackles off my feet and allowed me to breathe again.

Or...walk again and someone has taken the heavy pillow off my head so I can breathe again or some such old cliche.

I just had too many fucking hats to wear.

Taking care of the kids, housework, cooking, doing inventory at the shop, running for supplies, bookkeeping, paying bills, working sometimes at the shop, paying attention to Joe...

It's all just too much.

So inventory and supply running and paying bills and bookkeeping have been taken off my plate. Of course, to catch up and have extra money again, Megan, Alex and I have to take more hours at the shop, but it's doable.

And all this brings me back to here.

My writing.

Because we have to buckle down, I will be budgeting my time more wisely.

However, Joe and I talked and he said I should just leave the 6 AM - 8 AM hour block in the morning for me and my writing. He thinks I shouldn't drop my hobby, but actually set aside an exact time so I can do it. And here's the thing. With the whole mess I created off my shoulders and now the constant nagging of keeping up with the accounting is also off my heavily stacked shoulders, I feel my muse coming back.


He was there all the time, chained along with me. Pulling his hair out, wondering how the hell he could ever make an appearance again. (My muse is a he).

I want to write again.

And I will. Now this doesn't actually mean I'll be posting every day. It just means I'll be writing in that 2 hour block period. So if it takes me 3 days (6 hours) to write a chapter of one of my WIPs, then you won't see me for a few days.

So what does this mean for my WIPs currently out there?

My goals:

1. Finish writing Justin's Baby.

2. Finish writing Death Does Not Become Him.

3. Finish my cannibal fic.

4. Write some more chapters for The Hitcher.

5. Update my fic list. I have written do many stories since I last updated the list. I wish I did have an on-line wife so she can do my admin for me. LOL!

6. Continue posting recipes here and my cooking blog.

So there you go.

I will probably need a beta though for some of the chapters I write. If anybody is available, or if any of my old betas are reading this and are still available, I will require your services again.

And one more thing.

This was a bit hard for me to write.

I just admitted how I fucked up. This was not me venting out nor making excuses. This was real and had caused quite a bit of damage. My credibility is shot and I'm living with the consequences of my actions.

I keep remembering that line from Queer as Folk.

'A man knows when to ask for help.'

I should have heeded that advice long before. I would have been much happier.

The point is, I finally did ask for help. I left my ego at the back door and admitted I can't do it all.

And now I can sleep at night again. :)

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Wicked Bitch Of The Westvlredreign on June 4th, 2010 06:30 pm (UTC)

Hey, that's part of how I now find myself unemployed. I also fucked up. It didn't help that I had fixed 80% of the fuck-ups, either. But I learned my lesson.

I can say don't feel bad all day, but we're women, it's our jobs to...fix things. It's what we do. And if we can't fix it, it either "ain't broke" or it can't be fixed. There you have it.

Looking forward to seeing more of Justin's Baby! And finally reading Zombie!fic, which I never have. At least...I don't think so. I read that Road Warrior type one long ago. I think it's the one where Justin wouldn't shut up or something? lol
Maria: Dean - slave_o_spike on June 4th, 2010 11:08 pm (UTC)
*hugs you tightly*

Alex found the pudding reference. It's just so...guh! I must post the clip. LOL!

Sorry about the not-having-a-job-thing. I bet you're qualified and you'll get something soon (that's even better). Always look up. :)

I know. It was always just my thing to fix it and I should have just said something to begin with instead of making a bigger mess.

Zombiefic? Is that the one called 'And now, here at the end of it all?'

Most people asked how I could take something that could never happen and still make it canon. LOL!

The Road Warrior one was the one where you said and I quote, 'you did not just incorporate the Planet of the Apes, did you?' And Justin is mute but he still manages to be a chatterbox. LOL!
Wicked Bitch Of The Westvlredreign on June 4th, 2010 11:13 pm (UTC)
OMG, I heart Dean Winchester like woah! And the Pudding scene, I nearly crapped myself laughing.

I'm optimistic, or I try to be. Once we got back here to Oregon, things started looking up, at least financially. Strange, that. But I'm applying for things, trying to get into the State if I can.

Wow, you pulled up a quote?? Now I need to go re-read it, I do remember laughing myself sick! And that's right, Justin was mute, but I remembered him like not shutting up. lol
Maria: Dean - slave_o_spike on June 5th, 2010 01:30 am (UTC)
I just posted the pudding clip and devoted it to you. :)