Maria (slave_o_spike) wrote,

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QaF Cannibal Crack!Fic Update Chapter 11

*Ahem* Sorry, I've been preoccupied lately with RL - kids and the shop. Everybody in my life decided I shouldn't have any free time. Lucky me, though, I got sick today, so hey INSTANT FREE TIME.

I have not forgotten this little fic. In fact, I've been working on this, and also a serious standalone.

So actually, here's my plea for a beta. I'd actually like one for this one. Brian Kinney said 'a man always knows when to ask for help' and since I'm not a man, I'm not above begging for it.

So if anyone can beta for me - I would be ever so grateful.

So here you go - I'll make another post as to my adventures with the kids and the shop later because it's actually funny, but not now.

Okay SUN

Title: Ma, Can I keep him?
Chapter: 11/?
Pairing: B/J, implied E/J; also possibly, inter-species pairing (Hey, we're still not sure of Mikey's parentage)
Rating: R
Warnings: It is afterall a cannibal fic. Nothing squicky, just allusions to things that might make people uncomfortable. The word 'eviscerate' is used quite a bit.

Disclaimers: I don't own Cowlip, the boys - I however am in the possession right now of one bitch of a headache!

Summary: This is crack!fic. It is a cannibal crack!fic. It is tongue-in-cheek black humor. This is the warning within the summary. Debbie is the Sweeney Todd type living in some backwater town (not too far from Pittsburgh) with her mentally disturbed son, Mikey (yes, I stuck to canon) and adopted son, Brian. Justin and Ethan are passing through.

Previous Chapters in my memories

Chapter 11

After things had quieted down, everyone filed in for breakfast. Brian would take the opportunity during the meal to go check on one Ethan Gold in the holding pen while Debbie and Mikey could keep Justin occupied until he came back. He also needed to go into town later and get more sedatives from Emmett - not only for Justin, but he needed to start getting back to work again at night. Debbie had admonished him only the night before because he had only one person in the holding pen. As much as he would like to spend his entire night fucking Justin, he had to bring in fresh meat or Debbie would see to it that the boy would be sent home....or worse.

Everyone was sitting at the table as Brian and Justin entered. Justin walked by Mikey's chair, eliciting the man's scorn.

"Look, it's Justin," Mikey sneered, "the other white meat."

Debbie then, in true Debbie fashion, whacked Mikey upside the head.


Brian went over to Debbie, whispered instructions into her ear to watch Justin and walked out of the kitchen, stopping only to kiss the boy on his bare shoulder.

That was another thing Debbie had been on his case about, namely Justin's clothes. She said Brian needed to go into town to buy Sunshine some jeans and t-shirts because the boy couldn't keep going around in just the overalls if he was to stay much longer.

Brian didn't see why not. The overalls allowed easy access to the boy at any time in the day and was also functional when Justin was helping him do his farm chores. And they did look rather hot on Justin.

While Brian was heading down to the pen to tend to his new acquisition, Justin had decided that now was as good a time as any to get to know Brian's adopted brother, Mikey, as he seemed to be the only one he was having problems with. Well, except for Ted, but that was a different story.

"What's that you're working on?" Justin asked of the sketches Mikey was currently doodling on.

"None of your damn business!" Mikey spat out.

Debbie walked over and whacked Mikey upside the head once again. Justin wondered if the source of Mikey's damaged mind could possibly be the numerous times Debbie took to hitting the man on his fragile skull.

"You be nice to Sunshine! He's trying to make friends with you. Honey," Debbie said while turning to face Justin, "Mikey here is an inventor. He's always drawing up these great ideas for how to do things." She then pinched Mikey's cheeks, "I swear on all that is holy, my baby's a genius." Debbie then walked away to cook some sausage.

Justin waited to see if lightening would strike.

He then looked down at the drawings Mikey was working on. His 'inventions' took on the form of a childhood game Justin remembered playing with Daphne called 'Mousetrap.' One of the plans was very intricate and labeled SAUSAGE STUFFER.

"Um, Mikey?" Justin asked while pointing to one of the drawings of a figure labeled TED who appeared to be the catalyst of the whole contraption, "don't you think Ted will get tired of being burned on his ass after the first, oh I don't know, five or six times?"

"He said he wanted to be part of the process!" Mikey said rather nastily back to Justin. "So it has a few kinks to be worked out. All great inventions have kinks at first." Mikey continued to look over his sketches.

"You know," Justin continued, wanting desperately to make peace with the man, "you're right." Justin continued to peruse the drawings. "Why, Mikey, you're a regular Rube Goldberg," Justin said with a genuine smile.

Mikey looked up. "Maaaa! The food's calling me names!"

Justin thought he needed to make his own rules when dealing with Mikey. Rule #1 - don't compliment the monkey - he just won't get it.

"I wasn't! I was just...oh nevermind." Justin turned to Mikey. "You know, I could help you with some of those drawings. I'm an artist...well...I....I draw," Justin stammered while noticing everyone in the kitchen looking directly at him.

"Really? Wow Sunshine! We have our own fucking Picasso right here," Debbie said and then reached over to pinch Justin's cheeks. Justin had tried not to visibly cringe when Debbie had pronounced the word 'Picasso.'

"You draw? Like what?" Mikey asked all of a sudden interested.

"Well, I've been doing sketches of people and lately I've been painting with oils...," Justin started getting excited at the thought that Mikey was interested, only to be cut off by him.

"You do comic sketches - you know, of comic book heroes?" Mikey asked.

"Oh, no, I don't really read comics..."

"Well, then, what good are you?!" Mikey exclaimed, while jumping up from his chair.

Justin looked at Mikey who was practically foaming at the mouth. Rule #2 - just go along with whatever the monkey says - he gets really agitated otherwise.

"But, I was going to say," Justin tried to salvage, "if I could see some of your comics, then maybe I could get an idea of what you like. I just don't know anyone into comics - that's all."

Mikey sat back down. "I guess I could." Mikey then looked over at Debbie with, what Vic would say later (after it was too late) was definitely a wicked grin and asked, "hey Ma?"

"Yeah baby?"

"Is it okay if I take Justin to the swimming hole later today?" Mikey asked innocently.

"Why, baby! That would be so nice for Sunshine! He's always having to help Brian," then Debbie turned to Justin. "You'll like the swimming hole sweetie. There's a rope swing and we could send you boys off with some inner-tubes." Debbie then turned back to her son, leaned down and kissed the top of his head. "That's so sweet of you honey."

Justin inwardly groaned. Although, the thought of 'bonding' with Mikey was what he had originally intended this morning, he really didn't mind doing the chores with Brian, especially when it came to 'break-time.' But this was more important and he decided that since Mikey was taking the time to extend the olive branch (especially after the awful thing he had said about Mikey earlier that morning), he should go along with him.

"That sounds fun Mikey!" Then Justin ribbed Mikey with his elbow and said with a chuckle, "but you're not taking me fishing, are you?" Justin then winked at Mikey.


Justin looked at the agitated man. Rule #3 - do not, under any circumstance, attempt humor with the monkey - he won't get it - see Rule #1.

"I'm sorry. It was a joke. I'm sorry," Justin said watching as Mikey sat back down.

"Okay, well then, we'll go later, after lunch. You be ready. I'm not waiting too long for your fat ass," and with that Mikey got up and walked out of the kitchen.

"It's so good to see you boys finally bonding Sunshine!" Debbie said excitedly while patting Justin on the head. "Maybe you boys could have a picnic while you're there."

Justin then suddenly had a picture in his head of a floor picnic with cheese in a dirty looking apartment. As quick as the picture had come, it had gone and then all thoughts were back onto his impending afternoon with Mikey and an inner-tube. Justin wasn't exactly sure of what he had gotten himself into. Really, how bad could an afternoon at the 'swimming hole' be?

And while plans were being made regarding how Justin spent his afternoon, Brian was looking in on his 'guest' in the pen.

As Brian entered, Ethan looked up to see his jailer.

"Please? Please, Brian? That's your name, right? We can talk this over," Ethan kept babbling while pacing his tiny cell. "We're civilized men, right? And...and I'd make terrible sausage. Look...look...I'm a concert violinist and it..."

"You play the violin?" Brian asked.

"Yes! Yes! I play the violin. I'm on scholarship at the institute..."

"I hate the violin. It sounds too much like cats dying - and I know what that sounds like," Brian said while chuckling. Brian then regarded the other man.

"What? What is it?" Ethan said defiantly.

"I'm looking into getting you some roommates so you won't be so lonely anymore. You should have some new buddies to talk to if I have my way tonight," Brian said while turning away to look over some tools on the wall.

"Roommates?" Ethan asked while turning quite a few shades of pale. "Jus...Justin? You don't mean Justin? Where is he? Did you let him go? Is he still here somewhere?" As Ethan asked more questions, his voice started to get higher in pitch as his paranoia set in.

"Relax Paganini. He's fine. He's better than fine - I've been seeing to that," Brian snickered.

Ethan didn't know what to make of the strange man but he knew that the man was telling the truth and felt now was his time to feel him out.

"I'm amazed that a man such as yourself, an uncultivated lowbrow, would know who Paganini is."

Brian looked up at the man, "that was redundant."


"What you just said - that was redundant. 'Uncultivated means 'someone who has lowbrow tastes' and 'lowbrow' means someone who is uncultivated. That sentence was just redundant," Brian said with a shrug. "You college kid types with your 'intellectual' discussions going on and on saying absolutely fucking nothing just kill me," Brian said and then stopped and turned around. "Actually, it's more like I kill you." Brian laughed at his own joke and then stopped once again to regard the man pacing his cell.

"Why do you keep staring at me like that?" Ethan asked irritably.

"I just wanted to know what it was that Justin saw in you," Brian said while continuing to look in at his prisoner. He really didn't see what is was about the boy that Justin could have been interested in. He was unkempt, rather maudlin and too European-looking for his tastes. He was obviously arrogant but Brian couldn't fault him too much on that point. Ethan just rubbed Brian the wrong way.

"What do you mean by that? What exactly are you doing with Justin? Has Justin talked about me?" Ethan asked, completely perplexed at the whole situation that was brought up by the scary man. He was not getting a good feeling about where this conversation was headed.

Brian chuckled and looked directly at Ethan. 'Well, now that you bring that, he hasn't mentioned anything about you. In fact, he hasn't said one. Fucking. Word." And at this Brian got right up against the bars staring straight at Ethan. "It appears you've slipped little Sunshine's mind completely. Didn't leave much of an impression on the boy, did ya Ian?" Brian licked his lips. "Now I, on the other hand, have left quite an impression on Justin...and I keep leaving one on him every chance I get." Brian looked in at the man in the cage.

Brian was pretty sure that at this moment in time, thoughts of becoming sausage were far from the fiddler's mind.

"Yeah, that's right," Brian continued. "In fact, as soon as our little discourse here is done, I plan to go back to the house and make another impression on the young and extremely flexible Justin - possibly on top of the breakfast table. Then afterwards, maybe under it. Maybe after that, at the sink..."

"You're a pig! You actually want me to believe that you and Justin...? Right! Justin?! He would never, not with someone like you," Ethan screamed back at Brian.

Ethan got another look at the man. His face had that warning look on it. That look that said, 'do not tread anymore in these dark waters.'

About five or six years ago, Ethan remembered watching a movie with his friends entitled Things to do in Denver When You're Dead. It was one of those criminal-goes-wrong-and-everybody-dies-violently-gangster type movies. In one of the scenes, one of the characters keeps back talking to the known psycho, who happens to be holding a gun at the moment. The guy never shuts up and the psycho, surprise surprise, shoots him. Ethan always laughed at how stupid the character was that he couldn't keep his mouth shut in front of a known ticking time bomb.

Kind of like what Ethan was doing now.

"You're disgusting! Justin would never touch a...a back-woods, killing machine like you!" Ethan yelled.

And yet, Ethan just kept on going.

"And what's with the fucking overalls? Did your mommy dress you? I remember wearing overalls when I was three-fucking-years old!"

Brian looked back at Ethan who appeared to be out of breath. Brian then raised one finger. "First off, little boy, these overalls may not be the latest rage in Paris, but they serve their function quite well here on the farm. Besides, I wouldn't be talking about fashion sense if I were you. Did you knock that vagrant unconscious when you stole his clothes or merely offered him a free beer?" Brian then raised another finger. "Second, we won't discuss my mother - I have issues on that subject." Brian then raised a third finger. "Thirdly, meat does not talk to me in that manner. There will be severe consequences if you do that again."

Brian then walked away from the cell. Ethan looked at Brian.

"You're a monster," Ethan said solemnly.

"Yeah, well, you say potato; I say a carb that can't be eaten after seven," Brian said while packing tools in his carryall.

"Don't get too comfy with Justin. When he finds out what you are, he'll be gone. Hell," Ethan laughed, "when he wakes up and finds out how he's been sleeping with someone so old, he'll be outta there!" Ethan continued to laugh.

Brian walked up to the bars. "I warned you. When it's your time, it won't be quick. Oh, and maybe before then, I'll bring you some visuals, a movie or pictures perhaps, of Justin and me...well you get the picture."

As Ethan looked into Brian's utterly ruthless, hazel-colored eyes, he realized then what his fate was to be. He also realized that he should have paid more attention to life's little lessons one could learn from violent movies.


Feedback is welcome and loved!

Go to Chapter 12
Tags: cannibal fic

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