Log in

No account? Create an account
03 December 2006 @ 06:31 pm
Cannibal fic Update - Chapter 13!!!!  
So I know it's been awhile and I do apologize, but if you read my last post, you'll know what's been up. So I won't go on and on anymore and just let you get straight to the story.

Here it is!

Title: Ma, Can I keep him?
Chapter: 13/?
Pairing: B/J, implied E/J; also possibly, inter-species pairing (Hey, we're still not sure of Mikey's parentage)
Rating: R
Warnings: It is afterall a cannibal fic. Nothing squicky, just allusions to things that might make people uncomfortable. The word 'eviscerate' is used quite a bit.

Disclaimers: I don't own Cowlip or the boys. And according to MicroSoft, I don't own any of my software. Huh? Go figure...

Summary: This is crack!fic. It is a cannibal crack!fic. It is tongue-in-cheek black humor. This is the warning within the summary. Debbie is the Sweeney Todd type living in some backwater town (not too far from Pittsburgh) with her mentally disturbed son, Mikey (yes, I stuck to canon) and adopted son, Brian. Justin and Ethan are passing through.

Previous chapters can be found in my memories, here. If you have trouble accessing them there, just use the memories found on my user info page.

Chapter 13

There are times in a person's life when they can tell anyone and everyone they happen to cross on their path about their 'fish story' - that tall tale that one tells that is total and complete embellishment. It is often combined with people's 'my brush with imminent death' tale, making the person or persons listening rapt on the storyteller's every word.

An example would be the person who told everyone at the office and their associates about the time they were on the freeway when an airliner fell from the sky onto said highway and the plane wreckage missed them by about five feet. When in fact what the storyteller didn't mention was that the airliner was merely a crop-dusting plane and that the old man flying said plane dusted himself off after exiting the 'wreckage' and said, "well damn, this was embarrassing." Also, what the storyteller failed to mention was that they were in the local Starbucks (well, at least one of them) sipping on their Double Tall Skinny Latte when they heard about the said disaster from someone coming in...and it wasn't even the Starbucks closest to the highway.

People like these stories as they can usually spot a person weaving a tall tale and go with the exaggerations because it usually makes a pretty routine story somewhat more exciting.

Then there are those people who truly do survive some harrowing incident - one so unbelievable that the person wouldn't even begin to know where to start in relating the tale.

One Michael Charles Novotny fell into the latter camp.

As Mikey started to open his eyes, the first thing he spotted was a very blurry figure standing over him. Once the vision became more solid, he realized he must have died and gone to Hell because the devil looked just like Brian. For surely the irate looking man hovering above with the gaze penetrating into him was pure evil incarnate and not the benevolent, if somewhat slightly dangerous and ruthless, adopted brother he grew up with.

"I think he's waking up," said the figure. Funny, Mikey thought, the devil even sounded like Brian.

"Oh my baby! You're awake!" And there was ma, wiping at the corners of her eyes.

Yep, Mikey thought, this was definitely Hell.

"What...what happened?" Mikey asked but he wasn't too sure if anyone could hear him as his voice sounded far away even to himself.

"You dove into a lake with live piranha and Justin saved you," Ted said as he stepped forward.

It all started coming back to him. Taking Justin 'swimming,' the lake, the fish, the man-eating, carnivorous fish...

"Wait a minute! Justin saved me?!" Mikey screeched. As he said this, everyone turned to where Brian had now taken up residence - right behind Justin. As Justin smiled at Mikey, Brian nuzzled further into the boy's hair and leveled Mikey with the same intent gaze.

That gaze. The gaze that said, 'I plan on making your life a living hell from this point forward.'

"Hi Mikey. You feeling okay?" Justin asked.

"Why, you actually care?" Mikey retorted but realized it had been the wrong thing to say when Vic and Debbie had rounded on him.

"Now you listen here Michael Charles Novotny..."

Oh great, his whole name was being used - he was now fucked on two different fronts.

"...Sunshine here saved your life!" Debbie said while moving over toward Justin and pinching his chin. "Oh sweetie - I don't know what would have happened to Mikey if you hadn't saved him when you did."

"It was very brave, you know," Emmett said, coming out of his corner. "I must say that was some quick thinking on the part of our little twink here."

"How exactly did you...what did you do?" Mikey asked looking at Justin.

"Well, when I saw you dive into the water, after I got over the complete revulsion of you diving into that algae-encrusted water," and at this Justin stuck his tongue out as if he had tasted something bad, "I noticed something, well quite a few somethings swimming towards you and it seemed strange so I..."

"He tore the yokes off all the six-packs you brought and dove into the water holding them out as if it were a net," Uncle Vic exclaimed, mimicking holding a fishing net.

"Yeah. I mean, I've heard the environmentalists talk about how dangerous those things are to fish, but I never imagined! They swam right into them!" And as Justin said this, Ben gave Justin a dirty look.

"You dove in - with the yokes - and caught the fish?!" Mikey asked while leaning his head back on the pillow.

"Yeah, and then I climbed out with you, gave you CPR," Justin said while blushing, "and then brought you here."

"Wow. I mean...wow...," Mikey said in a daze.

Suddenly Debbie rounded on Ben poking a ring adorned finger in the ranger's face. "This wouldn't have happened if you had gotten rid of those monsters..."

"Fish, Debbie. They're fish..." Ben interrupted.

"I don't give a two-bit fuck what you call them! You should have gotten rid of them but oh no - you had to be their goddamned champion! If you start giving the town shit about keeping them here again, I swear..."

"Now, now Debbie," Ben said while trying to calm the woman down. "It's all been handled. Luckily the piranha weren't harmed after Justin trapped them, and we've found a new home for the endangered species."

"Where the fuck would that be?" Brian asked.

"A children's petting zoo in Florida," Ben replied.


Mikey turned in the direction of the voice and saw that it was Justin, walking timidly towards his bed.

"Yeah?" Mikey asked warily.

"I felt really bad about what happened today. I mean, I feel as if I dared you into jumping. Brian and Debbie said that it wasn't my fault, but I still feel somewhat responsible. I know you like comic book heroes, so..." Justin said while bringing forth a piece of paper hidden behind his back, "so I drew this for you."

Justin handed the paper to Mikey.

Mikey took in the picture on the parchment. It was a comic book hero alright but what stood out the most was that it was him.

"You...you drew this...for me?" Mikey asked in a whisper.

"Yeah. Do you like it?" Justin asked as Brian continued to stroke through the boy's blond locks.

"Yeah, it's wow! It's me!" Mikey continued to look at himself on the paper. "This is so cool! Look Ma! And you didn't draw a cape. I hate capes - they're so dumb. And look. He has a M on his chest." Mikey turned to Justin again. "M for Mikey, right?"

"Um yeah, sure...okay," Justin said. Justin turned and whispered into Brian's ear, "I hope he never asks me what the M really stands for."

"So if the fish didn't get me, why am I here, in this bed and feel like I've been worked on?" Mikey asked looking down at himself under the covers.

Two doctors stepped out of the corner, making Mikey jump at the strange voice.

"Well, the hospital got your charts mixed up Mr. Novotny and, well, they um..."

Mikey looked up at the other doctor and recognized him immediately as Doctor Dave, who he had had a crush on since high school.

"I can't believe this!" Debbie screeched. This time the irate woman rounded on the emergency room doctor. "How a mistake like this could have happened...this just keeps getting better and better..."

"What happened?"

"We accidentally removed your spleen Mr. Novotny. We're very sorry and I can assure you something like this has never happened before - well, maybe never is a strong word but..." the doctor stammered.


The emergency room doctor turned towards Doctor Dave and whispered, "did we accidentally lobotomize him too?"

"No, he was always like this," Doctor Dave sighed. "Anyways, I think you should all go now and let the patient have some much needed bed rest."

"I don't wanna go back to sleep. What if they decided to remove something else?" Mikey asked while folding his arms across his chest.

Emmett leaned over and whispered to Brian and Justin, "well if they remove his penis, how long do you think it would be before anybody figured it out?"

"I assure you, you are quite safe now Mr. Novotny," the doctor replied.

Mikey looked in the direction of Brian and that gaze - he wasn't so sure of exactly how safe he really was at the moment.

"Okay sweetie, well, we'll be back in the morning to get you. Good night baby." And with that Debbie leaned over Mikey and kissed him on the forehead.

"Can I take this neat silver hat home with me?" Ted asked.

"Ted, take that bedpan off your fucking head!" Brian yelled. Emmett and Ted then walked out of the room together.

Debbie and Vic then started walking out but stopped when they looked at Brian. "Brian? Are you coming?"

"Yeah, I'm just going to tuck Mikey in and say good night. Take Justin and I'll meet you at the truck."

Debbie and Vic worriedly glanced between Mikey and Brian and then walked out with Justin in tow.

Brian approached the bed and sat next to Mikey's side.

"You know Mikey..."

Mikey gulped. There were too many ways Brian could dispatch of him in the room he thought while taking in all the various implements of destruction. Mikey kept a steady gaze on his IV.

"Oh don't worry Mikey. I'm not going to kill you. You're family and if it weren't for the fact that I loved you, love you, like the brother you are to me, then you would be sausage by now."

Mikey started to talk but was stopped by Brian holding up his hand.

"Let me finish. We'll just ignore the elephant that was in the room for the time being - if Deb or Ben want to bring up what the fuck you were doing there when you knew better, than that's their business. This is your first warning Mikey. You better watch yourself around Justin. I don't care if you don't like him. I do! You almost took away the only bright thing in my fucking bleak excuse for an existence." At this Brian wiped his hand over his face, stroking over the course stubble on his chin. Brian then stood up, "he's mine. I'm keeping him. Get over it." Brian then walked towards the door and looked back at Mikey.

Mikey looked at Brian. This was big for Brian. He never admitted to anything like this. He also realized that his ma had named Justin appropriately.

The thought almost made him retch.

But the kid really was okay in his book. He had saved him and then he drew him as his most favorite thing in the world - a comic book hero - with a letter on his chest and everything.

"I promise Brian. I'll treat Justin like he's a good friend. No! Better than a friend - a baby brother. I promise Brian."

Brian looked back at Mikey in the bed. "See that you do Mikey." And with that, Brian walked out the door.

Mikey looked down at the picture clutched tightly against his chest - the picture Justin had drawn. He perused over it again and again until he could just make out something he didn't quite see before.

"Hey! What the fuck?" Mikey frowned. "Is that a tail?"


Go to Chapter 14

Feedback is loved - especially long, verbose fb!
Current Mood: naughtynaughty
fiercediva: question markfiercediva on December 4th, 2006 03:21 am (UTC)
How can a person type feedback when they are laughing this hard?
Maria: B/J ILUslave_o_spike on December 4th, 2006 03:28 am (UTC)
And yet, you did pretty good with the above sentence.

Well I'm glad it was funny. I think I might be my worst critic at times and after I posted, I wondered if it still packed the same punch so thank you.

That makes me feel better. :)
Chaos..panic..disorder...my work here is done.: Medicatedjillapet on December 4th, 2006 06:06 am (UTC)
Ditto what Diva said...

"Now, now Debbie," Ben said while trying to calm the woman down. "It's all been handled. Luckily the piranha weren't harmed after Justin trapped them, and we've found a new home for the endangered species."

"Where the fuck would that be?" Brian asked.

"A children's petting zoo in Florida," Ben replied.


Do you know how hard it is to keep from laughing my ass off and waking up the fam?

So glad that you are back, pet.

Maria: Chicken Little dancingslave_o_spike on December 5th, 2006 12:41 am (UTC)
"A children's petting zoo in Florida," Ben replied.

Well it was either a choice between Florida or New Jersey! Lol!

Ya know, everytime I tried to read the story out loud to hubby to see if there were any errors, I could never get past the bedpan scene without seriously laughing my ass off.

Thanks and it's great to be back!

charlie_jae on December 4th, 2006 07:06 am (UTC)
I should totally be sleeping right now but i couldn't resist reading, and wow. Yay for Justin being the good guy and doing the righ thing, but couldn't yah have let the 'fish' take a few nibble's outtah him? lol.

M for Mouse right? hehehehe.

OMG... so feeling the love for Brian and what he admitted to Michael, and such love for you!


More please, heheh
Maria: Hello Kitty on a crossslave_o_spike on December 5th, 2006 12:49 am (UTC)
More is coming now that I've figured out the right time to write where I won't be bothered by everybody in the world.

And I just had to have Brian finally admit out loud what he's feeling for Justin.

Hey, who needs piranha nibbling on Mikey when you've got incompetent doctors doing it for ya!

And...remember? M is for monkey! (Hubby thought it was moron).

empresslovebashed on December 4th, 2006 11:05 am (UTC)
bwahaha, i love this fic so so much!
Maria: BJ copulatingslave_o_spike on December 5th, 2006 12:49 am (UTC)
And I love you for commenting and letting me know!

shadownyc: paddies  - S5 crack-upshadownyc on December 4th, 2006 11:26 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you're back!

This is absolutely hilarious.

"Is that a tail?" Bwahaha!!!
Maria: bunny yayslave_o_spike on December 5th, 2006 12:51 am (UTC)
It's good to be back!

And thank you for the fb. (I'm not exactly sure how many people are still reading this).

sonofabiscuit77: Brian plays poolsonofabiscuit77 on December 4th, 2006 03:04 pm (UTC)
Great update. So pleased to see this story back again.

In terms of more structured fb, I like the continuation of Ben's green obsession (never stops being funny) and of course for different reasons, Brian's Justin obsession!
Maria: BJ Guh Showerslave_o_spike on December 5th, 2006 12:54 am (UTC)
This story hasn't really dissappeared - just me - health problems you know.

And even to the bitter end (and believe it or not, I already have the ending written - it's the middle I keep fiddling with), Ben will still have his green obsession and Brian will have his Justin obsession (and you know how much we all like that!)

Thank you!

Black Dragon Fighting Societylovinspike247 on December 4th, 2006 06:55 pm (UTC)
I don't know whether to love you because OMG, the funny! Or whether to pout because Mikey survived. :D
Maria: B/J cha cha chaslave_o_spike on December 5th, 2006 01:21 am (UTC)
I just couldn't kill Mikey...yet! I have plans for him. *evil laugh*

Gio: J - 311 smirk-smilepaddies on December 4th, 2006 09:28 pm (UTC)

I love how Justin is "killing Michael with kindness"...and a bit of snark... ;))

And possessive!Brian is always hot! :-)
Maria: money shotslave_o_spike on December 5th, 2006 01:24 am (UTC)
I love how Justin is "killing Michael with kindness"...

I was wondering if anyone would catch that! Ding Ding Ding!!!!

And yes - Justin = snark.

Possessive!Brian is so fucking hot - I just hope what he said was IC and not too OOC.

Thanks! *kisses*
My Flame Burns Bright: Crack!ficsuch_a_steph on December 5th, 2006 09:43 am (UTC)
Brilliant :)
I haven't had cause to use this icon in a very long time. I have missed you Maria.
I don't even know when to start... Ted & his shiny silver hat, Ben sending piranhas to the petting zoo, or the M on Mikey's chest which he has no idea what it stands for. It's all too good :D
Thanks so much for coming back & gracing us with your ever so fun, laugh a minute writing.
Maria: Spike I'm Backslave_o_spike on December 5th, 2006 03:39 pm (UTC)
*hugs you back v ery tightly*

I missed you too Steph! Not only was my muse calling for me to come back, I just missed all you guys (I don't know if you caught the post before this where I explained why I was gone but to sum it up - medical probs).

Anywho - yes - how can you possibly pick one thing when the zaniness is in abundance with these loveable (yet slightly homocidal) wackos?!

Thanks for the great fb and dust off that icon cuz I'm back in business!
(no subject) - such_a_steph on December 5th, 2006 03:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Hating you makes me all warm inside.: crack!fichappier_bunny on December 9th, 2006 02:08 pm (UTC)
"He tore the yokes off all the six-packs you brought and dove into the water holding them out as if it were a net," Uncle Vic exclaimed, mimicking holding a fishing net.

"Yeah. I mean, I've heard the environmentalists talk about how dangerous those things are to fish, but I never imagined! They swam right into them!" And as Justin said this, Ben gave Justin a dirty look.

Oh holy shit that's the funniest thing/image EVER. cannot stop laughing which in my present condition is bad cuz that leads to coughing. but so worth it.

Brian's gaze and the continual running of his fingers through Justin's hair...was inspiring. :D

but the best: MONKEY BOY! ROFLMAO
can't wait for more!
Hating you makes me all warm inside.: b/j season 5 cracks uphappier_bunny on December 9th, 2006 02:10 pm (UTC)
OH and Ted's shiny silver helmet. LDJF;LAJSDFLJDSAF LMAO
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on December 9th, 2006 05:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on December 9th, 2006 05:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Alexanderashmedai on December 10th, 2006 02:38 pm (UTC)
Finally had a chance to read what's posted so far - brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!! I'm actually glad you didn't kill off Mikey (**grins and rubs paws in gleeful anticipation of more genius derisive mockery of said character**). That last line - bwahahahahaaa!! One of my favorite aspects of this fic is how well you persiflage each one of the characters without ever going overboard - I'm totally hooked on this fic; you rule! :D
Maria: BJ Guh Showerslave_o_spike on December 11th, 2006 01:06 am (UTC)
I just couldn't kill off Mikey - he's too much fun.

And I think you hit the nail on the head - 'persiflage' would be the perfect term to describe what I do to the characters. I'm just poking fun at them but lightly. I do love the charcaters on QaF so much (even though I kept my interest solely on Brian and Justin) that I had to mock them lovingly - Green!Ben, sperm-minded!Mel and Lindsay, Monkey!Monkey and...Ted. Well I just love Ted.

And glad to see another 'hooked' on this fic - hooked like a pirahna in Justin's yoke trap!

Thanks for the wonderful fb! :D:D:D
(no subject) - ashmedai on December 11th, 2006 01:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on December 11th, 2006 01:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
trishwishtrishwish on December 11th, 2006 02:58 pm (UTC)
So, I'm about to get ready for work, and I fear that I'll be chuckling to myself all day long because of this fic! This is the best crack!fic I've ever read, and I'm not sure anything could beat it. It's had me laughing my ass off since chapter 1. I look forward to more! (And more, and more...) *evil grin*
Maria: BJ Stayslave_o_spike on December 12th, 2006 03:55 am (UTC)
You know, I love your stories (esp. that one where Brian dreams Mikey is Justin's boyfriend) and I read these during the time that I didn't comment on anybody's stories but I have to say this is a wonderful comment coming from you who continues to entertain us with your series.

Thank you very much!

And I think I will be able to continue writing the craziness that is this story. It will have to wait till after my Christmas fic is finished - I just posted part 2 and there are 4 parts.

*smooches and hugs*
(Deleted comment)
Maria: BJ Sex Take 2slave_o_spike on December 19th, 2006 02:08 pm (UTC)
Yay! Next chapter to hopefully be after the Christmas fic is done. Thanks!:D
(Deleted comment)
Maria: BJ Guh Showerslave_o_spike on May 25th, 2007 08:20 pm (UTC)
Yep - Justin saved Mikey...with the yokes!

And oh yeah! Justin is really the only thing for Brian in this fic (actually, that's canon if you think about it).

adelais_liliadelais_lili on September 4th, 2007 12:38 pm (UTC)
Thank God, Mickey is fine. Now we can still laugh and mocke at him and make other awful things to him. Amen.

"M for Mikey, right?" More for Monkey, but hey I won't tell if you don't.
"Hey! What the fuck?" Mikey frowned. "Is that a tail?" Ooops!!! But if it's longer than his dick it may come in handy. :)))

Nice save. It wouldn't be the same without Mickey. You're not so bad after all. Hugs.
Maria: cannibal fic masturbating signslave_o_spike on September 6th, 2007 09:24 pm (UTC)
See? I would never kill Mikey.

Now Ethan...

I always thought that. If you don't have a dick worth mentioning, wouldn't it be a good idea to have a tail?

*hugs you too*

Thank you!!!!
(no subject) - adelais_lili on September 8th, 2007 07:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)