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23 March 2007 @ 06:23 pm
QaF Fic "Through a Mirror, Darkly" Chapter 8  
Hello everyone!!!

So I think RL has calmed down a bit now. Like I said, after today, I should be getting more time off from work. I've had to work till mid-way some of the days this week and I was supposed to be home most of the day today but then our walk-in decided to go down (not good - especially when it's the day we get all our big shipments in for the weekend).

So if everything goes good, there will be LOTS of time for writing and updating and such.

Oh!! And look!!! my lovely friend mclachlan made me an icon for this story!!!

Yay! I love getting presents, so thank you! *kisses*

And one more thing...

If your a vegan, and you go to a restaurant that's known for greasy burgers, fries cooked in lard and shakes made with real ice cream, THEN DON'T HAVE A FUCKING COW ABOUT WHAT WE SERVE YOU!!!!

That's why we have the sign that says WE SPECIALIZE IN GREASE, SALT, SUGAR AND CAFFEINE.

It's just rude and it pisses us all off.

My daughter was kind enough to scrape that part of the fucking grille clean to cook your stupid garden burger.

If it had been me, I would have dunked it in the fryer (yes, the ones with lard) and then cooked it right over the beef fat from the half pound patty I had just cooked before.

I might have accidentally added bacon.

Thank you.

That was all...and I meant nothing personal to any of my vegans on my flist or reading this story.

And now here for your enjoyment, I give you an update!!!!

******SPOILER WARNING*******This is about two parallel worlds. One which we know about and another that our Brian has found himself in. There will be a major character death in the other world - actually - there already has been. There is nothing squicky, per se. It's just a dark story. Our boys will still be together in the end and no, they won't be dead but very much alive - this is the best way I can think of to show once and for fucking all how much Brian Kinney wants to be with Justin Taylor. Just trust me but yes, this will get angsty. *******SPOILER WARNING*********

Title: Through a Mirror Darkly
Chapter: 8
Pairing: Brian/Justin - duh!
Genre: Angst/Horror
Warnings: Character Death but not what you think.
Summary: Takes a strange turn at the end of Episode 217, when Brian goes to tell Justin about his new partnership.

Disclaimers: I don't own Cowlip or the boys and monkeys have been known to fly out of my ass and I was Caligula in my past life and blah blah blah - does anyone actually read this thing?

Author's Note: For the purpose of this story - Justin never went on the trip to Vermont since Mikey was a good friend to BOTH Brian and Justin and convinced Justin to stay and wait for Brian.

Chapter 1 Brian comes home from Chicago
Chapter 2 Brian tries to get some answers
Chapter 3 Brian confronts the blond in his loft
Chapter 4 Brian runs into Kip
Chapter 5 Brian learns who Justin is
Chapter 6 Brian and Michael learn more
Chapter 7 Brian gets some answers from Justin

It was then that Brian stopped in his tracks on the path and remembered something.

There had been no tree when he first walked up the path.

Brian turned around to look at the tree.

The tree was gone.

Brian drove his Jeep back to his loft and parked the car in his normal spot. As he rode the elevator up to his floor, he went over the events that had happened since he had met the family that inhabited Justin's old childhood home.

The first thing that came to mind, of course, was the tree.

Or lack thereof.

Was he seeing things? Had the tree not really been there when he saw it for the first time? Was it the stress finally getting to him? The stress of wondering what had happened to everything he thought he knew.

Maybe he was crazy.

That could be it.

But he didn't feel crazy. He just felt so...alone.

And he felt more alone as he walked into his loft. He looked around the cavernous living area. Brian couldn't believe he had missed it the first time, after he had confronted Vance and had come back to the loft to greet Justin with his good news. It was the very lack of stuff, stuff that marked that another person lived in the loft with him.

Justin's stuff.

The loft felt so empty. As Brian put his jacket down on the stool by the kitchen counter, he took note of the chaise lounge in the corner. And then they all came back. Those ghosts that had been mocking him before - they were all here now, worse than they had been anywhere else before.

"One spoonful left," Justin said as he poised the utensil above Brian, "you want it?"

"Naw, that'll mean 10 more minutes on the Stairmaster." Brian smiled as he tried to push the spoon away from his face.

"Come on," Justin said, "I wanna see you lick it off the spoon."

Justin fed the ice cream to Brian, the confection getting all over his nose, his throat, which Justin happily licked off, and Justin's cheek. Brian could feel Justin moving against him, while his younger lover plundered his mouth.

"Umm..ice cream kiss," Justin sighed.

Brian moved over to the liquor cart and started to pour himself a Beam. He went over what had happened later, after he had climbed back into his Jeep and headed out after the whole tree incident.

He had decided to go to Daphne's apartment. He knew that if anything, she would still be there. Her life couldn't have changed appreciably. And if she wasn't at the apartment she normally inhabited, well then, she attended Carnegie Mellon. He could get help from Ben, Michael would see to that, and try to locate Justin's best friend that route. Daphne would be so much easier to deal with than Justin's parents anyways.

As luck would have it, Brian had arrived at the apartment building, and had strode up the stairs, not caring of the time of night. After all, only college kids occupied the complex. The word 'sleep' wasn't in their dictionary yet. Once again as luck would have it, when he came to the door marked 5-C, he could hear noise on the other side, and knew it would be okay to knock on the door at this time of night.

Luck seemed to run out though when a tall, red-headed girl answered the door.

"Hello," the girl greeted lazily as she twirled her hair around her fingers. She was wearing a red shirt that had a picture of a fire extinguisher and the words I PUT OUT on it.

"Oh God, I was hoping I could find Daphne, Daphne Chambers here but I see..."

"Daph? Oh she lives here. She's my roomie," the girl said and smiled while she slowly gyrated her hips in a circle, probably for his benefit, he assumed.

"Thank God," Brian sighed. "Could I please speak with her?"

Brian was being as polite as he could be when he really wanted to push the girl out of the way, run in, find Daphne and ask where Justin was, but he had to be careful.

"Sorry, she won't be here till tomorrow, after her classes. She's spending the night at her boyfriend's."

"Of course she is," Brian smirked.

Why would she be home so she could answer Brian's questions, that would have been too simple.

"Could I give her a message?" the girl asked.

"What time will she be here, tomorrow?"

"I don't know, 5:00, I guess?"

"Okay, I'll be back. Thank you," Brian said and started to turn around. He then stopped when he suddenly came to a horrifying realization.

It was then, in what could only be described as the basement of Brian's brain, that part that was marked DO NOT ENTER, the part where things were kept that you didn't want to know about, that Brian decided he needed to ask the question.

Brian spun on his heels before the girl could close the door. "Sorry, but this boyfriend, his name's not Justin, is it?"

"Justin?" the girl snickered. "No it's Travis," and with that the girl slammed the door.

Maybe there was a God, Brian mused.

Brian turned and walked toward the bedroom. He was exhausted and knew he should get some sleep because he needed to be better rested for tomorrow. The thought of sleep was a laughable prospect at the moment though.

As he was about to ascend the steps to the bedroom, he took in the large blank space.

The space where a desk should have been - a desk with a computer that he had bought, to get his young lover's dreams back into motion.

"Why am I here?" Justin asked.

"One night your mommy and daddy wanted to make a baby," Brian started.

"No, no, you know what I mean," Justin asked seriously. "Is it just because you feel guilty about what happened?"

Brian looked back at Justin.

"Answer me. Answer me. If I hadn't gotten bashed in the head, would I even be here?"

Brian winced as he remembered that conversation. He remembered how that night had ended; with Brian telling him that no matter where he went, he would be doing what he wanted to do, but when he came home, he would also be doing what he wanted to do - coming home to Justin.

And it was just as true now as it had been then.

More so, Brian thought sadly.

But tonight, he hadn't come home to Justin, and it was with that and a heavy heart that he made his way into the bedroom, taking in the sight of the large bed.

"The first time you came here, you didn't know anything about me. I could've done anything to you."

Justin flipped over. "I was pretty sure you were gonna fuck me," Justin said with a confident smile.

"Then what?" Brian said as he straddled Justin. "What if...," Brian said as he kissed all along Justin's neck and torso.

"What if?" Justin sighed.

Brian grabbed a hold of Justin's throat, "I started to strangle you..."

Brian remembered wanting to scare Justin. Yes, it was a crazy world out there. You never knew who you could trust. And sure, he didn't listen to his own warnings, but he knew he could take care of himself. It was Justin he was more worried about.

What happened to Justin here? Who had he been picked up by, aside from Ted? Obviously nothing happened where Ted was concerned, but what then? Did he go back to Liberty Avenue? Who did he find the second time? Who had gotten there first? Was he good to Justin?

Too many questions ran around in his head, all bottlenecking to the point where he had to put a hand on his forehead and sank down onto the bed, smoothing the duvet cover with the other hand.

"Oh fuck," Justin breathed out as Brian entered him quickly. Brian then maneuvered his body around Justin so he was up against his ear.

He wanted to make sure he got what he said next.

"I want you safe and I want you around for a long time."

Did Justin always use a condom? Did someone tell him all the pretty words Justin had wanted to hear so they could do him raw? That standard old line came to the fore front of his mind, 'if you loved me, you would.'

Brian rolled around on the bed and breathed in the scent of the linen.

It smelled all wrong.

Obviously, the cleaning lady had washed his sheets and bedding, but there was usually the barest hint that Justin had been there, lingering on the sheets.

Brain bolted out of bed. The bed suddenly seemed too big, so he grabbed a blanket out of the closet, while Brian tried to ignore how bare and empty the closet felt without Justin's clothes hanging in there, and strode into the living area, where he laid down on the couch.

He would just sleep here for the night, because tomorrow he would find Daphne, she would tell him where Justin was, and then he could get the kid back where he belonged.

Here. In the loft. In their bed.

He would set the time line right again, once more wondering how it was he had managed to fuck it up in the first place.

Brian closed his eyes so he could at least pretend as if he were going to sleep, but sleep didn't come so easily, and every time he thought he was about to finally get some rest, another sharp pain would hit him squarely in the chest, and he would begin to worry again.

It wasn't until much later, unitl he had started to dream about running his fingers through flaxen hair, that he finally fell into a light and fitful sleep.

He would wake many times later that night.

and on he flip side of that world

Justin put his best seductive smile on and led Brian to the bedroom. Brian had stumbled into the desk on his way in.

Brian found he didn't really care all that much.

Brian sat up in bed, smoking a cigarette, while taking in the sleeping form of the body curled up next to him. The kid nearly wore him out, but tonight he didn't think he could possibly lay quietly in slumber.

Justin was definitely out like a light, though.

Brian could now sit back and reflect on what had transpired since the moment they both had retired to the bedroom.

Justin had wasted no time whatsoever in dispensing with his clothes. As soon as he was done with those, he had started in on Brian's and before either one knew it, they both were lying naked in the large bed.

Brian took a moment to breathe in the scent of his bedding. Sure enough, the cleaning lady had indeed laundered the linen, but it was still there. That unmistakable trace of his own scent, but this time it mingled in with that of the kid's.

And as Brian lay back on the warm, downy comforter, he felt Justin climb atop him, and start to kiss along his chest, taking in one nipple at a time. Justin didn't stop until he had mapped every square inch of Brian's body, from the tip of his forehead, to that little indentation right under his left ankle.

If Brian could say anything for the lad, it was that he was thorough. Justin knew every part of Brian - where to lick, where to bite, where to nip. He was a traveler driving on a road that he had traversed several times over.

And the way Justin did everything! Justin didn't just kiss him, he devoured him.

And to Brian it was too much, it was excruciating, trying to hold back from jumping on Justin.

It was sweet. It was hot. It was bliss.

It was perfect.

Justin was it - the perfect lover.

He'd had many tricks. There were good fucks. There were fantastic fucks. There were explosive fucks.

But none of them compared to this.

Justin loved him. He doted on him. He cherished him - each and every bit of him and it showed in the way the boy made love to him.

As Brian had taken Justin that night, he felt something he hadn't felt ever before. It wasn't love - because seriously, how could you feel something as undecipherable and obscure as that.

But still, it was there, all the same, whatever it was.

He fucked the boy with complete abandon. There was no holding back and for the first time in as long as he could remember, he was there.

He was actually there.

He wasn't thinking about how lousy the fuck was, or how he would have to remove the trick from his loft after they were done, or how he fucking picked someone up in the dark of Babylon, only to get them to the brightness of the loft to see them for what they were...

There was nothing in his mind to distract him. It was just him and Justin and he could lose himself to the pure pleasure of it.

And after he was done, and they lay naked and exhausted beside each other, Brian felt something else. Something he knew the word for though.


Earlier in the night, he had tried to scramble for a word to call what Justin was. Not a trick. Never a trick.

The word mine had been the only word to come to mind but that word was incorrect.

Because Justin wasn't, he was his.

The other one's.

Brian continued to stare off into space, hoping that sleep would claim him soon, realizing that in this life, he was nothing more than a poor substitute. He had finally laid down and covered himself with the comforter, closing his eyes, and if he had started to card his fingers through the soft blond hair next to him, he wasn't aware of it.


I love feedback!!!!!

Gimme gimme!!!
Current Mood: blahblah
Daphneduffy_60 on March 24th, 2007 02:22 am (UTC)
Stupid question, and maybe you're going to have one of the Brian's do it -- what about googling Justin's name?

I'm not trying to be a back seat writer -- but I was just talking to the monitor and telling Brian to google him. I know, I really need professional help. *bg*

Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 02:48 am (UTC)
If you need professional help, I need a whole TEAM of shrinks! LOL!

Well, Brian is not really thinking in a linear fashion. I think before he googles him, he'll try all the tried and true methods first.

But it would be a good start!

Every time I google my name, that Mary Higgins Clark chick comes up first.

Thanks for the fb (and suggestion!).
(Deleted comment)
Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 02:53 am (UTC)
Well...not every vegan - just the stupid 'I'm like 90 lbs and I can't understand why anyone would put a dead cow in their mouths' type who come in with their 175 lb, beautiful boyfriends who order the super combo (large fry, double bacon cheeseburger and a large coke).

It just doesn't compute.

Yes - poor canon!Brian - those sheets must be so sterile. Writing canon!BRian makes me want to cry most of the time.

And non-canon!Brian - it's like he's got something great but he knows it's not real.

And don't worry - if you want more - I WILL MAKE SURE YOU GET MORE.

Just like I never let anyone leave my restaurant not full, I won't let anyone go hungry for this fic for too long!! LOL!

Thank you! *smooches and hugs*
trishwishtrishwish on March 24th, 2007 02:28 am (UTC)
Aww! Both Brians are coming to some hard realizations. I'm still loving this story. Thanks for my hit the update!!!

Happy Friday!
Trish :)
Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 02:54 am (UTC)
Hey, it almost feels like a hit!

I sometimes feel as if I'm supplying people out of the trunk of my car!

Thanks for the fb!
(Deleted comment)
Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 02:55 am (UTC)
Awww...I love you too.

I always felt that that wasn't brought up enough - you know?

How could Brian not love someone who gave him all he had to give?

Thanks for the fb!!
bodleianbodleian on March 24th, 2007 02:59 am (UTC)
You've made me happy. Thanks.
Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 05:36 am (UTC)
Then my job here is done! :)

My Flame Burns Bright: BJ - Never let  you gosuch_a_steph on March 24th, 2007 03:17 am (UTC)
I really feel for The Other Brian. How will he cope if he goes back to his own life without Justin? He's had a taste, and there is no going back, and of course that might make it harder for The Real Brian to resume his rightful place. I sense the heavy angst to come... bring it on, this is going to be one hell of a ride! (Oh... I don't have to mention I'm loving this do I? Because that goes without saying!!)
Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 05:36 am (UTC)
Oh darlin - I'm so glad you're enjoying this!

Yeah - life has just gotten extremely confusing for both Brians.

There is some angst to come - this is not the cannibal homestead, you know!!

Thanks for the encourgaing fb!
my2cats: perfectionmy2cats on March 24th, 2007 03:38 am (UTC)
Thanks for my daily fix!
So,*Brian* had a taste of Justin...to bad,he can't have him.
I am wondering what will Justin do when he finds out about the *switch*

Can't wait for more...

Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 05:34 am (UTC)
That's right - he CAN'T!!!

Yeah, well, Justin might not be too happy...

Thanks and more to come tomorrow!!

Hannah: QAF B/J I Love Youherberta2006 on March 24th, 2007 04:30 am (UTC)
Vegans drive me crazy. The other night at dinner, the dining hall where I work only served vegan food, and I wanted to cry.

Also, and more importantly, POOR BRIAN!!!!!!!!! He's so sad and lonely with his off-smelling sheets and no hair through which he can run his fingers :(:(:(:(:(:(

Please bring Justin back to him soon :(
Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 05:33 am (UTC)
Those sheets are just killing people.

It did me and I'm writing the thing!

Only vegan food?!??!?!

I could never hang with that.

*shakes head*

Thanks for the fb as always!
(no subject) - herberta2006 on March 24th, 2007 05:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
critic75critic75 on March 24th, 2007 04:52 am (UTC)
Awwww, I found it sweet and full of love and yearning. Damn, I'm getting so involved in this romance now. Both Brians are in love and the future looks to be full of personal turmoil with anguish aplenty. Did the other Justin die? God, I hope not, for Brian's sake. Which Brian? Both Brians.
Curses, you are doing what every good writer does. Pulling the reader into the story, so that we can't quit reading. Now I, like others following, will plead pitifully or loudly, for the next chapter. Hurry, hurry, do it, do it, and we will all heap curses and bad karma on evil refrigerators and self-involved 90 pound vegans.
Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 05:32 am (UTC)
The future will get pretty angsty, well, you know. More of your questions will be answered soon enough.

Don't worry - more to come, but you can still heap as many curses as you want on all the little vegan girls (they suck for my business).

Anywho, remember that whole, 'how do I have enough time to write with my full life' thing? Yeah, well, I'm sitting here writing all my responses to fb with my 5 year old shooting me with a nerf gun!

It's been a rather looooong week so I think sleep might actually be in order tonight.

Thanks for the beautiful fb - you know how I love it!

(no subject) - critic75 on March 24th, 2007 06:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 09:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - johnnysbiotch on March 24th, 2007 05:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 05:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
beathen: QAF - B/J - You are my everythingbeathen on March 24th, 2007 05:46 am (UTC)
my lovely friend mclachlan made me an icon for this story!!!

The icon is gorgeous! Also, your work story was hilarious. I love your imagination.

I love how you compare the different worlds to one another. For instance, the one Brian bumped into the computer desk, but the other Brian was staring at the end space where the desk should've been. That really makes a story feel so much more complete.
Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 07:12 pm (UTC)
I have a million work stories.

I really should write a book on them.

When you see something gone for the first time, something that had been there there that you took for granted because you just got used to it being there, and then it's gone - the space would just seem so empty.

You know?

Thanks for the great fb - I love when people notice the little details - makes me happy that I put them in there!!
Love Goes On: safecrazy4qaf on March 24th, 2007 05:51 am (UTC)
Fuck. *bites her nails nervously* You are fucking killing me here. You do realize that, right? *sighs* Dammit. I never thought I would actually say this, but my heart is actually breaking for both of Brians. Does that even make sense at all? *headpalm*
Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 07:10 pm (UTC)
You are fucking killing me here

This is the horror part of the horror story.

I call it audience participation.

And yes, it does make sense - it is going to get angsty for both Brians soon enough (well, it already has, but well, you know...)

Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 07:08 pm (UTC)
More tonight!

I promise!!!!!

Rena: Bad Hairelyxer on March 24th, 2007 10:24 am (UTC)
Love this fic! I feel for both Brians...so sad. My mind is going in circles trying to figure out what is going to happen...uuugggghhhh! More soon, please...purty, purty please.
Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 07:07 pm (UTC)
God! I just can't stop looking at that cat! LOL!

Anywho, I'm going in circles trying to type it!

Thanks for your fb!
shadownyc: paddies  - 112-ice cream kisses-animatedshadownyc on March 24th, 2007 11:12 am (UTC)
The parallel sheet comparison was fantastic and actually quite touching. The first half of this chapter practically broke my heart.

I hope it won't be too long before the universes right themselves...and Brian figures out how to get the world's to align correctly. I'm stumped as to how to do it!
Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 07:06 pm (UTC)
It broke my heart writing it!

I thought about what would Brian notice once he got into the bedroom and I knew smell is a very important thing.

I'm stumped as to how to do it!

I've got it all planned out - just hang in there!

And thank you! Thank you!
qafmaniac: Bite Me weißqafmaniac on March 24th, 2007 12:55 pm (UTC)
This is so sad!I'm hurting here and I'm very afraid that there will be a happy ending...but only for one Brian! :(

Thanks for my nearly daily fix....but I need MORE!!
See..my addiction grows and grows and.... :)


Maria: Through a Mirrorslave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 07:04 pm (UTC)
More for your fix tonight!

I must go and buy a cage and rats for a Python right now.

(Yeah, seriously).

I'm not going to say anything more but THANK YOU for your fb!
(no subject) - qafmaniac on March 24th, 2007 07:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 07:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - qafmaniac on March 24th, 2007 07:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on March 24th, 2007 07:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - qafmaniac on March 24th, 2007 07:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)