And I brought your wives, happier_bunny and _alicesprings along for the ride.
So without further adieu:
Title: Xie goes to save Bunny and Leanne
Warning: Exploitive use of ragweed
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys or Cowlip or Xie or Joyce or Leanne or Bunny or a rational thought or a pony or...
Xie drove the back roads between Philly and the Pitts quickly, hoping to get to the small town nestled between the two large cities. It had only been four days since she had heard from her dearest friends, Bunny and Leanne, when they informed her that they had decided to settle in the tiny hamlet. They gave no reason as to why they had left everything that they had known behind except that they were happy where they were and they weren't leaving.
So here was Xie now, entering a town she had no knowledge of, ready to locate her dear friends and make them see reason, getting them back to where they belonged.
She wasn't sure of where they were currently living so she decided to do the next best thing. She located the local law enforcement, parked her energy efficient car, straightened out her shirt that read XENA AND GABRIELLE ARE SOOO DOING IT and knocked on the front door.
She was startled when a monkey answered the door.
"Yeah?" the monkey said.
"I'm looking for the local sheriff," Xie said.
"He's a Ranger!" the monkey yelled. "Ben! Someone's at the door!" The monkey turned back to the door, "I'm Mikey. He's watching his favorite movie right now, Silent Running, but it's at the end so you're good."
Xie could hear the unmistakable sounds of Joan Baez coming through the living room and to the front door.
A very handsome, very big man showed up at the door who had apparently been crying.
"Yes, can I help you?" Ranger Ben said while wiping his eyes.
"I'm sorry," Xie said, "did I come at a bad time?" She felt strangely sorry for the weeping man. Especially since he had to deal with the talking monkey.
"No it's okay. I just always cry at the end of the movie. Oh God...the part with the little robot and the watering can...oh God," Ranger Ben said and had to wipe at his eyes again as he started to weep again.
"Maybe I should come back..." Xie began.
"No, no, no. I'm sorry," Ben said then composed himself by breathing in and straightening out his belt. "Now what can I do for you?"
"My two friends just relocated to town here. They're names are," Xie began.
"Bunny and Leanne?" the Ranger asked.
"Yes! Oh I'm so relieved you know them," Xie gushed.
"Oh yes. They just acquired a house in town but they won't be there right now," Ben said.
"But it's late! Where could they possibly be at this time of night in this town?" Xie asked.
"They're probably over by the lake where all the other women have been getting together at night every week," Mikey said.
So the monkey didn't seem all that bad since he seemed to provide her with some useful information. She had gleaned from that that her friends had fallen in with some sort of cult, or a coven. Xie thanked the men, well the man and the monkey, and left, (Ranger Ben congratulating her on her choice of fuel efficient vehicles) driving out to the lake after having asked for directions.
Xie suddenly found herself laughing at the fact that she needed to do an intervention on her friends in order to get them out of the hands of the evil cult, because it must assuredly be evil to have bewitched her friends so.
She felt like she was stuck in the plot of a bad seventies' movie. Any minute now Peter Fonda would arrive and tell her how fucked everything was.
Xie parked her environmentally friendly car in a field next to the lake and saw the vague outlines of several women in the distance. As she approached the women, all crouching down in the underbrush, she spotted the heads of her friends.
"Xie!" both women said and launched themselves at her. "What are you doing here?" Leanne said excitedly.
"What am I...what am I doing here?" Xie asked incredulously. "What kind of coven...cult...thing are you mixed up in? What? Are you celebrating the summer solstice by..." and then Xie was stopped as Bunny put her hand over her mouth.
"Ssssh," Bunny whispered, "just watch."
Xie looked over at the lake. In front of the lake was a huge rock which was illuminated by the moonlight and made the spot appear to glow. It was then that she noticed it, the water rippling and then two heads appeared out of the water. The naked men emerged from the lake, the shorter of the two running toward the rock and laying flat against it. The taller of the two then appeared in front of the man against the rock and whispered something to him.
They both laughed and then the man started to kiss down the torso of the smaller man.
"That's Brian," Leanne whispered to Xie. All of the other women shushed Leanne.
Xie watched as Brian continued to lick the pale figure in the moonlight. He then started to grind against the smaller body.
"That's Justin, by the way," an elderly woman said from behind her.
"Betsy, sssh," another woman said.
Xie continued to watch on as the two men lavished attention on each other and then Brian wrapped Justin's legs around his waist.
"Oh my, is he going to..." Xie started.
"Sssssh," all the women said.
Brian entered Justin and a loud groan could be heard through the night. "Oh God, Brian..." Justin moaned.
Brian kept up a steady rhythm while thrusting into the boy and it was then that Justin had sneezed, quickly followed by Brian moaning.
"Poor boy is allergic to the ragweed found by the lake," one of the women said and then giggled.
"Joyce! Sssssh," the one called Betsy scolded.
Xie kept a rapturous eye on the two men, so beautiful moving together. Once again there was a sneeze coming from the boy, followed once again by a throaty moan from the older man.
"God! I hate ragweed!" exclaimed Justin. He then sneezed again.
"Mmmmmm," Brian moaned. "It has it's uses."
Just then Justin gave a huge sneeze and Brian screamed loudly, followed by Justin who then screamed.
"Oh...my...God," Xie said.
"I know, it's beautiful, isn't it?" one of the elderly women said.
After basking in the afterglow, the two men parted ways, Brian cleaning Justin's stomach tenderly, then following suit by cleaning his own. He kissed the boy just as tenderly and then they retrieved some clothes from the forest' floor, donning what appeared to be overalls. Justin walked away from the clearing, Brian starting to follow.
Brian then stopped, looked directly at the brush all the women were hidden behind, saluted and then walked off laughing.
All the women came away from their hiding spot.
"Told you he knew," one of the women said, the one that was called Betsy.
"Yeah, well, if you guys weren't so fucking noisy," Bunny piped in.
"Oh, who died and left you God?" the one called Joyce said.
"So, this is why you're staying...it's not that you've been kidnapped into some evil cult or seduced by a coven of witches?" Xie asked.
"What? Fuck no!" Leanne said. "We meet here every three of four days. Brian likes to bring Justin out here a lot."
"Is it any wonder," Xie stated. "So, do you like it here?" Xie asked of her friends, "aside from the obvious, that is."
"Oh it's great! Just make sure to stay away from the homestead and that Debbie woman," Bunny said.
"Don't forget Mel and Lindsay," Leanne piped in.
"Okay," Xie started as she addressed her two friends. She then crossed her arms over her chest, "you know the best part of doing freelance work?"
"What?" Bunny asked.
"You can do it wherever you want," Xie replied with a big smile on her face.
She thought she might like it here.
She would just make sure to stay away from the monkey.
Happy Birthday babe!!!