Maria (slave_o_spike) wrote,

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QaF Crack!fic Merman!Fic "It Happened in Jersey"

So, Happy Easter everyone!!!!!!!

I just put Easter dinner in the oven, the kids have all had their Easter egg hunt and I finally got some time to myself since last night.


I will be responding to feedback on the last chapter of Mirror.

I just thought I needed to do this first though.

I've seen a run on merman fics lately over at Midnight Whispers (okay, well two).

So I decided, yes, that I would be one of them. But, but, I'm going to do it my way.....

*laughs evilly*

It's part of the cannibal!verse and it's pre-Justin but I think you'll like it.

Title: It Happened in Jersey
Pairing: Brian/Kip (really though, don't let that stop you)
Rating: R

Warnings: Inter-species pairing
Summary: How do you solve a problem like Kip?

Disclaimer: I don't own Cowlip, the boys and per Disney, my Little Mermaid DVD.

This snippet is dedicated to jillapet

It was a warm, breezy summer that found the clan on the shores of Jersey for a little R and R. Mikey had gone off to collect seashells with Emmett and Ted. Debbie and Vic were shopping for more tacky souvenirs to fill the homestead.

It was a wonderfully quiet night that found Brian perched on the edge of the dock. He noticed something splash in the water a ways from him. It then did it again and this time he caught sight of a rather large tail.

Brian was busy contemplating what kind of fish could have a tail like that when suddenly something popped out of the water. It was a head.

And not a very pretty head either.

"Hiya," the head said.

"Um...hi," Brian waved back. The head swam away and then emerged on a rock only a few yards away. It was then that Brian noticed the head was attached to a rather scrawny chest and a well, Brian would be damned for saying it, but a tail.

"Come on over," the merman called. "The water's great."

Brian stripped himself of his overalls and dove in for want of anything better to do. Brian emerged from the water and sat himself next to the 'merman' on the rock.

"So," Brian started, "you come here often?"

"Yes, I am one of King Neptune's son's," the merman said proudly.

"Yeah," Brian scoffed, "I've heard that one before." Brian then said in a falsetto voice, "my daddy's a king so I'm a prince, blah blah blah."

"No, really. I am a prince of the sea," the merman said as he swept his hand over the ocean.

"More like chicken of the sea," Brian laughed. "Besides, being 'prince of the sea," Brian said as he swept his hand over the ocean, "isn't saying much if it's off the coast of Jersey."

The merman sighed. "If you have sex with me, I can grant you a wish."

Brian shrugged. "Really? Well okay. I mean, you're not really my type..."

"Because of our differences in species?"

"No, you're kinda butt ugly."

"Oh well, we can do it right here on this rock. By the way, my name is Kip."

"Yeah, I don't do names."

And with that, Brian proceeded to fuck Kip.

The details of that coupling are just not important enough to describe.

Brian went away and forgot to ask about his wish.


The next night, Brian was having a nice quiet walk along the shore when he noticed Kip beached on the surface.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Brian asked angrily.

"I was looking for you."


"I thought we could do it again."

"Not fucking likely. I don't do anyone twice, especially not someone who was as shitty as you." Brian went to walk away, but then Kip called out to him.

"Please, just one more time?" Kip pleaded. "I came out all this way...and besides, don't you want your wish?"

"I already had sex with you..."

"It has to be twice in order for me to grant you a wish."

"Fine," Brian sighed and proceeded to fuck Kip once again.

And as before, the details of that union will be spared.

"Alright," Brian said as he buckled up his overalls, "I want my wish now."

Kip smiled. "I can't grant wishes."

"What? You lied?" Brian yelled.

"Duh! Yeah," Kip said. "Now, if you fuck me one more time - and that's what the sea witch said, if I fuck a human three times, then she'll grant me my wish - that is to have legs." Kip sat back on the rock and smiled a shit eating grin.

"Well, Skip, that's all fine and all, but I'm not fucking you a third time."

"Thought you'd say that," Kip smiled. "See, here's the score Kinney. May I call you Kinney? If you don't fuck me one more time, I'll tell PETA that you took sexual liberties with a poor defenseless merman..."

"That's dirty pool!" Brian yelled.

"Hey, I wanna go where the people go. I wanna see them dancing and laughin, ya know?"

"Sure thing Ariel." Brian regarded the merman. "Look Kip, I can help you out here. I can make sure you go where the people go."

"So you'll fuck me?" Kip said excitedly.

"In a manner of speaking," Brian said and smiled.

It was a few weeks later that Debbie's Delicacies provided a new product for the shelves of Pittsburgh for a limited time only - something that was off the beaten path of her sausages.

A canned fish.


The End

You know, I'm not sure if I want feedback on this one.

Okay, sure.

Just be gentle.

Tags: cannibal snippet

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