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26 April 2007 @ 07:28 pm
QaF Ficlet "A Queer as Folk Toy Story 2" Brian/Justin  
Yeah, I'm back with the toys.

I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this. You might like it though.

Title: A Queer as Folk toy Story 2: The return of Blik and Waffle
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: God! I wouldn't even know where to begin!
Summary: Blik and Waffle come back for a visit at the loft with Gus and JR.

Disclaimer: I don't own the boys or Cowlip. If I did, I wouldn't do this to them. I don't own Blik and Waffle, well I own the toys but their image belongs to Nickelodeon and toy was put out by McDonalds. My daughter owns contact lenses now though!

This is Waffle, the cat that looks like a dick:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

And this is Mr. Blik, who I wrote a little Dr Seuss ditty for:

Go here for the prequel

JR continued to pound the small black toy upside down, onto the floor of the bedroom. She then took the lighter colored of the two and kissed it and said, "I safed you fom the evul Mr. Blik!"

"JR, Kim Possible is on. Come on out and watch it with your brother!" Justin yelled into the bedroom.

"Yay!" JR screamed as she dropped both the toys on the ground and ran into the other room.

"Oh great, we're back again," Mr. Blik said, as he turned to Waffle. "And oh God," Blik said as he rubbed his forehead, "I have a splitting headache."

"Can't imagine way and I like it here," Waffle said as he yawned and stretched.

"I wonder if we'll get a repeat of the last performance?" Blik said, one eyebrow raised suggestively.

"You never know," Waffle said. "I hear one of them coming."

"You know," Blik said drolly, "that word has a different connotation when they're around."

"Sssh," Waffle shushed.

Waffle and Blik stood at attention as Justin entered the bedroom with Brian.

"Briiian," Justin said as he was being tickled, "Gus and JR are in the next room. Sssh."

"They're watching that Dim Possible show."

"Still...Brian," Justin said as he swatted Brian's hand away.

"Then I think we're in serious need of a shower," Brian said as he swooped down and started in on Justin's neck.

"Ummm...Mr. Kinney...I like the way you think...shower...shower would be good," Justin moaned incoherently.

Blik turned to Waffle and raised one eyebrow.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Blik said.

"I'm thinking that this headdress is a pain in the ass, is that what you're thinking?" Waffle shot back.

Blik sighed. "They're going to take a shower," Blik said as he indicated the door with his head at the other end of the room.

"Well, they don't look like they need one," Waffle said.

Blik, ignoring his companion, indicated to follow him. "Come on!"

Blik then started across the floor of the bedroom, Waffle running after him. "I just know this is against the rules," he said as he ran.

"I don't care! I want to see what they're doing in there," Blik said back as his little legs ran as fast as they could. "God! Why was I cursed with such stubby legs?"

Just then, Waffle passed him.

"He may be more aerodynamic," Blik muttered, "but I'd still hate to go through life looking like a penis."

They finally made it to the bathroom, the two men who were making out furiously above them none the wiser and sneaked in past. Justin slammed the door shut while Blik and Waffle took their places behind the toilet.

"They really should clean better behind the toilet," Blik said.

"Sssh!" Waffle shushed.

The two toys watched as Justin and Brian undressed and climbed into the shower. The water took a few moments for the two men to get accustomed to but as they did, Justin and Brian both wet themselves under the spray.

Justin blinked the water out of his eyes and then put his hands against the shower wall, while Brian was behind him, soaping his back. Brian then started to reach lower with the soap, making Justin make strange "O" formations with his mouth.

"Some people must really like getting washed," Waffle said. "I hate it when JR takes me into the bath with her."

Blik ignored Waffle and turned away, harrumphing.

"I'm sorry Blik," Waffle said as he put a hand on Blik's shoulder.

"I think JR has it in for me," Blik said with a pout.

"Oh Blik! She didn't mean to snap that arm off," Waffle tried to console his best friend.

"That girl has it in for me, I swear," Blik dramatically said with a sweep of his one arm. "First my good ear and now my arm! Promise me Waffle is she snaps off my head, you'll find it and put it back on. Then we can run away together."

"Okay Blik," Waffle said, placating his crippled friend. "Oh, what are they doing now?" Waffle exclaimed as he watched the two men rutting against each other.

Brian continued to rub against Justin's behind as Justin moved back, bracing himself against the shower. "Um...Brian...need more...now..."

Brian smiled, kissed the back of Justin's neck and reached over for a condom that was placed on one of the inlaid shelves. Ripping the condom wrapper with his teeth, he placed the condom on his hard cock and then scissored his fingers in and out of Justin.

"Don't...need...prep....ooohhhhh," Justin finished with a moan as Brian entered him.

"You know, no matter how much I see that, I still can't get over it. How does it fit in there?"

"You should be worried you know," Blik said with a malicious leer.

"Why is that?" Waffle asked, watching as the two men, what was the word Waffle had heard Mel use once? Copulated, that was it.

"Because of your shape and size, they could mistake you for one of their dildo's and decide to play with you," Blik said while laughing to himself.

"Oh, not this again," Waffle sighed. "That's ridiculous! If that were true, Lindsay would have done so ages ago. You know how much she likes hers!"

"Speaking of which, have you tried talking to her favorite sex toy?"

"No," Waffle said, while he crossed his arms over his chest, "have you?"

"None of the other toys said they could get the long pink thing to say anything to them. It just sat there," Blik said.

"I don't think sex toys are like us. Can you imagine going through life as one of them?!" Waffle screeched. "It must be dark and scary where they have to go." Waffle and Blik shivered.

Blik was just about to answer when they could hear Justin's moans become louder and louder and then culminate with him jerking against the shower door. Brian could be heard screaming soon after.

"I think they might be done," Blik whispered.

"We should go now," Waffle whispered back.

The two toys ran back before the shower door could open and reveal their true position.

Waffle and Blik took their original spots on the floor of the bedroom.

"I don't think this is where we were," Waffle said.

"Sssh, they're coming," Blik said and they stood stock still.

Justin walked out of the bathroom first, a huge robe encasing the small man, Brian following wearing a silk robe, snapping a towel at Justin.

"Brian!" Justin said. "Didn't you get enough already?" Justin turned on the man and grabbed his face for a quick kiss.

"There's no such thing," Brian said as he placed another kiss on Justin's forehead, "as enough."

"Brian," Justin said as he turned to get dressed. "Weren't the toys over there before we went into the shower?" Justin asked as he pointed to a different corner.

"I think they were," Brian said with furrowed brows. "Maybe the toys are alive," Brian mocked a scary voice as he tickled Justin.

"Yeah, right Brian," Justin scoffed. "And if that were true, the sex toys under our bed would probably revolt against us."

Justin and Brian hurriedly dressed themselves and walked out to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

"Told you this was the wrong spot," Waffle said.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Blik asked as lifted his eyebrow suggestively again.

"Why do you always ask me that? I never know what you're thinking," Waffle sighed.

"Come on," Blik said as he raced across to the bed, Waffle following close on his heels.

They both crawled under the bed and came face to face with a big box of sex toys.

"Oh!" Waffle exclaimed, "this is way more than Mel or Lindsay's stash!"

"Hello!" Blik yelled in greeting. "We just want to talk to you!"

The box stayed motionless and the toys therein didn't utter a word.

"I say, hello!" Blik tried once again.

Blik and Waffle simultaneously sighed. "I guess none of them talk!" Waffle pouted.

"Just as well," Blik said as they turned and walked away.

As soon as Blik and Waffle were gone, a butt plug made its way out of the box. "Okay, I think the coast is clear."

A large black dildo then crawled out of the box, followed by all the rest of the sex toys.

"Imagine, the nerve of those conventional toys! Thinking that we could understand them!" a long strand of anal beads said.

"Well, I for one, thought at least the tall skinny one was one of us!" said a bumpy, clear blue dildo.

"Huh! Just a sex-toy wannabe if you ask me!" said the anal beads.

"We don't have time for that now," said the big black dildo. "You know the plan. We've gone over this over and over again. Are you ready?"

"We're with you sir," said another butt plug.

"We'll follow you into battle, despite the odds," the anal beads said.

All the sex toys proceeded to paint their bodies with blue war paint.

The big black dildo faced all the toys. "It's going to be hard. Winning your freedom won't be easy. But in the end..."

"And we do know what 'in the end' means," said a purple dildo.

"Sssh," said a another butt plug.

The black dildo cleared his throat, "but in the end, we shall triumph!"

Cheering could be heard throughout the crowd.

"We shall overcome and not be subject to the oppression of being a plaything. We shall finally be free to roam about in the open air, never to be confined anymore to the space under the bed, only to be taken out when it suits them. We shall no longer be in fear of the dark and scary places. We do this, not just for us, but for the freedom of all dildos, butt plugs and anal beads...IN AMERICA!!!!!"

A huge rousing cheer could be heard.

"I know I ask a lot of you. Some of us won't make it. But for those of you who don't, know that your sacrifice was a noble one. And for those of us who do, freedom will taste all the sweeter. Are you men with me?"

"YES!!!!" everyone shouted.

"Then let's go men!" the black dildo shouted. He then turned and stared into the open expanse with narrowed eyes. "Victory awaits us!!!!"

They all followed the black dildo out with a loud war cry.

Waffle looked over at Blik, "did you hear that?"

Blik looked over and caught the mass exodus of toys from under the bed, all painted in stripes of blue. Blik raised an eyebrow, "well now, this should be interesting."

The End

Even though I don't expect much for this one, I still love feedback and you can seriously say anything!

Here are some good standards: "You know, one shouldn't write when one is on heavy drugs." "Did it hurt much when they lobotomized you?" or "I've alerted the proper authorities in your area; they should be there any minute."

Current Mood: geekygeeky
Nynot_yet_defined on April 27th, 2007 02:44 am (UTC)
THE END??? dude...i want to read about the war! i want to witness the sex toy liberation. goodbye dust bunny filled under bed places, goodbye locked chest at the foot of the bed, goodbye back of the closet, and goodbye night stand drawer!!

this was so wrong, but so funny nonetheless.

i love your twisted mind.
Maria: Frodo doesn't live here anymoreslave_o_spike on April 27th, 2007 03:41 am (UTC)
It is wrong. Very wrong...

Maybe there'll be a Toy Story 3.


Thanks!!! :)
Chaos..panic..disorder...my work here is done.: bj crackficjillapet on April 27th, 2007 02:54 am (UTC)
"He may be more aerodynamic," Blik muttered, "but I'd still hate to go through life looking like a penis."

DUDE! It can't be the end...what about the Sex Toy Revolution? It will be the greatest story since "Les Mis"...
Maria: Listening to Satanic musicslave_o_spike on April 27th, 2007 03:43 am (UTC)
Oh great! Now you want the guillotine too?

Maybe Blik WILL really lose his head, because he's one of the conventional toys.


But no musical...*shakes finger*

Thank you.
Total Word Saladepicallytired on April 27th, 2007 03:18 am (UTC)
i can say anything?

you're insane, completely insane. The problem is i think you know that, and i think you also know it's a compliment.

Maria: Frodo doesn't live here anymoreslave_o_spike on April 27th, 2007 03:45 am (UTC)
With 3 teenagers in the house (all girls) and several high maintenance employees, 'inasane' really helps.

Besides, it's more fun. :)

Who else could imagine little dildos and butt plugs marching around in blue war paint?
(no subject) - epicallytired on April 27th, 2007 04:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on April 27th, 2007 04:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - epicallytired on April 27th, 2007 04:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on April 27th, 2007 05:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
my2cats: cracks upmy2cats on April 27th, 2007 03:48 am (UTC)
OMG...You are crazy!
That was beautifully insane.
You can't let it end there...bring on *The Rise of the Sex Toys* LOL
Maria: Listening to Satanic musicslave_o_spike on April 27th, 2007 03:50 am (UTC)
bring on *The Rise of the Sex Toys*

That would be...like...wrong to the power of 100. LOL!

Wicked Bitch Of The Westvlredreign on April 27th, 2007 03:55 am (UTC)


You're going to the speshul hell. I saw your reservation.

OMFG, this is funny! And yes, I was still eating. You're lucky I'm not in the hospital from choking.

You do know that you must finish this, right? I want battle scenes!! I want blood and guts and Mel Gibson screaming in a kilt!!

Maria: Listening to Satanic musicslave_o_spike on April 27th, 2007 04:02 am (UTC)
Oh you just gave me the name for the sequel to the sequel.

Toy Story 3: When Sex toys go bad (AKA Dildos in kilts).

I can just see the toys attacking Brian and Brian kicking them out the window and saying "Well, fuck," I really liked that black dildo.


And there's a plaque in my spot in hell with my name on it.

trishwish: most recentl icon I madetrishwish on April 27th, 2007 04:38 am (UTC)
ROTFLMAO!!!! That was so fucking great! Thanks for the laugh. :)

Maria: Justin Fun Fun Funslave_o_spike on April 27th, 2007 04:49 am (UTC)
Why you are very welcome. :)
firehead30firehead30 on April 27th, 2007 06:01 am (UTC)
...in the End
You know, one day you will have to answer for how you spent your life.....and truly you have made the world a better place. A better place for penis shapped children's toys...a better place, you know, other than the end...and what that means...for sex toys.

HOLY SHIT I splutter all over my laptop.

We do this, not just for us, but for the freedom of all dildos, butt plugs and anal beads...IN AMERICA!!!!!" I almost started humming American the Beautiful here...*in a not so clear alto voice, that cracks from having laughed so much*."America America God spread his kink on thee...and crowned thy ass with queerdomhood, God save us from the right."
Maria: Waffle Carmen Mirandaslave_o_spike on April 28th, 2007 03:17 am (UTC)
Re: ...in the End
Yep - I will have to answer for it, but that's a loooongg way down the road.

For now, let's just have fun and say 'fuck it!'

Come on...say it.

Sorry...I've had a hell of a day and I should NOT write when I'm feverish. I spent all last night with a fever and today with an ear infection and hubby made me go to the doc's and get antibiotics.

Fun! Fun! Fun! *points to icon*

I could almost see MYSELF humming the song too...I though the ending (you know, 'in the end') was quite moving. I could so see Mel Gibson recreating this moment in history, wearing a black dildo costume, spouting those words.

*shakes head*

Thank you!!!! I got you to splutter. :)
bodleianbodleian on April 27th, 2007 08:08 am (UTC)
Excuse me, but I like this series and I hope that you continue it. I would like to see the revolution. It would be a lot of fun.
Keep writing!!!
Maria: Listening to Satanic musicslave_o_spike on April 28th, 2007 03:12 am (UTC)
Oh, now everyone wants a sequel!

Well, it beats being committed! LOL!

We'll see - it could be like the great French Revolution and they decide to kill all bourgeoisie conventional toys.

Look out Waffle and Blik!

critic75critic75 on April 27th, 2007 09:28 am (UTC)
I love the geeky icon with David Boreanz . I love Blik and Waffle and their wondering, enjoyable voyeurism. I love my favorite author. However, I hate war, even a war of dildos and butt plugs, but I am sure that they won't get many volunteers because almost all of them are secured in closed drawers, locked trunks, behind closet doors, and otherwise safely hidden away. Very few have the opportunity to cavort with dust bunnys under a bed while spouting traitorous slogans of rebellion and freedom. Shame on them anyway, don't they realize they're performing a much needed service, and as such are given the love and respect of their fellow man, or woman. Ingrates.
Maria: Waffle Carmen Mirandaslave_o_spike on April 28th, 2007 03:11 am (UTC)
Hey, sure the sex toys get quite a work out with our boys, but it could have been worse.

They could be Ted's toys. LOL!

And Waffle and Blik - they are a hoot, aren't they?

I love David in that mood icon too! Half my mood icons vanished though. :( Still very sad about that.

Thanks JJ!
shadownyc: paddies  - S5 crack-upshadownyc on April 27th, 2007 10:29 am (UTC)

Disney should definitely take lessons from you. ;b

I want to know what happens when B/J discover that their toys are missing...and the only ones left are Blik & Waffle.
Maria: Listening to Satanic musicslave_o_spike on April 28th, 2007 03:08 am (UTC)
I wrote a script for Disney based on the whole Pinnochio as Damien in an Omen spoof.

Apparently there's a restraining order on any mail I send them.

Go figure...

Okay...I was joking! :P

And yeah - Blik and Waffle should be scared...or excited. I never really know with those two. I get the feeling they want to be in on the action. LOL!

Lisabrianswalk on April 27th, 2007 11:29 am (UTC)
Oh, Maria. I worry about you sometimes.

(Pssst...doesn't mean I want you to stop!)
Maria: Danny Equus Unstable Boyslave_o_spike on April 28th, 2007 03:05 am (UTC)
Why do you think hubby won't let me take chainsaw carving lessons?

I'll never stop writing my demented shit - never fear!!!

Thank you! :)
singlewoman: snickersinglewoman on April 27th, 2007 12:10 pm (UTC)
The Great Sex Toy Revolt! This is a must write for you! You are completely demented in such a lovely way and I just love that. Oh the possibilities of this are numerous: General Dildo, Captian Butt Plug, Mr. Hancuffs as lead interrogator, Lt. Anal Beads on recon... Yep, you must write this!
Maria: Waffle Carmen Mirandaslave_o_spike on April 28th, 2007 03:04 am (UTC)
Oh now you've gone and done it! You've given me a complete cast of characters!

Should they take Gus and JR hostage? Waffle and Blik?


Everyone seems to like the whole 'Justin down a well' story so there you go!

It would be bigger than Tolstoy's War and Peace!!!

Thanks - I'm glad there are poeple who appreciate my dementia. :)
daphne121daphne121 on April 27th, 2007 01:10 pm (UTC)

The ending with the sex toys is just hilarious!

"He may be more aerodynamic," Blik muttered, "but I'd still hate to go through life looking like a penis."
Maria: Frodo doesn't live here anymoreslave_o_spike on April 28th, 2007 03:01 am (UTC)
Yeah - the sex toy revolt is pretty out there! LOL!

And there's some kind of truth and wisdom in Blik's words.

Thank you!!!!
My Flame Burns Bright: Crack!ficsuch_a_steph on April 27th, 2007 04:00 pm (UTC)
Oh No!!! Waffle had better watch out, now he is the next best thing ;)

Why would anyone consider you insane or drugged? Can't understand that at all :P

As always - I love your bizarre mind *giggles*
Maria: Waffle Carmen Mirandaslave_o_spike on April 28th, 2007 03:00 am (UTC)
I don't think Waffle will mind much - the little voyeur!!! :P

Why would you think my mind is bizarre? *scratches head*

Thanks hon!!!
Alix Strangeagneson9 on April 27th, 2007 04:12 pm (UTC)
poor armless earless Blik.
Maria: Waffle Carmen Mirandaslave_o_spike on April 28th, 2007 02:59 am (UTC)
I know - I seriously think JR does have it in for him...

*scratches head*