Once again, thanks for all the lovely feedback! Previous chapters can be found here.
Chap 3 right this way!
Title: My Life as a Gopher
Warnings: This is RPS. These are not real situations - this is all made up - don't sue or I'll sic momma on you. Nothing real bad here except some dirty t-shirt slogans.
Feedback: Oh yeah!
I love my MP3 player. Momma gave it to me for my birthday two years ago. I don't know where she got the money for it, but that's my momma. It must have set her back at least $49.99 plus tax. It's not as nice as an ipod, but it's from momma and it was all she could afford and I love her even more for it.
When I brought my new player on the set, Uncle Joss goes into his "There are some rules" speech (God but does that man love to lecture!). First one was that I couldn't wear the headphones when I was working around everyone else cause then I wouldn't be able to hear anyone when they called for me to go get something. I can wear them when I'm by myself. Second, I couldn't sing along to the music, ever, never ever, never ever ever, no matter if no one was around or not. Then Uncle Joss muttered something about "worse than Dave."
Once his "There are some rules" speech was over though, he got all quiet and asked if I needed any music to download onto the player and I said yeah and he then downloaded a bunch of his music onto the thing and then told me to go home. He then told me to say "hey" to momma.
Uncle Joss can be like that. He would get me and momma things if we really needed them but momma refuses them most of the time. She says we don't need no charity.
Right about now I wish Uncle Joss would help get me laid though.
I try to be a good boy, like momma wants, but it's so hard (and getting harder everyday).
It was because of that that I did something really dumb the night before.
There's a small Korean market around the corner from where me and momma live. There's a girl that works there who always looks at me. I told momma about it and she says she thinks that she's flirting with me. I laughed at momma at the time (she then swatted me and told me to mind my manners when talking to her) but now I'm starting to think momma's right.
Cause momma's always right.
So I go into the market and there's Britney. She's not too bad to look at. She looks kind of like Leeloo from "The Fifth Element" only not as skinny...and with lots of zits...and three tattoos along her arm of the Grim Reaper...and she's got this one piercing through her lip that's pretty infected.
That or she's got herpes.
Okay, she doesn't look nothing like Leeloo but she's got the orange hair. She never smiles but then that's to be expected what with her constantly chewing gum.
She wears different t-shirts everyday that say something, like yesterday's said "Save a tree, eat beaver." I asked momma what that meant and she slapped me and told me to go wash up for dinner.
Today's t-shirt said "Fuck off and die."
I guess Britney's not really what you'd call a people person.
"I was wondering if you'd want to go out sometime....with me."
She stops flipping through the magazine and looks up at me. I might actually get lucky!
"I'd rather get abducted by aliens, toad."
"Um, okay." She didn't have to be so rude. She could have just said "I'd rather get abducted by aliens" and leave it off at that, but then she had to call me names.
Besides, I've read them supermarket papers, those alien abductions are no fun but if that's her thing, I won't be the one to stand in her way. No-sir-eee!
Still, now I have to have another date with Mr. Hand.
So hear we are today. Mister Boreanaz and Jimmy just finished their big fight scene. Everyone claps and Uncle Joss seems really happy. Mister Boreanaz and Jimmy seem awfully excited and kinda flushed. I once saw that look on momma when she was watching a "Sex and the City" episode (momma thinks I don't know).
He wants to get going on the next scene but Mister Boreanaz says he lost his script and he needs to go find it like right now! He then grabs Jimmy's hand and drags him to his dressing room. Everyone sort of looks away and starts talking about the next scene. I go over to the dressing room because maybe, I figure, I can help him find it. J follows me and says into my ear, "I guess Dave thinks he lost his script up Jimmy's ass."
Well that sure would be a strange place to find it. Then there's moaning and grunting and gasps coming from the room.
"Oh God Davey, Yeah. Yeah. Right there. Oh Yeah!!!!"
I guess he found it. Maybe now we can get back to work.