Maria (slave_o_spike) wrote,

I really hate posting this kind of thing...

I don't want to do this post but I have to because I already opened my big mouth.

Anyway, I've sort of not been around.

At first it was because I was just so damn tired!!! Really really tired. I just don't remember being this tired in my first trimester.

I had two fics in the works - both birthday fics for two of my most wonderful friends on my flist - shadownyc and firehead30 but I just couldn't get up enough energy to fix them.

I knew something was wrong and it was confirmed when soon after Memorial Day, I lost the baby.

This is not the first time that it has happened. It happened before Rowan and Donovan were born too, but it doesn't make it any easier.

This is why I didn't say anything yet to the rest of the family - just in case this happened. I don't even know why I told all of you that I was pregnant, when I knew that nothing is ever definite in the first trimester, but I was just really happy about the news and decided to share it with you.

I don't want to bring anyone down with this and I just want you all to know that I'm okay now.

Really. I was very upset at first but then after awhile I just stopped and realized (again) that this is just the way it is. That it wasn't meant to be and that was that.

Doesn't make it any easier.

And I didn't really want to post about it until I was okay with it, so here I am now.

I just want to get back to normal and write my insane fic and talk to all you guys and find more strange toys to post pics of and bring up the occasional weirdness that I come across in my life.

Also, I couldn't exactly post anyway as RL decided it wouldn't let me brood - Jim, my cook, ended up in jail again, Megan's passport shit hit a snag, and Brandin, one of my employees was kicked out of his house by his mom so a state of emergency was declared so I could find the boy a new home.

So there you go!

Seriously though, I'm okay now and I'm back and I have a fic in the works that I plan on posting later this week.

You'll know I'm completely back when you see it.

Of course, I just might lose half my f-list...*winces*

Also, I would like to give a big birthday hug to anyone who's birthday I missed.

I would love to thank jillapet and critic75 for the wonderful virtual prezzies. *gives you guys big hugs*

I would also like to thank a few other people who had emailed me personally to see how I was and where I was and asked about my well-being. THANK YOU! *hugs you guys tight too*

Loves you all,

Tags: bad news
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