Maria (slave_o_spike) wrote,

RPS JM/DB Chap 4 My Life as a Gopher

Uh hi! Remember me?!

I've been kinda busy and well, I plan on writing a post as to what I've been doing but for now I come offering another chapter of the wacky adventures of Phil.

Title: My Life as a Gopher
Chapter: 4/?
Pairing: JM/DB
Warnings: There is the mention of a brand name soft drink here and I have not sent renumeration or received permission to use such so....let's just keep this under our hats. Oh yeah, RPS RPS RPS
Feedback: Yes sir may I have another!!!!
Disclaimer: The scene did not really progress this way (duh!)

Chapter 4

You know, momma always says when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Well I sure wish I had those lemons right about now.

We had a scene that we were shooting where Jimmy, I mean Spike, drinks from this cup. Well it's not really a cup, more like a chalice like in the movies Ben Hur or Ten Commandments. You get the idea. Some movie with Charleton Heston in it, except of course for Soylent Green, and I'm getting off the point here again.

So anyways, Uncle Joss tells me to go to the vending machine and get a lemonade drink and pour it in the cup so that when Jimmy, I mean Spike, drinks the cup, he says "It's lemonade!"

I don't get it but then I'm not the screenwriter, I'm the gopher. So I go for the lemonade.

Only problem was that when I put the money in for the Minute Maid lemonade, nothing came out. And gosh darn if after I didn't put that money in, the little red light that comes on that says they're out of "that particular selection" comes on.

Now it tells me!

I don't want to ask Uncle Joss what to do because he has one of those looks right now on his face and momma didn't raise no fool so I decide to put my money in and get the Mountain Dew because it looks pretty darn close to the lemonade and besides, per the tv ads, everyone "does the dew."

So I go over and pour the Mountain Dew in the cup. Then Uncle Joss screams for everyone to be quiet. Jimmy starts walking up to the cup and picks it up as if it's the Holy Grail (and I know all about the Holy Grail because of Monty Python). He then takes a sip and looks really confused and says "It''s Mountain Dew."

Oh shit.


Holy Fuck.

Pardon my French.

He didn't say the line right because he was surprised that it wasn't the lemonade. I close my eyes and look over to where Uncle Joss is sitting, waiting for the explosion (and I'm thinking, this will probably be nuclear) and the fucker (yes you heard me, I said fucker, sorry momma) was.....he was....


I could see him mouthing the word "Genius" to the producer sitting next to him.

I could tell everyone was pretty amazed with the scene and even Jimmy looked pretty cool when he turned around.

It was perfect!

And then Jimmy dropped the cup.

Well as it turned out, Uncle Joss still managed to save the scene and just re-shot the part where he sets the cup back down and walks away. He was so happy about how shocked Jimmy's expression was when he drank out of the cup that he loaded some new music to my MP3 player.

So as the day kept going, everyone was giving Jimmy a hard time about dropping the cup. It wasn't in a bad way, but I was kind of getting tired of it by the end of the day. Like the boom guy - when he walked by Jimmy and Alexis, he pretended to drop the mic and then caught it. Then the other guy says, "Oops Fred, you did a Marsters"

Jimmy and Alexis laughed and then Jimmy gave him a hand gesture that I don't really want to repeat.

Then Jimmy walks by me and says "brilliant idea, you know, with the Mountain Dew."

So I said back "Thanks Jimmy. And I won't bring up the whole thing of you dropping the cup."

"Well thanks for not bringing it up, Phil" he says as he walks past me muttering something that sounds like "make one stupid mistake." I couldn't make much more of it though.

I look back at him to see if he was okay and then I see Mister Boreanaz step out of nowhere and he puts his hands over Jimmy's eyes. Then he licks up the side of Jimmy's throat.


Then Jimmy says, "J, is that you?"

Mister Boreanaz does one of those eyebrow scrunching things that momma always talks about and turns Jimmy around really rough-like and says "you BETTER be joking."

"Well duh! You know I'm joking." Jimmy then puts his arms around Mister Boreanaz. "Besides, I like my balls right where they are, thank you very much."

Well, who doesn't.

Then Mister Boreanaz gets this evil looking smirk on his face and says, "You were a very bad boy today, Jimmy - dropping that cup like that."

Jimmy starts laughing then and says "Did you see how white Joss got....hey, what are you doing?!?! Davey???"


Davey, I mean Mister Boreanaz spins Jimmy around and flattens him against the wall. He then pulls his pants down to right below his ass and if you've ever seen Jimmy's ass, just let me tell you, if I had an ass like that, I could probably get laid a hell of a lot more (well, I'd get laid anyway).

He then starts to spank, yep you got it, SPANK, Jimmy!


Jimmy, who's been panting against the wall and moaning then turns to Dav, Mister, uh, Davey and says "being what Davey?"

Mister Boreanaz gets this glazed look in his eyes and then starts whispering something to Jimmy. They both look down and start panting really heavily and then Jimmy says "okay."

They both took off so quick I sure hope Jimmy remembered to zip up his fly.

Well, I sure as hell hope I never piss Mister Boreanaz off enough to spank ME.

They sure do take punishment pretty seriously around here.
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