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12 April 2006 @ 10:51 pm
Fic Update: AtS RPS JM/DB Chap 5 My Life as a Gopher  
Hi everyone! If anyone's still following the story of Phil and his adventures, then here's the next chapter. (I got my muse back on this and remember now where I was going with it).

Title: My Life as a Gopher
Chapter: 5/?
Pairing: James/David
Fandom: Angel the Series
Warnings: THIS IS RPS - Do not read if you do not like real-person slash. There is nothing of offense in this chapter.
Disclaimers: I do not own Uncle Joss, Mister Boreanaz, Jimmy, J, my own personal housekeeper, a dog, a Mercedes.....so don't sue, you won't get much and it'll make Phil sad.

We live in a sorta run down area of Los Angeles. The house is real nice though. Uncle Joss bought it for momma and me. Momma doesn't like charity but she was talked into it by Uncle Joss when he said something about tax shelters and write-offs.

It's one of those big, old homes and momma talked about getting some boarders to help pay for the bills. So we have about four people besides momma and me living here with us.

One of the boarders has the whole basement to herself. She's kinda pretty. She reminds me of Bunny from "Pulp Fiction." She sounds like her too. Her name's Mandy. I don't really think she notices me though. She keeps pretty much to herself and besides, why would a woman who has as many guys coming to see her (practically a different one every night, come to think of it) take a liking to me?

I asked momma about her once and momma got real nervous and told me to pay her no mind.

So I don't, cause momma's always right.

Sometimes, I just can't stop thinking about Mandy though, like now....

"Excuse me...um, Mr. Whedon? Mr. Whedon?"

"My name's Phil."

I get this alot.

"Phil? But you look just like..."

I was just about to tell the pretty-looking lady my name again when Andy came rushing over and took the pretty-looking lady by the elbow.

"Oh hi! You're Tricia, right?" Andy was saying.

"Why yes, yes I am. Oh my! Oh my! You're Andy Hallet, aren't you? You play Lorne," the pretty-looking lady was gushing (I know what the word 'gushing' means cause I once heard Mister Boreanaz call all of Jimmy's fans 'gushing schoolgirls' so I asked Uncle Joss what that meant).

Andy looked at the lady and chuckled saying "Oh, I think you're right. I was wondering where I recognized me from."

The pretty looking lady, Tricia I guess is her name, started laughing too. I really don't get Andy's sense of humor most of the time.

"Um, I'm here to see Mr. Whedon. I'll be interning for him and I saw this gentleman..."

"Yeah, Mr. Whedon is this way. He was wondering where you were."

"Oh, okay." They both started to walk away but I could still hear her talking about how I looked "just like Mr. Whedon" and Andy saying how it wouldn't be a great idea to repeat that in front of El Jefe.

I don't know who this El Jefe guy is but she shouldn't say anything in front of Uncle Joss.

As I was saying, I wish more women would take notice of me.

Just then Mister Boreanaz, Jimmy and J came walking around the corner. They were all talking about how skinny Jimmy was starting to get. It's true. We're all kinda worried about him.

J said "later" to them and started to walk away when he turned around and yelled "and for fuck's sake Jimmy, eat some dinner!"

Momma says you should always eat three meals a day. Sometimes I think I should take Jimmy home to momma - she could take care of him, make sure he ate right. Of course, he's so stubborn most of the time, I'd probably have to chain him to the bed. I once suggested that to momma and she looked at me and got this glazed look in her eyes. Then she cleared her throat and looked away.

She didn't come out of her bedroom for the rest of the night.

So here I was, watching Mister Boreanaz and Jimmy talking to each other and Mister Boreanaz gets this serious look on his face and he says to Jimmy, "you know, you are getting really thin" and then he says something about being able to feel his ribs. I guess he can feel them in all those fight scenes they do together.

Then Jimmy smiles and pulls on Mister Boreanaz' shirt and says "Well, at least I have you to make sure I get my daily dose of protein" and then Jimmy sticks his tongue between his teeth like he usually does when talking to Mister Boreanaz.

Mister Boreanaz smirks at Jimmy and says it's time for his daily dose now. Then Jimmy starts to get on his knees (I guess he must have dropped his keys) when...

"Phil! Phil!"

I turn around and there's Joe with a stack of papers.

"Glad I caught you Phil. Here's the new acquisition papers. I need to get this down to 'Props' stat!"

"Okay." When someone says 'stat' then that means I have to hustle my butt down there right away.

When I come back, Mister Boreanaz and Jimmy are gone.

Well I'm glad Mister Boreanaz is making sure Jimmy gets his protein everyday. Lord knows he needs it.


And yeah, so I'm one of the 'gushing' fans, so...yeah...

Feedback is welcome no matter what you have to say.
impaktitaimpaktita on April 13th, 2006 07:49 am (UTC)
just pure brilliance,sweetie. I love your writing style. You're one of the witty writers, I've ever had the chance to meet.

I hope you'll update this, faster than the usual.

You're a genious!



Maria: Jamesslave_o_spike on April 13th, 2006 10:07 am (UTC)
Genius?! Well shucks ma'am.

I'm positively 'gushing.'

*kisses you right back*
littlevampdoll: lick it bybittersweet_artlittlevampdoll on April 13th, 2006 07:52 am (UTC)
LOLOLOL!!!! This is one of the most fucking hilarious RPS stories I have ever read, wonderful work, cant wait for the next part :)
Maria: Jamesslave_o_spike on April 13th, 2006 10:08 am (UTC)
Glad I could make you laugh. Just curious - did you just start reading this today?

BTW, I've seen your graphic work and I think you're really good.
littlevampdolllittlevampdoll on April 13th, 2006 02:15 pm (UTC)
yea i read thru everything in like an hour in ahalf, a total page turner (if there were actualy pages to turn hehehe) but yea it totaly pulled me in :) oh and thank you for the graphics compliment, very kind of you *blushes* if you ever need anything let me know :)
Melthatotherperv on April 13th, 2006 01:44 pm (UTC)
this series is hilarious. freaking brilliant, I love it.
Maria: Jamesslave_o_spike on April 14th, 2006 05:00 pm (UTC)
Now I'm brilliant?! Wow. Although my readership has dropped (because I sorta disappeared from the fandom for awhile (I jumped ship over to QaF for awhile).

Thank you!
midnight: prof fine X4inkingwords on April 14th, 2006 05:09 am (UTC)
I loved it so much!! I'm glad you're writing this again!!!! ::adoring you::
Maria: Jamesslave_o_spike on April 14th, 2006 05:02 pm (UTC)
Adoring you right back!

And the icon? OMG! Did they actually clone him on the show?! Not one Jimmy, but several?! (Maybe now we can all take a Jimmy home and take care of him).
midnight: prof fine X4inkingwords on April 18th, 2006 05:11 am (UTC)
They actually did. Four of them!! It was at the end of the episode.
Maria: Jamesslave_o_spike on April 18th, 2006 05:28 am (UTC)
Okay - now that you have confirmed this, I have already figured out a way to write this into my story.

La la la la....
midnightinkingwords on April 18th, 2006 05:38 am (UTC)
I want to read it!!
Maria: Justin bitch pleaseslave_o_spike on April 18th, 2006 05:46 am (UTC)
Don't worry, you will. I've already figured out how to write it into the next chapter of Phil. I just finished posting a QAF ficlet and I've had to read my daughter's fic (see next post re my Mary Sue daughter) so it'll have to wait till later this week but I've been a non-stop writing fiend.
Nimenic: spangel (by: katekat1010 )nimenic on April 14th, 2006 08:20 pm (UTC)
I'd probably have to chain him to the bed. I once suggested that to momma and she looked at me and got this glazed look in her eyes. Then she cleared her throat and looked away.

She didn't come out of her bedroom for the rest of the night.

But I understand Phil's momma. The idea of him chained to the bed....*drools* :)

How I missed this story. You're one of the hilarious RPS writers I know.
Maria: Jamesslave_o_spike on April 15th, 2006 12:25 am (UTC)
Yes, I know about the drool. I'm amazed I was able to write past that part.

I mean James chained to a bed while being force-fed....

Ooh! I think I just came up with a dirty limirick....
Inca: Some of his Sexincasink on April 14th, 2006 10:59 pm (UTC)
OH YAY! Phil is back! :D :D lol at Mister Boreanaz and Jimmy at the set. Naughty boys.
Maria: Jamesslave_o_spike on April 15th, 2006 12:23 am (UTC)
But Jimmy needs to get his protein from somewhere! *whistles and looks around innocently*

Yep Phil's back and I've got big plans for him!
(Deleted comment)
Maria: Jamesslave_o_spike on April 16th, 2006 04:01 pm (UTC)
You better not let momma hear you!

And yeah, everyone's happy to see Phil again. I used to worry that I paid too much attention on Phil in this story and that people would hate that, but I'm not worried anymore.
pivanose on April 18th, 2006 08:31 pm (UTC)
Oh, you genious, you.
I just found this today, and gulped down all five installments in a mad rush.

I can't stop laughing.
"The first time he called me his dog, I told him I wasn't a dog, I was a gopher."

"Uncle Joss got real mad at me and he sent me out for chicken. He always sends me out for chicken when he's mad at me..."

You've done something superlative with the format that I wouldn't have thought possible: you made me care about a third party even more than DB/JM!

Don't get me wrong - I totally dig our boys' yumminess - but by having us look life through Phil's eyes you made him come out as an equally compelling character.

Oh, and those moments that zing: "I once asked him if he wanted to come home with me sometime and meet my momma and he said he'd have to take a raincheck. So I'm still waiting but you know how it is in Southern California. It never rains here."

or when Uncle Joss offers to download music for Phil and tells him to say "hey" to his mom.

I'm rooting for him.
Go Phil!
Maria: Jamesslave_o_spike on April 19th, 2006 03:08 pm (UTC)
Wow - again with the genius comments. I better check my hat size again because I'm getting a swelled head. *gulp*

I'm glad you're enjoying the story and you brought up the one point I was very worried about - Phil overhadowing JM/DB. It seems to not be a problem with the readers though and in fact, everyone loves Phil.

I'm just shit for writing porn (I either sound like a road map or I need someone playing cheesy porn music in the background while reading my stuff back) so I needed a way to show the humor in the situation and what better way than Phil.