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06 September 2007 @ 05:15 pm
"Justin's Baby" Chapter 5 Brian/Justin  
So here it is!

Chapter 5! Can I hear a Woo-hoo!?!?!

This felt like giving birth since I was in and out of being sick while trying to complete it. :)

I want to say thank you thank you to my beta, shadownyc for reading it over and correcting my mistakes (especially since my 'a' button on my laptop keeps sticking).

Will be cross-posted to my other journals, MW and the bjfic journal sites.

Title: Justin's Baby
Chapter 5
Pairing: Justin/Brian
Genre: Bad!fic, crack!fic - I dunno - take your pic - I don't really give a shit.
Rating: Mature
Warnings: God, where do I even begin? Sacrilege, demon worship, mPreg, bad language, drugged sex, bad!fic, crack!fic and mentions of the high cost of housing.
Summary: Based very loosely on Rosemary's Baby. Justin gets more than he bargained for when he moves into the apartment of his dreams.

Disclaimers: Don't own Cowlip or the boys. Also, I do like Pin Coladas, I always get caught in the rain (hey! It's the Pacific NW), I'm not into yoga and I do have half a brain. Two halves to be exact and the right one and the left one are constantly at war with each other.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Thanks go to fiercediva for the icon and poster. Thank you babe! *smooches*

Chapter 1 - Justin follows a lead
Chapter 2 - Justin Moves In
Chapter 3 - Justin Meets Brian
Chapter 4 - Justin Gets Ready to Eat Dinner

Chapter 5

"Another beautiful Sunday here in Pittsburgh, the rare Indian Summer weather making it a lovely and warm day to spend with your loved ones...blah blah blahdy blah blah...does anyone even watch the news on a Sunday morning? I mean come on?!""


Justin woke up to the sound of Phil, the weatherman’s voice, but couldn't understand where it was coming from. It sounded as if it was right inside his apartment. He got up after wiping the sleep from his eyes and walked into the living room, noticing Phil's voice carrying louder and louder until he confronted the source - a television set that was currently on, sitting on his coffee table.

"So this is Pittsburgh's own Phil, saying enjoy the day. Cause hey, you never know, it could be your last."

Justin stood in front of the television set, staring down at the morning news.

"So, was that upbeat enough for you guys?" Phil asked looking off set.

"'Cause it may be your last?" the anchorman snickered. "Bleep Phil! That was hardly upbeat."

"Hey guys, we're still rolling," someone off set said.

Justin watched as the anchorman turned completely white while Phil smiled condescendingly in the background. "Oh Bleep! I swore on national television. Oh Bleep. I just did it again. Bleep! Bleep!"

"Don't worry, we bleeped it Kenny. But...we're still rolling," the same person off set said.

The anchorman turned to the front and smiled a thousand watt (no doubt capped teeth) smile for the camera. "And now for some serious news. A man was found partially eaten by his dog..."

And still, Justin continued to stare down at the television set.

"I don't remember leaving the T.V. on last night," Justin said while he scratched his head. "Then again, if I remember correctly, I don't remember actually having a television set either."

Just as Justin was contemplating where the mysterious television set could have come from, there was a knock at the door.

"Coming!" Justin yelled out. Justin ran to the door, flung it open and came face to face with Debbie.

"Debbie, hey!" Justin waved. "How nice to see you...again," Justin added and winced. He crossed his arms over his naked chest protectively.

"Hey Sunshine. Oh good! I see you got the T.V."

"Um yeah, do you know how it got here?" If Debbie told him it had been the apartment elves in the middle of the night, he wouldn't have been surprised.

"Of course I do honey," Debbie laughed and shook her head. "Now you sit right down and I'll get your breakfast heated up."

Justin shook his head. He knew the proper chain of events should have been Debbie explaining next how she knew about the television set, not breakfast. God! Did everything revolve around food with this woman? "Breakfast? Debbie, how did the T.V. get here?" Justin exclaimed.

"Ben brought it in. I had an extra one and thought you might like it," Debbie shrugged.

Well that explains everything.

"Ben...an extra? You just had an extra...wait a minute...Ben was here while I was sleeping?" Justin shrieked.

He hoped he hadn't been snoring, or worse, drooling. Or moaning or having a wet dream or any number of the embarrassing things one does in their sleep.

"Oh honey," Debbie cooed, "Don't fret. We're all family around here. You'll get used to it. Now sit down. I made you some waffles and breakfast sausage."

"Debbie! You can't keep cooking for me. I'll be fine," Justin said in exasperation.

"I don't mind sweetie," Debbie said as she patted the side of Justin's face.

"And the T.V...."

"It's fine baby, really," Debbie said with a smile. Debbie looked into the sink and saw the lasagna pan soaking in what used to be hot sudsy water. "Finished off the whole pan, didya? I hope that means you liked it?" she chuckled.

"Huh?" Justin said in confusion and looked to where Debbie was looking. A smirk graced Justin's face. "Yeah, I um...ate the whole thing. It was really good Debbie. Thank you."

"I heard you had Ethan over last night," she continued. "Did he help you?"

"Um, he did, then he had to go," Justin said, not wanting to insult Debbie's cooking by telling her what happened after Ethan took a bite. Honestly, he didn't know what had come over the violinist. The lasagna had been wonderful!

"Yeah, well, he's cute, but odd, really odd," Debbie snickered.

The saying 'the pot calling the kettle black' popped into Justin's head out of nowhere.

Debbie set a plate full of waffles and breakfast sausage down in front of Justin. "Eat up! I get these sausage from this great place in between Pittsburgh and Philly. This maple and brown sugar blend is the best." Debbie pinched Justin's cheek. "You don't look like you've eaten a decent meal in forever."

Justin sat down at the table and sighed. It was true. He hadn't been taking care of himself like he should have since getting kicked out of the house. It was rather nice to have Debbie looking out for him.

Right as he was about to put a piece of waffle in his mouth, he felt a sharp pain in his lower abdomen.

"Oh," Justin said and dropped the fork.

"Justin, what's the matter?" Debbie asked, a look of concern marring her jovial face.

"Nothing. I just felt...oh...there it is again." Another sharp pain stabbed him in the abdomen, this time stronger than the last one. "Oh God, that hurts!"

"Justin...baby," Debbie said as she ran her hand along Justin's back.

Another pain hit him again, followed by another and another.

Debbie tried to soothe the young man by continuing to rub his back gently.

She knew what was happening to Justin and she felt guilty, but the pain would eventually pass.

And everything would start going into motion.

Justin grabbed his stomach and started to get up, "I need to lay down."

"No sit here honey. I'll get you something for the pain," Debbie said while pushing Justin back down into the chair.

"Oh God, it hurts!" Justin said once again and doubled over. The mother of all the stabbing pains just hit, blindsiding Justin once again. It felt as if someone were twisting his insides. He clutched at his stomach as if to ward away whatever was doing this terrible thing to him. And just as he was about to yell out once more in pain, it stopped.

It just stopped.

"It stopped, Debbie. It just stopped," Justin said as he sat up straighter and looked around.

"Okay, but I'm going to give you some aspirin anyway."

"Not Tylenol. I'm allergic," Justin yelled back.

"Not Tylenol. Don't worry," Debbie said as she grabbed the two white capsules from her apron pocket that she had armed herself with before she came up, snickering when she thought 'definitely not Tylenol although I hope he's not allergic to Midol.' "Here take this Sunshine," she said as she handed the pills over to Justin.

Justin swallowed down the two capsules and drank the water Debbie had proffered.

'He should be okay for the next six to seven hours,' Debbie thought.

"That was so weird," Justin said as he sat back down at the table and started to eat his breakfast.

"I know honey, I know," Debbie said as she stroked Justin's hair, the little ball of guilt sitting in her gut growing steadily larger and larger.

If she hadn't been bound for Hell before, she most certainly would be now. But then, what did it matter.

All her friends would be there anyway.

It was midday when Justin decided to go snooping around the building. It felt like he met almost everybody, but he knew he hadn't yet. He landed on the third floor and saw a woman in a very smart skirt and shirt standing at the door jamb.

"Hi! You're Justin, right?" the woman said as she called out to him.

"Yes," Justin said and smiled. "I know you," he said as recognition took hold. "You work at that gallery, down on Front Street..."

"Lindsay," the woman said as she held out a perfectly manicured hand. Everything screamed WASP to Justin about the woman. His mother and she were cut from the same mold right down to their impeccable country club manners. "Would you like to come in? Meet my partner?"

"Yes," Justin smiled.

Justin walked into the tastefully decorated apartment. It was neat and clean and there was a place for everything.

"Melanie, honey, come out and meet our new neighbor," Lindsay called out.

Justin looked up quickly when he had heard the woman call out her name. A woman?

Okay, maybe not cut from the same mold as his mother.

"Melanie, sweetie, there you are, come say hello to Justin," Lindsay said sweetly.

Justin looked at the woman standing in front of him. She had long dark curly hair and was sporting a floral covered, flowing dress, a vapid smile etched across her face.

"Well, hello," Melanie said. "I just made some cookies. Would you like some?"

Looking at the woman, he couldn't help but see an image of the perfect domestic goddess cross his mind. Even his mother would make fun of this woman.

"Actually, I'm not very hungry. Debbie cooked me this huge breakfast."

"I bet she did," Melanie said while continuing to smile vacantly. "She is such a treasure. I look to her for all the answers to my domestic dilemmas. She's a true paragon of all women like myself."

"Melanie," Lindsay continued, a sudden head twitch visible, "This is Justin...Justin Taylor. Justin this is my partner, Melanie Marcus."

"Melanie Marcus. I know I've heard that name before," Justin said. He continued to look at the woman, trying to remember where he had heard the name before.

"Sit down. Where are my manners?" Melanie exclaimed and led Justin to the couch. "You sit right here, I have something in the oven to attend to." Melanie whisked away to the kitchen.

"She's very um...nice," Justin said.

"Yes," Lindsay said, "She is, isn't she?" Lindsay turned to look in the direction of the kitchen and sighed. "Do you know where you heard the name before? Her name, I mean?"

Justin nodded his head. "I remember hearing it during one of the topics of current events in my poli-sci class in high school. It's just..."

"She was this amazing lawyer. She led the landmark Krueger vs Krueger case."

"That's it!" Justin exclaimed.

"Set a precedent for all same sex partner marriages and child custody cases. She was brilliant," Lindsay finished and Justin detected another head twitch.

"That...that woman in there...was...is Melanie Marcus?" Justin exclaimed.

"Yes, after that, she decided...well...we...that is I," Lindsay sighed, "decided she needed to settle down. She was pregnant you know. I was worried about the baby."

"Oh! I didn't know she was...is...um..."

"So she settled down. Had I known she would turn into a cross between Doris Day and Betty fucking Crocker, well...It's just like the story of the monkey's paw. You know, be careful what you wish for," Lindsay chuckled. "Monkey's paw," Lindsay said and laughed again. "Now that's funny."

Justin ignored the strange glazed look accompanied by a head twitch coming from the laughing woman. "What...what happened to the baby?"

"Oh, she had the baby. Our son is around here somewhere," Lindsay said off-handedly and laughed again.

Just then, a little furry thing strolled into the room, wearing toddler clothes.

"Oh how cute!" Justin exclaimed as he looked down at the pet monkey. "I guess pets are allowed in the building, huh?"

"That's our son," Lindsay said and yawned. "Meet Mikey Jr, our son."

"Oh," Justin winced. "He's um...cute."

"Oh please," Lindsay droned, "He's a monkey."

"And the father would be...?" Justin asked with trepidation.

"Debbie's son, Michael. You might have met him. Whiny little shit. The kid takes after him," Lindsay said. Just as Lindsay was about to elaborate, Melanie whisked in again, an icing drenched bundt cake on a tray resting on her hand.

"Look! Didn't it come out perfect?!" Melanie rested the bundt cake down on the coffee table in front of Justin. "Did you know that bundt cake was invented in 1950 by David Dalquist?" Melanie looked down at the cake and hummed to herself.

"Really?" Justin said, "No I didn't know that. That's a bit of um...completely useless trivia."

"I try to stay on top of things," Melanie said as she nodded her head and stared vacantly into space.

Just as Justin was about to get up and leave, Mikey Jr. jumped up on top of his head and started to pick through his hair.

"Mikey! Bad boy!" Lindsay scolded the child. "Get off that boy's head."

"Oh, boys will be boys!" Melanie laughed and clapped her hands. "I bet you were just like that."

"No," Justin said and got up, "No, I don't remember landing on people's heads and sifting through their hair for lice. No, I can say with complete certainty that I didn't do that..."

"We're so sorry," Lindsay said embarrassedly. Her head gave another tiny involuntary shake.

"Well, I really should be off," Justin said as he made his way for the door quickly.

Olympic sprinters had nothing on him at the moment.

"Yes, I have to get to the gallery. You know, someone has to pay the bills," Lindsay ground out.

"And our toilets don't clean themselves," Melanie sing-songed.

"Good luck with that," Justin said as he turned the knob, opened the door and tried to make his escape. Just then, another one of those sharp pains hit him in his lower abdomen again. He stopped as he gripped the handle. "Oh..."

"Justin, is there something wrong?" Lindsay asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Justin said as the pain went away. "Oh!" Justin exclaimed again as another pain hit him. This one stronger than before. "No," Justin choked out as another pain hit him again and then another.

These were far more aggressive and hurting more than the ones from the morning. They were coming faster and stronger; his insides truly feeling as if someone were twisting them this way and that. "I need to sit...ohhhhh," Justin said as he made a mad dash for the couch.

"What does it feel like honey?" Lindsay asked as she sat next to Justin, taking his hand into hers.

"Twisting...and pain...and oh God...like no pain I've ever felt...worst pain in the...world...and it won't stop," Justin gasped out as he doubled over while Lindsay's hand was moving in circles on his back.

"Menstrual cramps," Melanie nodded. "I'll get the Midol."

Justin laughed while wincing in pain, the laugh coming out more like a sob. "In case...oh God...you haven't noticed...uhhhhh...I'm a guy," Justin said, and a little broken whimper came out.

"I know cramps when I see them," Melanie said.

"Honey," Lindsay said in exasperation, "why don't you get some water."

"And the Midol," Melanie said.

"You just don't get it," Justin said and gritted his teeth as another pain rolled over him in one big wave. "I have a cock lady! A cock! A cock!" Justin yelled hysterically and then whimpered again as the next sharp pain overtook all his senses.

"Impressionable ears!" Melanie exclaimed as she put her hands over Mikey Jr.'s ears. "Now where did I put that Midol?" Melanie said to herself as she left the room.

"It's like there's no one there," Justin said in awe and doubled over again as another pain hit.

"Yes, it is, isn't it?" Lindsay agreed. "Honey, I'm really worried about you." Lindsay looked up at the open doorway as she heard voices in the hall. "Emmett!" Lindsay exclaimed as she shot up off the couch and went to the man passing through. "Do you know where...oh good...Ted! Come in! Come in! Quickly."

"What's this about?" Emmett asked and then saw Justin on the couch. "Oh hiya baby!" Emmett said excitedly as he walked to Justin.

Justin answered by groaning in pain.

"What's wrong with him?" Emmett asked with a furrowed brow.

Ignoring Emmett, Lindsay turned to Ted. "Ted! You're a doctor. Check him out."

"Dammit Lindsay, I'm an OB! I'm not trained for this sort of thing," Ted said dramatically.

"Sure you are," Melanie said as she drifted back into the room. "They're just cramps, silly."

"Oh, look," Ted droned, "we've crossed over into Stepford county."

"Oh honey! Your dress is fabulous!" Emmett squealed.

"Do you have to encourage her?" Ted said under his breath to Emmett.

"Look, she may be...well...what she is," Emmett said as he waved his hand at Melanie, "but you must admit, since the change, her fashion sense has improved."

Justin groaned again and then lay down along the full length of the couch. "Oh God! It hurts so much," Justin sobbed out. There was no relief from the pain. It was getting worse.

"Ted, what if it's his appendix?" Lindsay asked, never taking her eyes off the distressed boy.

Ted leaned over, lifted Justin's shirt slightly, pressed down on the side of his stomach a few times and then looked up. "Nope. Not his appendix." Ted looked down at Justin, "I'll send you my bill." Ted turned as if to make for the door when Lindsay stopped him.


"That boy needs medical attention," Ted said as he pointed to Justin. "I'm going to get the car and we'll take him to the hospital."

"I'm telling you...all he needs is some Midol," Melanie said.

Justin gasped in pain causing everyone to look down at him as he writhed on the couch, arching his back up and off the furniture as if the cushions were burning him. "Please...the pain...too much..."

It was at that particular moment in time that Joe decided to wander in. "What's up with Skippy?" Joe asked as he looked down at the whimpering boy.

Just as Lindsay and Ted were about to go into how they felt absolutely helpless, Justin stopped writhing and sat up. "It's gone," Justin said as he looked around. "Just like that," he said and snapped his fingers. "It's gone," and then he smiled.

"Menstrual cramps are like that," Melanie said as she nodded.

"Should she really be nodding her head like that? She might dislodge something," Ted droned.

"It's me," Joe said as he pointed to himself. "I'm a real calming influence." Everyone ignored Joe except for Mikey Jr., who started to raise himself off the floor by pulling up on Joe's leg. "Hey! Can someone take care of Curious George here!"

Lindsay was about to respond to Joe when everyone turned to the sound of a scream they could hear coming from just outside the window.

"Oh my lord," Emmett gasped as everyone rushed to the window. "Was that Ethan that just fell past the window?" Emmett was the first to look down at the sidewalk where he knew Ethan would be lying when they watched as Ethan passed their window again, only this time going up.

"Hey!" Ted said, "He fell and landed on that trampoline that's on the back of that truck that's in front of the building."

"Help me!" Ethan yelled again as he passed the window a third time, only plummeting down to the sidewalk.

"What do we do?" Justin asked worriedly.

"He'll be fine as long as that truck doesn't," Joe started and then winced. "Oh...the truck moved. Yeah...he's a splatter on the sidewalk."

"We need to call 911," Justin yelled.

"No. I'd say we should call the coroner," Ted remarked.

"Hey, that's a public sidewalk so I don't have to clean the mess up," Joe said with a smile.

"What's the phone number for the coroner?" Lindsay asked.

"Just call the city dump. They'll take care of it...and they'll be a lot quicker too," Joe said.

"Does this mean we're rid of that dreadful music finally," Emmett clapped happily.

"What's the matter with all of you?!?!" Justin shrieked. "A man...a violinist...a talented musician..."

"You obviously haven't listened to him play enough," Ted laughed.

"...a man just died. He fell," Justin sputtered while pointing at the ceiling causing everyone to look up at where he was pointing, "From the roof!!!"

"He allegedly fell from the roof Skippy," Joe said.

"Where the fuck else would he fall from?" Justin yelled. "And how can you all be so callous?!?!"

Lindsay looked around guiltily and Emmett followed suit. "Maybe we should have a moment of silence for the poor boy," she said and looked down. Everyone was quiet for a minute until Joe interrupted them.

"Well, there's my moment of silence. I'll go disperse the crowd down below," Joe said as he clapped his hands.

"You're all," Justin started and then stopped when he felt another abdominal pain. This one hit him especially hard and he doubled over onto the floor. "No, not now. Not in front of these people...hurts...too much..."

Justin writhed on the floor while Lindsay kneeled down to stroke his hair and Emmett looked squarely at Ted. "Do something! You're a doctor."

"I don't...what can I?" Ted sputtered. "I'll get the car and we'll take him to the emergency room."

Justin continued to whimper and squirm on the floor as the pain continued to work its way through his abdomen but this time it didn't stop at just that. It was followed by intense burning and just when he thought he would pass out from the pain, he could hear someone else enter the room, a commanding voice that asked, “What the fuck is going on here?” and footsteps which stopped and hovered right above him. Justin could feel himself being lifted up off the floor and pinned to a chest - a warm, soothing chest.

"Shh...I've got ya...I've got ya," the voice said over and over again. And the feeling in Justin's body started to return to normal - the pain easing away, not like the first few times when it happened and it had just stopped, but slowly easing away. Every fiber of his body seemed to relax under the intense strain of the pain. He could feel his breathing evening out and the touch of the man he was pinned to rubbing gentle and calming circles all along his back.

Justin looked up into the face of the man who had calmed him down and saw Brian, his furrowed brows knit together in confusion and something else. Something he thought might look a little bit like concern. "I'm...I'm okay now. Thank you," Justin said and smiled.

Brian smiled back. He then looked up at all the people looking down at him, various expressions of shock lighting their faces.

All except Joe, who stood there smirking.

"You'll be okay now?" Brian said and released Justin quickly.

"I think so," Justin smiled again. "Oh!" Justin exclaimed and jumped up, "Ethan! Ethan's dead. He fell from the roof."

Brian shrugged. "He was odd that way. We won't have to listen to that fucking music now at least."

"That's what I said!" Emmett said exasperatedly. "My momma always said to look on the bright side of things."

Brian looked back at Justin who stood in the middle of the room, winked once and left out the front door.

"I'll never understand that man," Justin said as he shook his head.

"Debbie! Debbie!" Brian yelled as he walked into Debbie's apartment.

"Brian," Vic said. "So am I correct in assuming that this barging into our happy little home at any moment's notice will now be a recurring event? I just want to know...you know," Vic shrugged, "to make sure I'm decent at the time."

"When was the last time you were decent?" Brian snickered.

"What the fuck is it now?" Debbie asked as she came out of the kitchen. "And by the way," she said as she came barreling toward Brian, her finger wagging in the air and pinning him against the wall, "Would it have hurt you to romance the kid? Instead...instead...you kill Ethan! I am so disappointed in you Brian."

Ignoring Debbie, Brian went on. "It's working. I saw Justin...it's working. The changes have begun."

"I know," Debbie said as she shook her head. "I saw him this morning. I'd give it another two weeks...and you can go ahead as planned."

Brian looked at Debbie, turned away and sighed deeply.

"What? What Brian?!" Debbie shrieked. "You got what you want!"

Brian turned around abruptly, winced and sighed again. "Yeah, but did you have to make it hurt him so much?!?!?!"

Debbie and Vic looked at Brian incredulously. The devil himself, the master of all evil, the king of the underworld, feeling worry for a boy he had just met.

Debbie thought it very funny.

But it wasn't.


Yes, that is definitely Phil the weatherman from one of my favorite movies, Groundhog Day starring one of my favorite actors, Bill Murray.

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You know how I feel about fb. Actually, if you lurk and you're reading, let me know anyway; it lets me know who's still reading this. :)

Current Mood: mischievousmischievous
Hannah: QAF B/J Caressherberta2006 on September 7th, 2007 12:42 am (UTC)
Killing Ethan is always a good choice. :P
Maria: Justin's Babyslave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 06:18 am (UTC)
LOL! I think THAT needs to be on an icon!!!!!!

Thank you!!!
sevigny7sevigny7 on September 7th, 2007 12:53 am (UTC)
Hey Maria - I've been wondering what happened to you, so I'm so v. v. happy to see this update. I lost it at the mental image of Ethan zooming past the window with arms and legs flailing as he bounced on the conveniently located trampoline. I also lost it at the image of a man not being able to handle menstrual cramps. You're genius incarnate.
Maria: mPreg Justin 1slave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 06:17 am (UTC)
Here I am!!!! *bounces around*

I know. Ethan going up and down...*shakes head and bites lip*

It was a conveniently located trampoline, wasn't it?

Men with menstrual cramps! Could you see a man being able to handle it?!?! LOL! LOL! LOL!

Thank you!!!!! *hugs you*
my2catsmy2cats on September 7th, 2007 01:06 am (UTC)
Well,we always knew men weren't able to handle menstrual cramps,LOL...*pets Justin*

The image of IAN flying through the air and then splatting on the ground...priceless,LOL

Maria,I am glad you are feeling better.Being sick sucks...

Maria: MOM hack horror writerslave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 06:15 am (UTC)
I would have paid good money to have seen that happen to Ian on the show.

But it was Showtime, not HBO...

And YES! Men can't handle the pain, which is why women go through this once a month and men DON'T, hence, mpreg fic is kinda weird...

You know, I would have paid good money to have seen a preggers!Justin on the show.

But it was Showtime, not the SciFi channel...

Thank you!!!! I'm glad to NOT be sick. It does so suck. And thanks for the fb!!!!
shadownyc: Justin smirk - 502shadownyc on September 7th, 2007 01:37 am (UTC)
Mikey Jr. and Domestic Mel...what a combo! This actually makes me feel bad for Lindsay and that's a miracle. LOL
Maria: TCM The Road to Hellslave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 06:05 am (UTC)
I know. Lindsay is like one of the characters that I could never feel for. She was boring and then she was a cheater.

That's why I give her a personality in my stories - so I can write her with some pathos. LOL!

And living with Stepford!Mel and Mikey Jr - all I can say is, That. Is. Hell!!!!

Thanks Shadow and thank you so much for the beta again. *kisses and hugs you*
lady_erzulie on September 7th, 2007 01:56 am (UTC)
i'm gonna quote my fav lines.

"Oh my lord," Emmett gasped as everyone rushed to the window. "Was that Ethan that just fell past the window?" Emmett was the first to look down at the sidewalk where he knew Ethan would be lying when they watched as Ethan passed their window again, only this time going up.

"Hey!" Ted said, "He fell and landed on that trampoline that's on the back of that truck that's in front of the building."

"Help me!" Ethan yelled again as he passed the window a third time, only plummeting down to the sidewalk.

"What do we do?" Justin asked worriedly.

"He'll be fine as long as that truck doesn't," Joe started and then winced. "Oh...the truck moved. Yeah...he's a splatter on the sidewalk."

This one hit him especially hard and he doubled over onto the floor. "No, not now. Not in front of these people...hurts...too much..."

omfg!!!!! lol lol lol

they are all so crazy. the image of ethan bouncing on a trampoline and screaming was so fucking funny. i had to stop reading for, like, 10 minutes and just laugh. tears in my eyes and everything. i can't even begin with mel and twitchy linds. mikey's baby's a fucking monkey!!!!! and brian's just fucking perfect. it's sad to say, but if brian was the devil, i'd be on hell with the whole gang too. i could go on and on maria, but i won't. i will re-read this fic from the beginning though.

love you,
Maria: Justin's Babyslave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 06:02 am (UTC)
I think this will be the only time in fanfic (QAF) history where Ethan will have been portrayed as remotely interesting. LOL!!!!

If the devil looked like Brian? Then I'll kick myself from here to well...somewhere far...for being scared of him when I was 12 (I was raised Catholic and I was told some horrific stories).

I love that you're loving this. Thank you Thank you!!!!!
(no subject) - lady_erzulie on September 10th, 2007 06:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on September 12th, 2007 01:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
rosehandmedownrose on September 7th, 2007 02:05 am (UTC)
I'm so glad that this story is back, and that you're feeling better. It was nice to see Joe, as always. How appropriate that Mikey's baby turned out to be a monkey. As far as Brian and Justin, I'm interested to see how everything is resolved. You just know Brian is falling for Justin and that should make things very complicated.

P.S. I love Bill Murray too. He's my favorite SNL cast member ever. I loved Groundhog Day.
Maria: angst BJ Stormfrontslave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 06:00 am (UTC)
Thank you - I'm damn glad to be back! :)

I love Joe. Joe is love.

Ditto for Phil.

Yes, Brian is falling for Justin quickly - just like canon. Only in this...you know...the AU part is that Brian is the devil and um...Justin gets preggers.

Glad you're loving and more to come soon! Thank you!!!!
svoigtsvoigt on September 7th, 2007 02:15 am (UTC)
Oh, wow. Stepford-Mel. Me Likey!!!
I about fell out with the image of Ethan falling, hitting a trampoline, flying back up, and then down again.
Very happy you are feeling better. Lucas (my 18mth son) had/has that same nasty cough. I am thinking he is going to keep it until next Spring.
Maria: Justin condomslave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 04:00 am (UTC)
No one has ever done Stepford!Mel and how can you not!!! *snort*

Ethan's untimely death had to be more interesting than him...you know...which wasn't hard to do when you considered the source. The only time his life (or extinguishing of it) would be a topic of conversation.

There are times when I feel this thing will never completely leave me. I'm going to see a specialist this week.

Thank you!!!!!
Chaos..panic..disorder...my work here is done.: bj crackficjillapet on September 7th, 2007 02:27 am (UTC)
"Eat up! I get these sausage from this great place in between Pittsburgh and Philly. This maple and brown sugar blend is the best."


Monkey!Mikey...you are so evil...

If she hadn't been bound for Hell before, she most certainly would be now. But then, what did it matter.

All her friends would be there anyway.

This MUST be made into an icon...
Maria: cannibal fic copulatingslave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 03:58 am (UTC)
Yep! Gotta put a sausage reference in there somehow...even if this is strategically impossible. LOL!

You're right. It needs to be an icon cuz you know...it would fit all of us so well. *snickers*

Thank you Pet!!!! *smooches*
mdlawmdlaw on September 7th, 2007 02:37 am (UTC)
Mikey Monkey? Shouldn't he be in the zoo. I know he's not trainable. m :D
Maria: Justin's Babyslave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 03:56 am (UTC)
He should be. Seriously.

But then, he sorta is (*snickers*)

ta2d_angelta2d_angel on September 7th, 2007 02:39 am (UTC)
This is so great! I love that Ethan bounced once before falling to his death...(does this make me twisted?)

I LOVE the monkey as Mikey Jr. I laughed till I hurt.

This story is priceless. Can't wait for more.
Maria: Justin's Babyslave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 03:23 am (UTC)
Yes, it makes you twisted...which means you fit right in here. LOL!

More to come soon. Thank you muchly!!!! :)

And yeah, the monkey just fit, ya know. I hope it didn't hurt too much. *winces*
rosy5000: Brian Smilerosy5000 on September 7th, 2007 03:30 am (UTC)
ROTFLMFAO!!!!!! This is my favorite chapter so far. *grins*

We got Monkey Mikey Jr.... so appropriate. hehehe

*sing songs* Ding Dong... Ethan's dead... the asshole Ethan's dead. *evil grins*

And Justin is going through what every woman wishes on man. *maniacal laughter*
Maria: mPreg Justin 2slave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 03:22 am (UTC)
Yeah - it's my fav chapter too. LOL!

Yes, I thought that the #1 problem with mpreg was WTF? These guys got preggers just because?! No, no, no!!!! They must ovulate and then menstruate! :)

And Ethan? His death had to be more interesting than the person he was. Hee hee!

Thank you!!!!
(no subject) - rosy5000 on September 10th, 2007 03:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 04:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
Janet says...: chocolate heartscatsgocrazy on September 7th, 2007 03:44 am (UTC)
Hi Maria, I haven't commented before (sorry) but I want to tell you that I love your writing and that this series in particular is terrific!
Maria: Justin smilingslave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 03:20 am (UTC)
Thank you Janet! And don't be a stranger. :)

Also, that icon of yours is making me hungry for chocolate...mmmmmm....

Glad this series is hitting just the right spot.
bjgirlghbjgirlgh on September 7th, 2007 04:04 am (UTC)
thanx for killin ethan i love u so much for doing this and wow melina was so funny i bet brian did something to her
and plz dont make us wait to long for ur next chapter
Maria: Justin's Babyslave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 02:11 am (UTC)
Killing Ethan had to be done. LOL! And it was fun.

Yes, when Lindsay sold her soul to Brian (by asking for Mel to be more home-bound), Brian turned her into a Stepford clone.

It's just his way.

And I promise, I won't make you wait too long. I feel much better now and I'm working on chapter 6 now. Thank you!!!!!
kristinvogue: qafbook5kristinvogue on September 7th, 2007 05:14 am (UTC)
Hee, Gotta love Phil. I also wholeheartedly agree that killing Ethan was the humane and good thing to do ;)

This was hiliarious as always and I loved the sausage reference :D. It's already so obvious that Brian's in way to deep and has absolutely no idea that he is. Plus I love seeing how everybodies deals with Brian have backfired, from OBGYN Ted to the utterly domestic Mel and her 'Curious George' offspring is brilliant.
Maria: Gale Misunderstood Cannibalslave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 02:09 am (UTC)
Yes, killing Ethan = good.

Phil = good.

I love Phil and I love that movie.

You know, one of the subjects I used to bring up at the uni, was if you made a deal with the devil, and knowing the devil's true nature, (and also noting how wishing from a djinn is the same thing), that whatever you wished for or sold your soul for would no doubt backfire on you.

So I'm having fun with this concept. LOL!

I just had to put a reference in to the sausage. :P

Thank you for the great fb! :)
neliscenelisce on September 7th, 2007 07:50 am (UTC)
Hey! I'm lurking and reading... I really enjoy this story, it's so funny.
Actually I enjoy reading all of your stuff. You're a very talented writer.
Maria: Justin smilingslave_o_spike on September 10th, 2007 02:06 am (UTC)
Why thank you!!! I'm glad you love my other fic.

Yeah, this one is a fun one to write...alittle dark, but fun.

Thank you again for coming out. Tis nice to meet you! :)