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29 October 2007 @ 07:12 pm
Bad Fic Entry #1 "The Hitcher"  
So per my last post, (about an hour and a half ago), I said I would start this experiment.

My bad fic experiment.

I'm not posting this anywhere but HERE BTW. Not on bjfic.net, not on MW, nor on any of the comms.

I was watching the new Hitcher movie the last night, the one with Sean Bean. So here you go.

And as usual, this is nothing like the movie. :)

Title: The Hitcher
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Genre: Badfic/Horror/Suspense
Rating: S for stupid
Summary: You've seen the movie. Come on. You haven't? Okay. Justin picks up more than he can handle (and I don't mean a raging case of herpes) when he picks up a hitchhiker. Chaos ensues.

Disclaimer: All this is true. Oh look! Elvis!

Statistics shows that on the highways of America, there are 42,000 deaths per year.

Give or take a few people.

Most of the numbers point to accidental death.

Someone falling asleep at the wheel. Too many drinks. Too many drugs. Potholes the size of a football field swallowing cars whole.

Roadkill big enough to actually take a car with them when they kicked the bucket. Everyone's seen what a full grown moose can do to a good size minivan.

But what of the other deaths? Of the deaths not spoken about in polite company and exploited in gruesome detail in not-so-polite company.

Who can people trust out there on the road, with the wind at your back, miles of road stretching out before you, possibly not a soul around for a miles. When your only companion is a road sign that says GAS NEXT 25 MILES.

And you've gotta go bad.

There are people out there, the kind of people most people don't like to speak about in polite company but idolize with glee in not-so-polite company. People who live to torment innocent motorists on their way to their destinations.

There are people who call these people 'people who live to torment innocent motorists.'

And then there are people who call those people who call these people 'people who live to torment innocent motorists' idiots.

Because people should never label people in polite company.

In the days of yore, these people, the ones who live to torment the innocent, were called highwaymen. But as times have progressed, the term 'highwaymen' has been attributed to the public works men, the men who make it possible for the highways of America to be driven. Which in fact if one thought about it long enough, these are the men who make it possible for those 42,000 deaths per year...indirectly.

But back to the people who live to torment the innocent...

These people who live to torment the innocent are not the opportunists scattered along the highway. These are not people who are desperate and find themselves in need of money or a car.


The people...who live to torment the innocent...are truly twisted.

Always seeking their prey on America's highways.

This is the story of one such individual.

His name is Brian.

And he is the Hitcher.


So I did a spell-check and a quick beta cuz I still couldn't leave it as is. However, this took about half an hour to write so I'm on task. :)

You can leave me fb, but please be honest. But be gentle...cuz I'm fragile...

But be honest.

But gentle...
Current Mood: embarrassedembarrassed
Chaos..panic..disorder...my work here is done.: Stitch -cacklejillapet on October 30th, 2007 02:36 am (UTC)
*bangs head on keyboard, laughing and snorting diet dr pepper out her nose*
Maria: Danny Equus Unstable Boyslave_o_spike on October 30th, 2007 03:01 am (UTC)
Ooh, Pet - diet Dr Pepper never goes through the nose well.


:) Thank you.
Lady_Jane: Theater Orgasm!lady_jane on October 30th, 2007 02:37 am (UTC)
People... who torment, people... are the luckiest peeeeople!!! in the world...

Heh. Of course Brian is the Hitcher. Please tell me he wears a leather jacket! And by "torment," you mean "toss around bad puns before fucking."

Looking forward to more!
Maria: angst BJ Stormfrontslave_o_spike on October 30th, 2007 03:04 am (UTC)
See? You came up with a soundtrack.

Babs could so sing it.

Yes, he wears a leather jacket. He has to. :)

Yes, torment would be my kind of torment. Bad pubs thrown around and then fucking thoroughly and then tossing aside.

You know.


Thank you!
Lisa: Brian animated smilebrianswalk on October 30th, 2007 02:49 am (UTC)
When your only companion is a road sign that says GAS NEXT 25 MILES.

And you've gotta go bad.


So maybe I'm a fan of badfic, but I liked this!
Maria: Frodo doesn't live here anymoreslave_o_spike on October 30th, 2007 03:05 am (UTC)
Hee! You liked!!!!

And that's no joke. I always dread the sign that says GAS 25 MILES and I really have to go!

Thank you!
my2cats: words of wisdommy2cats on October 30th, 2007 02:51 am (UTC)
LOL...Bring it on!

Maria: Baby!Orlislave_o_spike on October 30th, 2007 03:06 am (UTC)
Okay...I will...everynight just a little bit.

This is what I can write in half an hour.

Thank you!!
Eileen: B-J-Facepalmeileen_donovan on October 30th, 2007 02:51 am (UTC)
And then there are people who call those people who call these people 'people who live to torment innocent motorists' idiots.


OMG, I am so hooked on this fic already! Can't wait for more!

[And you forgot to say the plot bunny just grabbed you and wouldn't let go so you had to run to LJ and post it. Uh, hope that's not too, uh, ungentle or unhonest, ya know.] :)
Maria: BJ Halloweenslave_o_spike on October 30th, 2007 03:07 am (UTC)
Hooked already?!? LOL!

I thought I did say that but you're right! I didn't!!!

Okay, so here goes...ZOMG!!!! I was like watching The Hitcher last night and the bunny just grabbed me and I had to post it to LJ now now now now!!!

Thank you!
(no subject) - eileen_donovan on October 30th, 2007 03:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on November 2nd, 2007 12:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
critic75critic75 on October 30th, 2007 02:58 am (UTC)
Could you repeat that people thingie, concept, maxim, whatever, one more time? Oops, never mind, I just thought of some work I could do instead.
Maria: BJ copulatingslave_o_spike on October 30th, 2007 03:10 am (UTC)
I couldn't repeat it because that line IS work for me. I can't believe it came out right! LOL!

I think I just figured out how to get the Fido dvd without going out for it.

I'll send hubby out for it.

If I can just get the kitty off him...
anna_katarina: Sex?anna_katarina on October 30th, 2007 03:17 am (UTC)
God! I love your sense of humor. Give or take a few people made me laugh out loud. Funny!
Maria: Hello Kitty on a crossslave_o_spike on November 2nd, 2007 12:26 am (UTC)
Well I'm glad someone does. :)

I love the way government agencies throw out numbers and stats - so impersonal. So you know...

Thank you!!!
rosy5000: Brian bat eyes Officerosy5000 on October 30th, 2007 03:32 am (UTC)
Potholes the size of a football field swallowing cars whole.

So..... you've driven through Pennsylvania, eh? *giggles*

I was gonna try and write a more commical comment, but ah.... I just want more! :D *grins*
Maria: cannibal fic masturbating signslave_o_spike on November 2nd, 2007 12:25 am (UTC)
No, but I think that the potholes are being used as an excuse for the people who disappear around Debbie's farm...


More soon. Thanks!
furriboots: Brian-copfurriboots on October 30th, 2007 03:53 am (UTC)
Yes please. I can always use a giggle or a chortle or a guffaw. Keep going with this story. Brian the hitcher raises his hand and give this a thumbs up.

And here is a familiar traffic cop to go with the story.
Maria: B/J cha cha chaslave_o_spike on November 2nd, 2007 12:24 am (UTC)
I've seen this cop!!!! He didn't make it to Mikey's comic com thing!

God I loved Brian as the cop! Woot woot!

Thank you! :)
bodleianbodleian on October 30th, 2007 09:42 am (UTC)
Well, you'll have me coming back for more. I only ever saw the original Hitcher so I'm looking forward to reading this and seeing how you actually handle the topic. This will be interesting...
Maria: angst BJ Stormfrontslave_o_spike on November 2nd, 2007 12:23 am (UTC)
Well you know me...

Bad fic or not, I still have to insert my humor. Thank you!!!
shadownyc: paddies  - Brian 313-laugh-animatedshadownyc on October 30th, 2007 10:43 am (UTC)
You have such fun ideas. This is hilarious.
Maria: Frodo doesn't live here anymoreslave_o_spike on November 2nd, 2007 12:21 am (UTC)
This is insanity! But still not as bad as cannibals! LOL!

Thank you. :)
tiedyelime81tiedyelime81 on October 30th, 2007 12:41 pm (UTC)
so far the best bad! fic i've ever read.
Maria: BJ Guh Showerslave_o_spike on November 2nd, 2007 12:20 am (UTC)
And that's saying something. LOL!

Thanks! :)
singlewoman: snickersinglewoman on October 30th, 2007 12:43 pm (UTC)
What is it about the sign that says GAS NEXT 25 MILES that stimulates my bladder?

Brian...who lives to torment the innocent... BWWWHAHAH!

This is going to be the best bad!fic EVAH.
Maria: angst BJ Stormfrontslave_o_spike on November 2nd, 2007 12:19 am (UTC)
Yeah! That sign does stimulate that urge to pee, doesn't it? LOL!

And Brian (who normally lives to torment Ted) will now do everyone!!!!! Woohoo!

Thanks hon!
Doriantdorian on October 30th, 2007 01:17 pm (UTC)
*still laughing like crazy* oh.my.God.You're absolutely hilarious you know that ? Now I have this picture on my mind of Brian and I can't help but giggle behind my desk.My Dear Maria I LOVE when you write just an hour ! Aida
Maria: B/J cha cha chaslave_o_spike on November 2nd, 2007 12:18 am (UTC)
It's HALF an hour...half an hour.

I just need a place to type, even bad fic. LOL! Thank you luv!!!!
Bluemchenkaffee: Galebluemchenkaffee on October 30th, 2007 08:13 pm (UTC)
And then there are people who call those people who call these people 'people who live to torment innocent motorists' idiots.
So many "people" - I feel a bit dizzy :))

I haven't seen the film but I guess it isn't as hilarious as your story.

Maria: BJ copulatingslave_o_spike on November 2nd, 2007 12:17 am (UTC)
No! The film is so NOT funny. I will try t be as funny here as I am with cannibals.

Of course, this is supposed to be badfic...