Log in

No account? Create an account
18 February 2008 @ 04:02 pm
Hey all!

No, no story to post right now. Just an update on life in general.

Remember how my cook was arrested back in December for 5 outstanding warrants? Well, I had to replace him and I did but his replacement isn't working out so well.

So guess what? Ole Jim (my jail bird cook) shows up the day after my new cook puts in his two week's notice stating he just can't take the pressure.

So Jim walks into the kitchen:

Jim: Hi Maria. (This is said with his head hanging down low).
Me: You're out! All 5 warrants taken care of?
Jim: Yeah. So...um...
Me: You want your job back, right?
Jim: Yeah (again with the head hanging low).
Me: I'll give you your job back if you let me put a dog collar on you, strip you down to a thong and post your pics on my lj.
Jim: Maria! That's gross! No!
Maria: Okay, so it's good to see you still have your standards. Prison hasn't completely corrupted you.
Jim: I was in jail Maria. Not prison.
Maria: So, were you someone's bitch while you were there?
Jim: Maria!
Maria: Or did you have your own prag?
Jim: Where the fuck did you learn that word? Know what, I don't wanna know.
Maria: So did you have to like...trade in cigarettes to get lube so it didn't hurt...
Jim: Maria! Shut up! I didn't do anything like that. You're gross!
Maria: Pfft! I'm not the one who traded my cigarettes for lube.

He's really desperate cuz even after all that shit, he still wants his job back. Go figure.

I'll probably give it to him.

And Alex, I think, has found the one. You know, the one! LOL!

He is a cutie. She thinks he looks like Ben Affleck. I say James Mcavoy.

Like I told firehead30, he may be the one, but he can wait to be the one or about another 6 years (or like Fire said, he better be the patient one. LOL! I love Fire so much!!!)

Alex: I can't believe he's in love with me. He's so perfect!
Me: You know what they say about being too perfect to be true...
Alex: He's got like 50 girls after him.
Me: 50? Really?
Alex: It's an exaggeration mom. He gets text messaged from some of these girls everyday wanting to go out.
Me: Maybe they're the girls he keeps locked up in his basement pleading with him to let them out.
Alex: *heavy sighs* Mom...just once say something normal.
Me: I'm not the one with the psycho boyfriend.

See? No one can argue with my logic.

Anywho, I just wanted my QaF people to know that my BJ muse, since I've been doing so much Orlibean writing, is starting to come back out of the closet.

BUT! I'm still heavily into writing the Orlibean right now, so to all the people on my flist who are into that (you know, the both of you), never fear! :)

So there you go...

And on an end note, here is a youtube video from back in Troy days, the movie Troy, not the actual historical event cuz I shouldn't have to explain why, from a Graham Norton interview with Orlando Bloom.

Pay attention to the Orli giggle. I just love this man!

Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Chaos..panic..disorder...my work here is done.: Orlando-blowjobjillapet on February 19th, 2008 12:37 am (UTC)

*tackleglomps you*


Jailbird!Cook made into a Prison!Bitch!

I adore you...

Y'know...you could make Jim a guest star in the Cannibal!Fic...He could be in Sheriff Ben's "Jail"...
Maria: Orlando making facesslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 12:57 am (UTC)

*wrestles on floor with you*

Well, I could put him in the cannibalverse but that would just be too weird. LOL!

*kisses you madly*
(no subject) - jillapet on February 19th, 2008 01:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 01:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 01:13 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - jillapet on February 19th, 2008 01:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 01:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
softbluebuddy: softbluebuddy lavendar eyesoftbluebuddy on February 19th, 2008 12:38 am (UTC)

OMG-Did you really have that conversation with Jim? If you did that is too friggin' funny to believed.

The one with your daughter, also good, but she isn't an employee so she can't sue you.

I guess he is an ex-employee and a potential employee so it is okay to ask if he was someone's prison bitch? I'm just trying to figure out the rules in what you can and can't say to an employee.

I love that Graham Norton/Orli clip.

I had to use my new lavendar eye-con because I thought it would match the background on your journal and not clash.

Maria: Spangel bad wigsslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 12:55 am (UTC)
Yes, actually I did. But it's am ongoing thing with us. He says the most crude disgusting things and I counterpoint with him.

I can only imagine him trying to sue me after bailing his ass out of jail twice before. LOL! This time, there was no bail and he couldn't be.

Alex and I banter back and forth constantly. :)

Very pretty icon and it doesn't seem to clash at all. :)
(no subject) - softbluebuddy on February 19th, 2008 01:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 01:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - softbluebuddy on February 19th, 2008 01:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
snow_white79: blue rosesnow_white79 on February 19th, 2008 12:48 am (UTC)
OMG you are just too funny. I missed reading your posts. LOL! You crack me up lol oh and I have yet to read your Orlibean fics, but I'll check them out sometime because I'm pretty curious :)
Maria: B/J ILUslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 12:56 am (UTC)
Yes! I would love for you to read them! Cool!

I missed you honey!
Jackiejackieville on February 19th, 2008 01:04 am (UTC)
You are hilarious!!! *giggles*

Ohhh Orlibean!!! *bounces*

May I please friend you?

Maria: Orlando Cute!slave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 01:11 am (UTC)
Yes, you may! And I'll friend you back.

Just to let you know though, these are the kind of weird posts I you know...post...when not posting fic. :)
(no subject) - jackieville on February 19th, 2008 01:13 am (UTC) (Expand)
kitsune_me: good inouekitsune_me on February 19th, 2008 01:15 am (UTC)
I stopped and double-taked at the part where you mentioned stripping and thongs. and had to scrub my brains out ..... ^^o, but hey, you have your cook back!

Your banter with Alex is lovely. :D, my Dad and I have the same relationship and my friends just look on weirdly when they hear me recounting what we say to each other...

I've never been interested in Orlando before....but you are slowly burrowing your way in with the Orlibean-ness and posts...>.>....though I am glad to hear about the QAF muse making a comeback...:x
Maria: Bad Mommyslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 01:23 am (UTC)
I agree. The thought of Jim that way is too gross but it flipped Jim out and that's what counts.

There are people who say Alex has a sharp wit for someone her age and she laughs and says, 'I have to with my mom.' :)

She makes me so proud.

And yay! I'm converting you!!! Woot woot!!!!
(no subject) - kitsune_me on February 19th, 2008 01:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
shadownyc: summerinabaddon - friends peter randyshadownyc on February 19th, 2008 01:30 am (UTC)
I can't believe Jim is back! I thought he was gone for good. Maybe you'll get a little more time for you with him back.

New boyfriend...I like your logic...I think I may have to use that someday. LOL


Hi b/j muse...STAY PUT!!!
Maria: B/J ILUslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 01:34 am (UTC)
See? We were all like 'That's it. No more Jim!'

And now we're all like 'He's not that bad.'


We're so easy. :)

Yes, more time to write both Orlibean AND BJ! Hopefully.

And yes, you may use my logic anytime you want.

*hugs and squishes you*
Doylebaby: Orlibean - back offdoylebaby on February 19th, 2008 02:02 am (UTC)
*g* I bet these are everyday convo's with Jim and that he's okay with it or he wouldn't be back!

I can only say YAY for the Orlibeaness and yes that clip is hilarious.

Now you DO know we're looking forward to the next part of either Maria's Viggo Mortenstein or Death..., or any other weird Orlibean thing you want to throw our way, right?
Maria: Orlando contemplatingslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 02:39 am (UTC)
Yep. they are. And Jim's pulled some terrible pranks on the other employees! He's used to talk like this. :P

I love that clip. He's just so darn cute there and lovely really.

I'm finishing up chapter 7 of Death and then off to the beta it goes (maybe not, depending on how it sounds when I'm done).

As for Viggo Mortenstein - there's supposed to be more?


I suppose everyone wants what happened on the table that night that Orli can't remember. LOL!
Amy: Eowynamygirl on February 19th, 2008 02:02 am (UTC)
LOL at your conversation with your daughter. I can just picture her eye roll and sigh when she did the "just once say something normal" line. I'm sure I used the same look many times with my dad.

As long as you don't stop writing the Orlibeans anytime soon you have my permission to write in other fandoms. Not that you...you know...need it or anything... ;-)

Oh and the Orli-giggle is a most amazing thing. You need to hunt down one of the ourtake reels from Pirates. Not the one that came on either DMC or AWE it was a seperate one I think they showed during a Johnny interview there is a really long full-glory giggle in that. I posted it at my journal but...yeah...I don't have the patience to hunt for it... *snerks*

Edited at 2008-02-19 02:05 am (UTC)
Maria: Orlando Cute!slave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 02:36 am (UTC)
I see that eye roll ALL THE TIME! LOL!

I'm not stopping with the Orlibean anytime soon. In fact, I'm just finishing up with Chapter 7. (Then off to the beta it goes).

I've heard talk about the giggle reel. Maybe one day I'll go searching it out. That giggle just kills me. :)
my2cats: made for each othermy2cats on February 19th, 2008 02:41 am (UTC)
So,there is a chance that Justin still will have a *demon child*?...lol

I just knew Jim would show up again,lol.

hugs you*
Maria: Angst BJ Not Letting Goslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 02:45 am (UTC)
Oh yes! There is.

I think that's a good thing. *scratches head*

Jim is so predictable. LOL!

*hugs and tackles you*
sevigny7sevigny7 on February 19th, 2008 02:50 am (UTC)
I swear, this is the funniest RL post I've ever read. I'm still laughing. Hysterically. I want to work in your restaurant. Wait...did I just say that???

I'm patiently waiting through the Orlibean stuff (and not because I don't know both Orli and Bean - I'm a total Tolkien geek). A few years ago, in total Boromir-love mode, I actually watched all the amazingly awful Sharpe videos (so awful they're wonderful). And then read all the books.

But I just Miss, Miss, Miss the Overalls of Lust BJ weird stuff that only you can give. I need an Overalls of Lust fix SOON.
Maria: Angst BJ Missing Youslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 04:02 am (UTC)
Yes...yes you did just say that you want to work in my restaurant.

But it'll be fun! I can bounce all my fic ideas off you.

And you can have 'watch Jim' duty. LOL!

Maybe I'll write an Overalls of Lust story just for you dear. Okay?

*plants many many kisses all over you*

Miss you! :)
Gigi: POTC - Manly Gigglegiselleslash on February 19th, 2008 03:51 am (UTC)
Eat shit Jessica, it's carrots!!!

That is one of my favorite clips of him...and the best interview! I love Graham Norton :) I love Orlando's big smile when he cracks up...and I also love his embarrassed little look when it keeps going. He's so damn sweet in that clip I wanna eat him...like carrots.

And the giggle? Orlando giggle = love


I was snorting at your two convos as well...judging from those two alone I think we'd get on quite well. I read them to my boyfriend and he just laughed and said, "Christ, she sounds just like you." ;P
Maria: Frodo doesn't live here anymoreslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 04:05 am (UTC)
You linger!!!!

And the thing he does with his arm! LOL!

I just finished typing chapter 7 and I'm wiped! That was a hard one!

Boyfriend?!?! Oh I see how it is, you want my children, my female sperm, and then leave me for some cock. *sniff*

Did he actually say 'she sounds like you?'

*pets you*

Truly, I feel for you...
(no subject) - giselleslash on February 19th, 2008 02:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 04:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
singlewoman: sex faces by url_girlsinglewoman on February 19th, 2008 03:53 am (UTC)
LMAO! You kill me with your conversations. I am sure that even after all the off beat conversations you have had with Jim that asking if he was someone's bitch really floored him. But hey, if he wants his job back then he'll have to roll with it.

and Alex should be well used to your sense of humor, but when it comes to teen love nothing is ever sure. I just finished watching "Juno" and went upstairs and put a box of condoms on my son's bed.

Hey can you put my ex into cannibal!verse? Not for sausage, he is so unpalatable tht he might ruin Debbie's business. Maybe as pirhana food, or maybe use him as bait instead pf the cow. H is about the size of a cow.

Love that giggle. Miss your B/J writings, glad they are coming back out of the closet.

Maria: Justin 101 - dickslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 04:09 am (UTC)
Hey you!!!! I don't know how many times I've told Jim he's much too pretty to do any hard time (he's 6'3 and bald and I don't even want to talk about his teeth). And he does keep coming back, doesn't he? LOL!

I have not seen Juno yet. I'm a bit scared because I have 3 teenage girls living in the house. Actually Mallory is twenty now so she doens't count, right?


Hey now, we were gonna put Ethan into the sausage and the grease content was gonna do a number on the batch so I think your ex might be okay but I like the bait idea. I'm running out of bait ideas. There's the cow and the chains.


And gods I've missed ya! *hugs and squeezes you*
girloftheburbs: LOLOLgirloftheburbs on February 19th, 2008 05:07 am (UTC)
Oh man, it's been a while since you made me literally LOL!! Your exchange with the former cook was hilarious... Oh my god... That made my day! :) Also, I'm glad your B/J muse is coming back around. I'm still waiting for Justin's Baby to be completed. ;)
Maria: Justin's Babyslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 06:03 am (UTC)
Aw Justin's Baby, how I remember thee...

And he's not my former cook now! LOL!

We'll be hiring him back. Summer's coming you know...

*hugs you*
rosy5000: Brian Laptoprosy5000 on February 19th, 2008 05:41 am (UTC)
I don't know which conversation I find funnier... the one between you and Jim or you and Alex! lol

Orlando's giggle! SOOOO CUTE!!! :D *giggles*
Maria: Orlando making facesslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 06:04 am (UTC)
Probably the one with Jim since it's so wrong!!!


I abso-fucking-lutely adore Orli's giggle. Yummmmm...

Bluemchenkaffee: J prettybluemchenkaffee on February 19th, 2008 07:16 am (UTC)
Hi Maria,

your conversation with Jim was hilarious! And I loved your logic concerning Alex' new boyfriend.

I'm happy that you haven't completely lost your love for B/J so there's still a chance for Justin's Baby.

*hugs you*
Maria: Angst BJ Not Letting Goslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 04:25 pm (UTC)
My logic is perfectly clear - I don't see why anyone without kids doesn't see it. LOL!

There;s still a chance for the devil spawn out there.

Be afraid. Be very afraid. :)

*hugs you tight and doesn't let go*