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18 February 2008 @ 04:02 pm
Hey all!

No, no story to post right now. Just an update on life in general.

Remember how my cook was arrested back in December for 5 outstanding warrants? Well, I had to replace him and I did but his replacement isn't working out so well.

So guess what? Ole Jim (my jail bird cook) shows up the day after my new cook puts in his two week's notice stating he just can't take the pressure.

So Jim walks into the kitchen:

Jim: Hi Maria. (This is said with his head hanging down low).
Me: You're out! All 5 warrants taken care of?
Jim: Yeah. So...um...
Me: You want your job back, right?
Jim: Yeah (again with the head hanging low).
Me: I'll give you your job back if you let me put a dog collar on you, strip you down to a thong and post your pics on my lj.
Jim: Maria! That's gross! No!
Maria: Okay, so it's good to see you still have your standards. Prison hasn't completely corrupted you.
Jim: I was in jail Maria. Not prison.
Maria: So, were you someone's bitch while you were there?
Jim: Maria!
Maria: Or did you have your own prag?
Jim: Where the fuck did you learn that word? Know what, I don't wanna know.
Maria: So did you have to like...trade in cigarettes to get lube so it didn't hurt...
Jim: Maria! Shut up! I didn't do anything like that. You're gross!
Maria: Pfft! I'm not the one who traded my cigarettes for lube.

He's really desperate cuz even after all that shit, he still wants his job back. Go figure.

I'll probably give it to him.

And Alex, I think, has found the one. You know, the one! LOL!

He is a cutie. She thinks he looks like Ben Affleck. I say James Mcavoy.

Like I told firehead30, he may be the one, but he can wait to be the one or about another 6 years (or like Fire said, he better be the patient one. LOL! I love Fire so much!!!)

Alex: I can't believe he's in love with me. He's so perfect!
Me: You know what they say about being too perfect to be true...
Alex: He's got like 50 girls after him.
Me: 50? Really?
Alex: It's an exaggeration mom. He gets text messaged from some of these girls everyday wanting to go out.
Me: Maybe they're the girls he keeps locked up in his basement pleading with him to let them out.
Alex: *heavy sighs* Mom...just once say something normal.
Me: I'm not the one with the psycho boyfriend.

See? No one can argue with my logic.

Anywho, I just wanted my QaF people to know that my BJ muse, since I've been doing so much Orlibean writing, is starting to come back out of the closet.

BUT! I'm still heavily into writing the Orlibean right now, so to all the people on my flist who are into that (you know, the both of you), never fear! :)

So there you go...

And on an end note, here is a youtube video from back in Troy days, the movie Troy, not the actual historical event cuz I shouldn't have to explain why, from a Graham Norton interview with Orlando Bloom.

Pay attention to the Orli giggle. I just love this man!

Current Mood: bouncybouncy
My Flame Burns Bright: Emoticon - Grinssuch_a_steph on February 19th, 2008 09:56 am (UTC)
You crack me up! Such sharp (and demented) wit :D

You should re-hire the cook on the condition that if he does screw up, we all get to see him in that dog collar & thing.

Oh yes, you've put up two chapters in my absence!! Guess what I'll be doing tonight :D
(and I'm happy your muses are cooperating on all fronts).
Maria: Angst BJ Missing Youslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 04:24 pm (UTC)
Ah, demented, you hit the nail on the head there my dear! :)

You seriously don't want to see those pics, do you?!?!


He's 6'3, bald and hairy. And I don't want to talk about his teeth.

The overalls of lust might be making a reappearance, yep! LOL!

*squishes and hugs you*
liriel1810 on February 19th, 2008 09:58 am (UTC)
*snortgigglecackle* The more I get to know you, the more I adore you! You're nearly as loveable as Orli's giggle (and that's saying a lot because I near wet myself every time I hear him giggle)!

If Jim was your former cook, I'm sure he's well used to your conversations now. I really do hope you made him squirm when you asked him about being someone's bitch. That's just too funny!

As for your daughter, she really rocks and how cool is it that she accepts that you're a weirdo and isn't embarrassed by it?

And oh YES YES YES!! For chapter 7 of DDNBH! I feel like a piece of shite right now (another fucking chest infection)and that would just make me feel so much better. (either that or it would make me laugh so hard I'd go into a coughing fit and actually manage to clear my lungs enough for a deep breath!)
Maria: Shaun LOLslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 03:52 pm (UTC)
I'm as lovable as Orli's giggle? Oh happy day!

That's saying alot, you are correct! :)

And yes, Jim's used to this shit. No worries there. I can't wait till he comes back so I can taunt him some more. :)

Alex would literally go to the mat for me anytime anyplace and I love her or that as well.

Chapter 7 is completely done - I'm just contemplating whether or not I should just post it without the beta. I think my beta has a lot on her plate right now. *ponders*
Doriantdorian on February 19th, 2008 01:29 pm (UTC)
Maria, I think i've just made (unvolutary) the best imitation of Orlando's giggle and made laughed the whole office here !!! That was so hilarious "eat shit !" LMAO.
And poor Jim !!! Maria...*shaking head*Aida
Maria: money shotslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 03:49 pm (UTC)
You did the Orli giggle? LOL!

And in front of the whole office? Double LOL!

Love you too Aida! :)
firehead30firehead30 on February 19th, 2008 01:52 pm (UTC)
*sing along with me*

How do you solve a problem like Maria's cook?

How do you get it through he needs a new look?

How do you make him stay?

And how do you make him play.....

Oh how do you solve a problem like Maria's coooooook

How do you dress him in bondage gear, so that we can all leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer.


Hey darlin.....let me know if we need to teach Alex's boyfriend a lesson in patience.

I think your conversation with Alex was PERFECTLY logical.
Maria: cuminslave_o_spike on February 19th, 2008 03:48 pm (UTC)
Whoa! Can't sleep?

I fucking love you! *smooches*

You sang MY theme song but for my cook! LOL!!!!

And re those bondage pics:

Are you hiding because of the thought of what those pics will look like or because you actually might eant to see them? LMAO!!!!

Only moms would know my convo with Alex was logical. Well, moms with teeange girls. :)
Jude: debbieflashfly on February 25th, 2008 03:18 am (UTC)
I learned a new word today. Prag. And I watched Oz!
Maria: Midsommer Orlislave_o_spike on February 25th, 2008 03:39 am (UTC)
LOL! I learned it from fanfiction. When I looked it up, it was a term that actually started from the tv show Oz.

Go figure. :)