Log in

No account? Create an account
13 October 2008 @ 07:08 am
QaF Cannibal Fic Standalone "Stranger in a Strange Land"  
And here is the story requested by tdorian (Aida) for guessing correctly the last trivia question. She requested the cannibal verse and overalls. Just to let you know, she really is in the fashion field from France. LOL!

So this is sort of canon.

Except for the gang being cannibals...

Title: "Stranger in a Strange Land"
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Brian/Justin, Ben/Michael (implied)
Summary: A snippet from the cannibal verse. A French woman, driving through on her way to the Pitts, meets some of the characters from the story.

Disclaimer: I am not Cowlip and I don't own the boys. I don't however, have to disclaim anything the mayor says. :P

No lj friend was harmed in any way in the writing of this story...


Aida had been driving peacefully down the quiet back road that led her out of Philadelphia and into Pittsburgh when it happened.

A big, hairy monkey ran out in front of her car and she had to swerve to miss hitting the damn thing.



Having driven her car so far to the right, the vehicle spun out of control and landed in a ditch, her head hitting the windshield with a loud smack.

That last thing she remembered before everything went black was what the fuck was a monkey doing out in the middle of nowhere.

Waking up slowly and all too aware of a massive splitting headache bombarding her skull, Aida wondered if she had died and gone to heaven because surely only heaven was filled with gorgeous naked men such as the one above her who was leaning over her, kissing her quite soundly.

"Oh good, she's awake," the angel said.

Just then another face appeared before her.

"Oh mon Dieu! C'est le singe que j'ai renversé!"

("Oh God! It is the monkey I hit!")

"She must've hit her head pretty bad Ben!" the monkey said. "She's talking really weird."

It took a moment for Aida to realize that she was indeed not in heaven, that the huge naked man was not an angel and that the monkey spoke English.

"Idiot! I am not talking weird. I am speaking French!"

"French?" the monkey said while he furrowed his brows. "What country's that from?"

"That would be France Mikey," Ben clarified.

"Well it's not Columbia! Why did you run out in front of the road?" Aida asked angrily as she sat up too suddenly. "And why are you both naked?"

Just as the man named Ben was about to explain, a black Audi drove up to the side of the road. A woman wearing a beautiful Burberry scarf in a crimson red atop a fisherman's pullover exited the car.

She would have sold her soul for that pullover.

"Is there a problem here?" the woman asked as she walked up to the trio. "Ben? Mikey?" The woman heaved a heavy sigh while massaging between her brows. "And who are you?" she said as she looked down at Aida.

"My name is Aida. I am driving through to Pittsburgh when I had to swerve the car before I hit this mon...man!" Aida stated as she pointed to a very naked Mikey.

"Mikey," the woman sighed, "did you run out in front of this woman's car?"

"Well, yeah, but I had to get to the other side!" Mikey screeched.

"This so reminds me of a chicken joke but I won't even go there. Ben?" the woman said as she turned to the other male.

The hunky one.

"What have I told you about playing Tarzan or any of your other little, weird sex games out in public with Mr. Novotny?" the woman asked.

"Not to do them in your burg until you were dead and buried," Ben responded while standing at attention in front of the woman.

"And what have I said about you being naked?" the woman continued with her interrogation.

"Only in the privacy of my own home...or in your office," the man stated.

"Take Mr. Novotny, put your clothes on and then see me in my office tomorrow morning," she said as she turned her attention back to the woman on the ground. "Oh and Ben, wear that blue t-shirt," she finished with a leer.

Ben stopped in his forward motion and pouted. "But it's two sizes too small."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

Aida watched as the two men scampered back into the bushes while the woman offered her a hand up. "Your car'll probably be okay. I'll have someone tow it in an hour. For now, I'd like to get you to the hospital, just to make sure you're okay."

"And you are?" Aida asked.

"Sorry. Name's Maria and I'm the mayor around these parts..."

"So...I had no idea that being mayor of a frontwater town could be so lucrative," Aida started.

"Back water," Maria stated.


"Backwater, backwater town. And the pay sucks," Maria snarked.

"I was just looking at the scarf..."

"Yeah, well, let's just say I get money for keeping my mouth shut," she said before she quickly added, "but you didn't hear me say that."

"What do you keep your mouth shut about?"

"Well, if I told you, then I wouldn't be doing the job I was paid quite lucratively for, now would I?" Maria chuckled. "And it keeps me outta the sausage but you didn't hear me say that either."

"We are having a conversation in this car, are we not?" Aida laughed.

"So what are you doing driving through here? Sightseeing?"

Aida sighed before continuing. "I am visiting some American cousins who live in...how do you say it...Philly. I am a clothing designer back home. My clients wish me to design a clothing line for men...for gay men...club wear and I was hoping, while on vacation, to visit Liberty Avenue in Pittsburgh to get some inspiration."

"How ironic that so far the only gay men you've met were butt naked."

"Were those two...you know..."

"Involved?" Maria asked. "Yeah. Funny huh? I suspect brain damage."


"No," Maria scoffed, "Ben."

"Do they...um...always run around naked in the middle of the road?"

"No. It's a...thing with them. They haven't done it in a long time though. Not since all those researchers and their snotty college student interns came out here talking about how they think they found the missing link," Maria finished.

"So, while I'm here, is there anything to see?" Aida asked.

"No. Not really. We had piranha, but we got rid of 'em. Broke Ben's heart. It's a nice town really, just not much to do. Oh! If you have to stay somewhere, only go to the approved hotels and motels. Stay away from the boarding house run by Mel and Linz. If you do end up there, don't drink anything they give you. And for fucksake, if you see someone named Brian, a really gorgeous guy, God's gift and all that, get the fuck outta Dodge. Here we are," Maria said as she drove into the hospital's emergency wing. "Just go through those doors there. I'll make sure the local garage brings your car here before you leave. Okay? Okay. Well I gotta go. They're delivering a plasma screen T.V. the size of my garage door right about now. Toodles," Maria waved as she drove away, Aida looking at the Audi as it disappeared down the road.

Too bad.

Aida thought she actually might liked to have gotten to know the woman.

Even if she was slightly mad.

Entering the lobby of the emergency room, she noticed she wasn't the only person there. Seated on one of the chairs was an elderly man, who appeared to have been beaten quite badly.

"Betsy," the elderly man said as he caught sight of Aida staring at him, "I used the word 'sperm' in front of her. Damn bitch beat me with her cane."

"For using the word 'sperm?'" Aida asked while arching her eyebrows.

"Well how else would I describe the world's largest whale? Damn bitch," the man continued to mutter.

As Aida walked to the front counter to register, she caught a whispered conversation in the corner of the room. Looking over, she tried very hard not to let anyone see her jaw drop as she took in the vision before her.

On the couch were two men, one a young man with corn silk hair and the most perfect complexion she had ever seen. He was beautiful! And next to him was a slightly older man, his dark hair a contrast with the younger man's. He was comforting his companion, holding onto the blond's arm which had an ice pack on it while he rubbed circles onto his back and murmured words of endearment into his ear. He stopped for a second to look up at Aida and she was struck by the man's large, hazel colored eyes.

The word stunning came to mind.

She watched as the two men were called to their room, standing up and leaving the lobby. She held her breath as they walked past her.

These two gods made even the baggy overalls they were wearing (and it appeared nothing else except for their grungy work boots) look better than anything the highest paid runway models in Paris were wearing.

Forget Armani, Prada, Gaultier.

The way these men wore the dungarees, Carhart would be the next name in all the fashion circles.

And if there was one thing Aida knew about, it was fashion.

"Aida? We have a bed for you," the woman smiled while leading her back.

As Aida entered the room, she noticed a curtained off area with two shadows behind the material.

"Sorry, everyone has to share the room. The doctor will be in...soon," she sighed as she walked out of the room.

Aida looked over at the curtained area just to her right. If she blocked all outside sounds from her hearing, she could just make out the whispering she heard on the other side.

"No...come on...no," one of the voices pleaded.

"Justin, it'll be okay. Dr. Dave won't be here for quite a while..."

Aida recognized the sound of the latter's voice as that of the stunning man who had been in the waiting room.

"He could walk in any minute...stop..."

Aida heard the distinct sound of something snapping and dropping to the ground.

"Gotta love easy access clothing," one of the men chuckled, the one who wasn't Justin.

"Sssh," Justin whispered.

"Don't worry, I saw Dr. Dave fucking that new male nurse in the janitor's closet. We're okay."

Aida covered her mouth as she listened to the sounds coming from behind the curtain; sounds the likes of which she only heard coming from the other side of cheap motel room walls.

Long, drawn out moans.

Breathless sighs.

Whimperings that escaped from no doubt, the younger man's throat.

Then she heard a new sound - the distinct sound of something shaking and what sounded like table legs scraping against the floor. She knew better but she couldn't resist. Pulling back the curtain, Aida's mind drew a blank as she witnessed the scene before her.

The two men were naked, their overalls both down around their ankles. The older and taller of the two men had the blond man bent over the table, fucking the youth with all he had.



It was beautiful.

And hot!

Suddenly the taller of the two men looked up and stared directly at Aida. "State of American Health Care, huh?" he panted. "No privacy...pull the...fucking..." he stressed as he hit a certain spot within the younger man that caused him to cry out, "curtain back..."

And with that Aida did, listening all the while as the two men drew closer to their mutual release, ideas swimming around in the head of the fashion designer from France.

Men's clubwear.


Easy access.

Why not? This little idea would, if marketed right, could make her quite the talk of her high status world.

Yes, images of male models, baggy overalls and big work boots slinking down the catwalks suddenly started making Aida more excited than she had been in a long time.

Of course, the sounds of the men fucking only a few feet away from her helped.

And with that final thought she heard the unmistakable sound of a loud moan and grunt followed by the sound of Justin, (was that his name?) yelling his completion, the name 'Brian' being shouted out to all the heavens.


And with that, Aida hoped the doctor came back soon.

Apparently it was time for her to get the fuck out of Dodge.

The End

P.S. *points to icon I made* Does anyone know what late 80's movie that's from? If you know this one, you can request whatever! :)
Current Mood: awakeawake
rosy5000: BJ French Kissrosy5000 on October 13th, 2008 06:28 pm (UTC)
("Oh God! It is the monkey I hit!")

ROTFLMAO!!!! OMG! That has to be my favorite line! lol But the whole thing with Ben, Mikey, and Maria is just too darn funny!!!

Lucky Aida, being put in the same hospital room with Brian and Justin. heheeh

Hey... if the meat business ever starts failing, all they need to do is sell tickets to watch Brian and Justin. They'd make a fortune! :D
Maria: BJ Sex Take 2slave_o_spike on October 14th, 2008 12:59 am (UTC)
Yeah, well, Maria had to make an appearance. She can't just let Ben and Mikey run around naked.

Well...okay...I could let Ben run around naked. But Mikey? *shivers*

Health care would be vastly improved if Brian and Justin were allowed to fuck in the next room. :)

Well they could sell tickets - to pervs like us! LOL! Actually...there are a hell alot of us out there come to think about it...

Thanks Rosy!!!!
Doriantdorian on October 13th, 2008 07:14 pm (UTC)
THANK YOU MARIA !!!!! You made my day.And for real I've started drawing some overalls for our summer collection .You really are a visionnary my dear Maria ! lol Once again, you fulfilled my fantasy.*WINK*Aida
Maria: cannibal Justin (Veal)slave_o_spike on October 14th, 2008 12:57 am (UTC)
I would love to see how that overall line goes! *g*


Glad you could meet the mayor too...she's a crazy one.

snow_white79: woodyssnow_white79 on October 13th, 2008 11:26 pm (UTC)
(giggling madly) that was great LOL
Maria: cannibal Brian - Meat Procurerslave_o_spike on October 14th, 2008 12:55 am (UTC)
Tee hee heee!!!

Thank you! *hugs*
critic75: GREEN - WHITE PARTY BOUQUETcritic75 on October 14th, 2008 12:31 am (UTC)
*oooooooooh* I LOVED this chapter. Hot! Funny! Interesting! You are really on a roll. DAMN shame it got lost in the crowd. Maybe a repost with just the banner and the story? With no qualifiers.
The scene with the monkey was hilarious. Best monkey impression, ever. And, Aida listening to the hot sex a curtain away? Inspiring.

Gotta warm up my printer now.

*throws roses at feet of the author*
Maria: cannibal Dan and Ronslave_o_spike on October 14th, 2008 12:55 am (UTC)
No...Dan and Ron are on a roll...:P

Maybe I'll just post to the BJ fic comm. I wish the crack fic comm was still up and running - I'd always post there. :)

Aida is actually designing a summer line of overalls. LOL!

I changed fashion!!!!

Thanks JJ! *kisses you*
singlewoman: sex faces by url_girlsinglewoman on October 14th, 2008 12:43 am (UTC)
LOVED THIS!!! Monkey Mikey cracks me up. But I think that healthcare in this country would be greatly helped if we could watch Brian and Justin fuck.

Can't wait for our next excursion Madame Mayor!
Maria: cannibal Dan and Ronslave_o_spike on October 14th, 2008 12:52 am (UTC)
I am so bad to Mikey. :P

Yes! I think had I been in a hospital room that day with Alex where Brian and Justin were fucking...


Okay, now I got distracted and can't remember my train of thought...

As mayor of this time, I shall see what I can do. :) Thanks hon!!!
Lisa: N/Brian/eyesbrianswalk on October 14th, 2008 01:10 am (UTC)
Poor Mikey. I see you haven't stopped torturing him! This was quite fun, Maria. And very hot!
Lol, loved the last three lines!

And I think the icon was from Near Dark?
Maria: pic#80532192slave_o_spike on October 14th, 2008 01:19 am (UTC)
I'm terrible to him in my crack fics - and always will be. Can't help it - it's just too much fun. :)

LOL! Yeah - the last 3 lines say it all about that town. He may be gorgeous but for fucks sake, get the hell outta there! :)

*ding ding ding*

Yep - that is Bill Paxton from Near Dark. So what would you like me to write?

BTW, thank you!!!!
Lisa: N/Brian/walking w/coffee//REDbrianswalk on October 14th, 2008 01:36 am (UTC)
Yay, me! I couldn't stand that movie, but I love Bill Paxton!
Wow, I've never been in this position before. Can I take you to your past? What are the chances of Brian, William the Bloody, and/or Angelus? Snarky and fun?

My second choice would be something ummm... Brian & Debbie or Brian & Ted(but not idiot Ted, I like him!)

Thanks, Maria!
Mariaslave_o_spike on October 14th, 2008 01:59 am (UTC)
I think I can handle Angelus, William and Brian. (Oh lordy!) Angelus is leather, William in a blood red silk shirt

I can even throw in a canon Ted.

Would you prefer Brian or William to be the meat in a spit roast?
Lisa: H/Gale/ROFLMAO/anim/Outtakesbrianswalk on October 14th, 2008 02:08 am (UTC)
A spit roast? Ummm...

If it refers to sex, I trust your judgment.

If you're actually going to put one of them on a spit and roast them, well, William wouldn't last too long would he?

Angelus is leather
Lol, I had a mental flash of the three of them buying leather pants at the same time. "Do these make me look hippy?"
Mariaslave_o_spike on October 14th, 2008 02:20 am (UTC)
LOL! Not an actual spit roast. This isn't the cannibal verse! :P Silly...

I meant sexual wise.

And yes, I could totally see them all buying leather.

Angelus: Does this make my ass look fat?
William: No. Your fat arse makes you look fat ya bloody pillock.
Brian: If I wanted to shop with fucking drama queens, I would have called Emmett.
Lisa: H/Gale/ROFLMAO/anim/Outtakesbrianswalk on October 14th, 2008 02:26 am (UTC)
LOL! Not an actual spit roast. This isn't the cannibal verse! :P Silly...

Well! One never knows with you...

Angelus: Does this make my ass look fat?
William: No. Your fat arse makes you look fat ya bloody pillock.
Brian: If I wanted to shop with fucking drama queens, I would have called Emmett.

Mariaproud2bbkjt on October 14th, 2008 01:40 am (UTC)
I would pay them to be in the same room ...with B/J ....Later
Maria: BJ Guh Showerslave_o_spike on October 14th, 2008 02:00 am (UTC)
LOL! Me too!



Just thinking about that makes my brain melt. :)

Thank you!
mdlawmdlaw on October 14th, 2008 03:25 am (UTC)
Hehehehe m :)
Maria: cannibal Justin (Veal)slave_o_spike on October 15th, 2008 12:53 am (UTC)
LOL! Thanks!
liriel1810 on October 14th, 2008 05:38 am (UTC)
yet another 'drive by' comment. *g* Guess what came today! *bounces* Happy birthday to me...

If I'm not around, you know why! *g*
Maria: Orli - slave_o_spikeslave_o_spike on October 15th, 2008 12:53 am (UTC)

I can't wait to fins out what you think!!!!
1islandinthesea: GALE b&white sofa by melzy1islandinthesea on November 4th, 2008 01:45 pm (UTC)
""Mikey," the woman sighed, "did you run out in front of this woman's car?"

"Well, yeah, but I had to get to the other side!" Mikey screeched.""

I laughed! I actually laughed for the first time since Gale's accident! You rule, Maria. I just got home from voting *puts on old lady voice* I walked two miles in the freezing cold while recovering from bronchitis, and when I got home I decided to find this and read.

Oh, how I would love to get this to Hal Sparks after that interview he gave about two months ago. Well, I'm going back to L.A. in two weeks, so maybe I'll tuck it in my purse in case I happen to see dear Hal. j/k not

Cannibal!verse is the BEST crack fic ever. I am waiting to see what happens to Ethan (an exterminator? He does have a chin rat. Brian could set out traps and later tell Justin it was an accident). Justin is recovering his memory, right? Maybe I missed a chapter. Need to go back.

Sorry for the ramble. Out of my head with stress. Just wanted you to know how appreciated you are. Thank you for continuing this.

Maria: cannibal Justin - The New Face of Vealslave_o_spike on November 12th, 2008 03:27 am (UTC)
That would be me taking the piss outta Mikey yet again. :)

Well, I walked five miles in the snow when I was a kid to get to school...

...No wait. I grew up in Southern California. :)

I don't know about this interview of which you speak. Did he say yet another bone-headed thing? The man shouldn't be allowed to say anything. LOL!

You're welcome and THANK YOU for the lovely fb as always. :)
Kristin: Moon by RSKtxrabbit on November 23rd, 2008 10:49 pm (UTC)
The icon is from Near Dark.

I adored that cracky, vampire flick!
Maria: Severen - Near Darkslave_o_spike on November 23rd, 2008 11:29 pm (UTC)
Oh how I loved that movie.

I hates them when they haven't been shaved.

Who ordered pizza..