So this is sort of canon.
Except for the gang being cannibals...
Title: "Stranger in a Strange Land"
Pairing: Brian/Justin, Ben/Michael (implied)
Summary: A snippet from the cannibal verse. A French woman, driving through on her way to the Pitts, meets some of the characters from the story.
Disclaimer: I am not Cowlip and I don't own the boys. I don't however, have to disclaim anything the mayor says. :P
No lj friend was harmed in any way in the writing of this story...
Aida had been driving peacefully down the quiet back road that led her out of Philadelphia and into Pittsburgh when it happened.
A big, hairy monkey ran out in front of her car and she had to swerve to miss hitting the damn thing.
Having driven her car so far to the right, the vehicle spun out of control and landed in a ditch, her head hitting the windshield with a loud smack.
That last thing she remembered before everything went black was what the fuck was a monkey doing out in the middle of nowhere.
Waking up slowly and all too aware of a massive splitting headache bombarding her skull, Aida wondered if she had died and gone to heaven because surely only heaven was filled with gorgeous naked men such as the one above her who was leaning over her, kissing her quite soundly.
"Oh good, she's awake," the angel said.
Just then another face appeared before her.
"Oh mon Dieu! C'est le singe que j'ai renversé!"
("Oh God! It is the monkey I hit!")
"She must've hit her head pretty bad Ben!" the monkey said. "She's talking really weird."
It took a moment for Aida to realize that she was indeed not in heaven, that the huge naked man was not an angel and that the monkey spoke English.
"Idiot! I am not talking weird. I am speaking French!"
"French?" the monkey said while he furrowed his brows. "What country's that from?"
"That would be France Mikey," Ben clarified.
"Well it's not Columbia! Why did you run out in front of the road?" Aida asked angrily as she sat up too suddenly. "And why are you both naked?"
Just as the man named Ben was about to explain, a black Audi drove up to the side of the road. A woman wearing a beautiful Burberry scarf in a crimson red atop a fisherman's pullover exited the car.
She would have sold her soul for that pullover.
"Is there a problem here?" the woman asked as she walked up to the trio. "Ben? Mikey?" The woman heaved a heavy sigh while massaging between her brows. "And who are you?" she said as she looked down at Aida.
"My name is Aida. I am driving through to Pittsburgh when I had to swerve the car before I hit this mon...man!" Aida stated as she pointed to a very naked Mikey.
"Mikey," the woman sighed, "did you run out in front of this woman's car?"
"Well, yeah, but I had to get to the other side!" Mikey screeched.
"This so reminds me of a chicken joke but I won't even go there. Ben?" the woman said as she turned to the other male.
The hunky one.
"What have I told you about playing Tarzan or any of your other little, weird sex games out in public with Mr. Novotny?" the woman asked.
"Not to do them in your burg until you were dead and buried," Ben responded while standing at attention in front of the woman.
"And what have I said about you being naked?" the woman continued with her interrogation.
"Only in the privacy of my own home...or in your office," the man stated.
"Take Mr. Novotny, put your clothes on and then see me in my office tomorrow morning," she said as she turned her attention back to the woman on the ground. "Oh and Ben, wear that blue t-shirt," she finished with a leer.
Ben stopped in his forward motion and pouted. "But it's two sizes too small."
"Really? I hadn't noticed."
Aida watched as the two men scampered back into the bushes while the woman offered her a hand up. "Your car'll probably be okay. I'll have someone tow it in an hour. For now, I'd like to get you to the hospital, just to make sure you're okay."
"And you are?" Aida asked.
"Sorry. Name's Maria and I'm the mayor around these parts..."
"So...I had no idea that being mayor of a frontwater town could be so lucrative," Aida started.
"Back water," Maria stated.
"Backwater, backwater town. And the pay sucks," Maria snarked.
"I was just looking at the scarf..."
"Yeah, well, let's just say I get money for keeping my mouth shut," she said before she quickly added, "but you didn't hear me say that."
"What do you keep your mouth shut about?"
"Well, if I told you, then I wouldn't be doing the job I was paid quite lucratively for, now would I?" Maria chuckled. "And it keeps me outta the sausage but you didn't hear me say that either."
"We are having a conversation in this car, are we not?" Aida laughed.
"So what are you doing driving through here? Sightseeing?"
Aida sighed before continuing. "I am visiting some American cousins who live in...how do you say it...Philly. I am a clothing designer back home. My clients wish me to design a clothing line for men...for gay men...club wear and I was hoping, while on vacation, to visit Liberty Avenue in Pittsburgh to get some inspiration."
"How ironic that so far the only gay men you've met were butt naked."
"Were those two...you know..."
"Involved?" Maria asked. "Yeah. Funny huh? I suspect brain damage."
"No," Maria scoffed, "Ben."
"Do they...um...always run around naked in the middle of the road?"
"No. It's a...thing with them. They haven't done it in a long time though. Not since all those researchers and their snotty college student interns came out here talking about how they think they found the missing link," Maria finished.
"So, while I'm here, is there anything to see?" Aida asked.
"No. Not really. We had piranha, but we got rid of 'em. Broke Ben's heart. It's a nice town really, just not much to do. Oh! If you have to stay somewhere, only go to the approved hotels and motels. Stay away from the boarding house run by Mel and Linz. If you do end up there, don't drink anything they give you. And for fucksake, if you see someone named Brian, a really gorgeous guy, God's gift and all that, get the fuck outta Dodge. Here we are," Maria said as she drove into the hospital's emergency wing. "Just go through those doors there. I'll make sure the local garage brings your car here before you leave. Okay? Okay. Well I gotta go. They're delivering a plasma screen T.V. the size of my garage door right about now. Toodles," Maria waved as she drove away, Aida looking at the Audi as it disappeared down the road.
Aida thought she actually might liked to have gotten to know the woman.
Even if she was slightly mad.
Entering the lobby of the emergency room, she noticed she wasn't the only person there. Seated on one of the chairs was an elderly man, who appeared to have been beaten quite badly.
"Betsy," the elderly man said as he caught sight of Aida staring at him, "I used the word 'sperm' in front of her. Damn bitch beat me with her cane."
"For using the word 'sperm?'" Aida asked while arching her eyebrows.
"Well how else would I describe the world's largest whale? Damn bitch," the man continued to mutter.
As Aida walked to the front counter to register, she caught a whispered conversation in the corner of the room. Looking over, she tried very hard not to let anyone see her jaw drop as she took in the vision before her.
On the couch were two men, one a young man with corn silk hair and the most perfect complexion she had ever seen. He was beautiful! And next to him was a slightly older man, his dark hair a contrast with the younger man's. He was comforting his companion, holding onto the blond's arm which had an ice pack on it while he rubbed circles onto his back and murmured words of endearment into his ear. He stopped for a second to look up at Aida and she was struck by the man's large, hazel colored eyes.
The word stunning came to mind.
She watched as the two men were called to their room, standing up and leaving the lobby. She held her breath as they walked past her.
These two gods made even the baggy overalls they were wearing (and it appeared nothing else except for their grungy work boots) look better than anything the highest paid runway models in Paris were wearing.
Forget Armani, Prada, Gaultier.
The way these men wore the dungarees, Carhart would be the next name in all the fashion circles.
And if there was one thing Aida knew about, it was fashion.
"Aida? We have a bed for you," the woman smiled while leading her back.
As Aida entered the room, she noticed a curtained off area with two shadows behind the material.
"Sorry, everyone has to share the room. The doctor will be in...soon," she sighed as she walked out of the room.
Aida looked over at the curtained area just to her right. If she blocked all outside sounds from her hearing, she could just make out the whispering she heard on the other side.
"No...come on...no," one of the voices pleaded.
"Justin, it'll be okay. Dr. Dave won't be here for quite a while..."
Aida recognized the sound of the latter's voice as that of the stunning man who had been in the waiting room.
"He could walk in any minute...stop..."
Aida heard the distinct sound of something snapping and dropping to the ground.
"Gotta love easy access clothing," one of the men chuckled, the one who wasn't Justin.
"Sssh," Justin whispered.
"Don't worry, I saw Dr. Dave fucking that new male nurse in the janitor's closet. We're okay."
Aida covered her mouth as she listened to the sounds coming from behind the curtain; sounds the likes of which she only heard coming from the other side of cheap motel room walls.
Long, drawn out moans.
Whimperings that escaped from no doubt, the younger man's throat.
Then she heard a new sound - the distinct sound of something shaking and what sounded like table legs scraping against the floor. She knew better but she couldn't resist. Pulling back the curtain, Aida's mind drew a blank as she witnessed the scene before her.
The two men were naked, their overalls both down around their ankles. The older and taller of the two men had the blond man bent over the table, fucking the youth with all he had.
It was beautiful.
Suddenly the taller of the two men looked up and stared directly at Aida. "State of American Health Care, huh?" he panted. "No privacy...pull the...fucking..." he stressed as he hit a certain spot within the younger man that caused him to cry out, "curtain back..."
And with that Aida did, listening all the while as the two men drew closer to their mutual release, ideas swimming around in the head of the fashion designer from France.
Why not? This little idea would, if marketed right, could make her quite the talk of her high status world.
Yes, images of male models, baggy overalls and big work boots slinking down the catwalks suddenly started making Aida more excited than she had been in a long time.
Of course, the sounds of the men fucking only a few feet away from her helped.
And with that final thought she heard the unmistakable sound of a loud moan and grunt followed by the sound of Justin, (was that his name?) yelling his completion, the name 'Brian' being shouted out to all the heavens.
And with that, Aida hoped the doctor came back soon.
Apparently it was time for her to get the fuck out of Dodge.
P.S. *points to icon I made* Does anyone know what late 80's movie that's from? If you know this one, you can request whatever! :)