This really disturbs me.
Anyways, here it is:
Title: Ma? Can I Keep Him?
Rating: Shit - as if I know.
Pairing: B/J; implied Ethan/Justin
Summary: It's a cannibal crack!fic. Okay? Debbie is the Sweeney Todd type who lives in some backwater town with her son Mikey and her adopted son, Brian. They make sausages out of tourists and whatnots. Justin and Ethan happen to be passing through.
Disclaimers: I don't own Cowlip or the boys. I also don't know where Jimmy Hoffa is and I don't know the location of any WMDs.
Warnings: It's a cannibal fic. Actually though, there's nothing gross or squicky, just clean ole cannibal fun.
I posted this last night over at qaf_bunnies because jillapet requested crack!fic of any kind.
No, no one requested a cannibal fic - no one is as deranged as me (maybe this should have gone under 'Disclaimers?')
Brian sat on the porch swing in front of the old house swinging back and forth listening to the faint sounds on the tv set coming from the living room. The nights were getting warmer now that summer was near. He ran down the checklist in his head as he swung back and forth. All the traps were set to the best of his recollection.
Just then, Mikey popped his head out the screen door.
"Hey Brian! Ma wants to make sure you set all the traps before you went out."
"Yes, Mikey," Brian intoned. "They're all set. Like I would go out hunting before I set them," Brian said.
"Did you set out the dead cow? Ma says that the cow always gets them," Mikey said excitedly.
Brian laughed to himself when he thought of the words 'Ma' and 'cow' in the same sentence.
"Yes, Mikey, I set out the cow." And was that a bitch to get out there too. He really needed to start recruiting some competent help.
"How 'bout the chain? That one's my favorite, Brian. I love the chain!" Mikey said deliriously.
"Yes, the chain's out." That one really made life much more simpler for Brian.
"Hey, Brian - before you go out, you wanna...."
"You wanna play a new game I learned from Ranger Ben?"
Brian laughed to himself. He really had to have a talk with Ben about taking advantage of the mentally challenged. "No Mikey, I don't wanna play any game you learned from ole Ranger Ben."
"Aw, but Brian, it's really fun! It's called 'Hide the...'"
"Michael! Michael! Get your fucking ass in this house! Let Brian do his work," demanded Debbie standing at the screen door.
Brian was never as happy to see Debbie as he was now.
In the distance, a motorcycle motor could be heard. Then the pop of a tire and skidding. Then there was the unmistakable sound of crashing metal.
Brian really loved the chains.
"Well, well, well. Looks like Brian caught a little rabbit in one of his traps," Debbie said while snapping her gum and smiling. "Best go see what you got baby. Mikey, get in the house. Your 'Spiderman' cartoons are on now. Let Brian do his work."
Mikey turned around sulking as he walked into the house. "Aw, but Maaaa. I was playing with Briiiaaan."
Brian thought that Mikey's whine would be the death of him someday.
He just hoped when he did die, he wouldn't be part of the sausage.
Go to Chapter 2
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