Maria (slave_o_spike) wrote,

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House MD/QaF Cannibal!verse crossover - a few drabbles

Yep. Here is my QaF Cannibal!verse crossover with House MD.

Because of my short attention span lately, these are a series of drabbles but not really as some are under 100 words and some are over.

And since these involve a doctor who always thinks outside the box, I can make my drabbles however long I want to.


Title: House and Co take a road trip
Pairings: Brian/Justin/Chase; implied House/Wilson/Chase and Chase/Foreman
Rating: R?
Summary: House, Chase, Cameron, Cuddy and Wilson take Foreman's new BMW on a road trip through Pennsylvania and meet up with everyone's favorite cannibal family.

Disclaimer: I own Cowlip and Queer as Folk and the Fox network and House. I am also Napoleon. And Spartacus. I was indeed the third shooter on the grassy knoll.

See? Completely stark raving mad...And you can't sue crazy people...

Here is a pic of the House MD cast, going clockwise starting from the top:

Foreman, Wilson, Cameron, House, Chase and Cuddy.


"Vic," Wilson sighed while putting a well placed hand on the older man's shoulder, "you're dying."

"I know that you idiot!" Vic exclaimed indignantly.

"Sorry," the oncologist murmured, "habit..."

"So here's the deal," Brian started in his bargaining-voice mode, "you let me make the blonde Brit..."

"Australian," Chase glowered.

"You let me make him the meat in a sandwich..."

"I hope you meant that metaphorically, and not literally," Chase mumbled.

"Like I said, before I was so rudely interrupted," Brian snapped with a glare in Chase's direction, "you let me and Justin play with the good doctor, and if the sex is good, we'll let all of you go."

"So, wait," Cuddy interjects incredulously , "all our lives are resting on Chase's sexual prowess?!"

"Actually, we should be okay," Wilson smiled widely while nudging House in the ribs, delighting in the knowledge about their secret threesomes.

"Yeah," House nods assuredly at the same time as Foreman tries to hide his own devilish smirk.

"Hey...wait," House looks accusingly in Foreman's direction while the other gives him the exact same look.

"CHASE!!!!" Foreman and House yell at the same time.

"So let me get this straight. Another one of the conditions of us getting out of here alive is that we don't let your little twinkie know that you guys are cannibals?!" House asked incredulously. "How long has he been living here with you?"

"A few months," Brian shrugged.

"But we figured out what you were in the first five minutes," Cameron exclaimed, a perplexed look on her face.

"Yeah, but you guys have PhDs and...stuff...and well, Justin's goes to art school..."

"'Nuff said," House nodded.

"So explain to me why again I have to wear these hideous things?" Chase asked disgustedly as he looked down at the white denim overalls he had donned.

"Because you were careless with your own clothes," Brian started.

"After you and your little playmate bloody ripped them off me mate!" Chase exclaimed.

"And we can't let you run around the homestead naked so these will have to do."

"But why can't I have a bloody shirt to wear under these things...or underwear," he said more quietly. Chase grumbled as he once again pulled the seat of the offending denim clothing away thereby preventing another wedgie. It was bad enough he was still sore from the fucking he received from Justin.

"Ooh, Crocodile Dungaree!" House smirked. Pulling the bib away from Chase's torso, House looked down. "Hey, you aren't wearing any...Wilson!!! Easy access!!!!"

"So differential diagnosis team," House queried as he started to write on the white kitchen wall in indelible ink while all of his ducklings, Wilson and Cuddy were huddled around, Debbie muttering in the background, "that better be washable."

"Well, I think I can take Brian...and Chase can take on the monkey," Foreman started.

"No, no!" House tsked. "I meant Ted!"

"Oh God. House!! This is no time to try and solve another one of your goddamned puzzles!" Wilson exclaimed.

"The man is clearly delusional!" House continued without missing a beat. "He thinks he sees aliens! Remember that kid...uh, uh...Clarence?"

"Clancy," Cameron corrected.

"You think it's a dead twin somewhere inside him?" Chase asked.

"No, I don't think so..."

"So what, brain tumor?" Wilson suggested.

"Maybe it's..."

"So help me Foreman, if you say Lupus I'll personally make sure they make sausage out of you!" House replied angrily.

"Well we won't know without an MRI," Cuddy sat back.

"Or a brain biopsy," Chase called out.

"Brain biopsy...hmmm," House considered. "Hey! Brandon!" House called.

"Brian," Brian corrected. "What?"

"You have a power drill? We wanna biopsy a piece of Ted's brain. See what's wrong with him," House stated matter-of-factly.

"You want to drill a Ted's head," Brian repeated.

"Yeah, that's what I just said. There an echo in here?"

Brian considered for a moment. "I'll go get the drill."

"Brian!" Debbie screeched as she slapped Brian upside the head. "You can't let them just go drilling into Ted's head. What kind of damage could that cause?"

"Seriously Deb, do you think anyone would notice?"

Debbie had nothing to say to that and let Brian go get the drill.

And that's that folks.

So I'm hoping this gets my creative juices flowing again. I've just been bogged down with so many different things lately that I haven't been able to concentrate on writing so I needed to give myself a kick start.

Hope you enjoyed even if you're not into the tv show. :)
Tags: cannibal fic, house fic

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