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15 September 2009 @ 04:30 pm
Brian/Justin standalone "And now, here, at the end of it all"  
Here's that zombie fic I promised.

I'm just on one of those horror kicks. And no, this is not crack.

It's angst. Like to the power of 10.

Title: And now, here, at the end of it all
Pairing: Brian/Justin (natch)
Summary: Based on the movie Dawn of the Dead. What would be the one thing the great Mr. Brian Kinney would regret the most when faced with his own mortality?
Rating: R
Warnings: It's a zombie fic - character death
Timeline: Between Season 4 and season 5

Disclaimer: I do not own the boys. Cowlip does. I do not own the idea of the flesh eating zombies from the Dead movies that can be taken down with one shot to the head. George Romero does and oh how we love him for that. :P

Brian wondered, now at this moment in time, and no doubt soon to be his final moment in time, when the first time was that he could have honestly told Justin that he loved him.

He could have told him right after that amazing dance they had shared at Justin's prom. After all, that was when he first knew for sure.

He knew and had almost wanted to shout it out to a skipping Justin, happily swinging back and forth as he walked out of the garage. And then Chris Hobbs had taken that moment away from him in an instant.

Not that it mattered.

He wouldn't have said it anyway. He had been rooted to the spot between that moment in time before Hobbs had swung that stupid bat and the moment where he had kissed Justin. Words might have come out of his mouth had he opened it, but it wouldn't have been 'I love you.'

But would things have turned out better had he held onto the scarf wrapped around his young lover's neck, leaned in and had whispered, "I love you?"

He could have even added "twat" to the end of the sentence to make sure Justin knew it was really him.

But he hadn't then. And he hadn't yet again when Justin had been discharged from the hospital.

Brian looked out the window of the loft.

What had been the tag line of that 1977 Romero classic, Dawn of the Dead?

Oh yeah.

When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.

Well, hell may not have been too crowded in the late 70's, but it must have been overflowing as of the past week because that was what the streets were packed with now.

The walking dead.

And the dead had not just been satisfied with the lot that had already been dead to start with, but adding to their masses. Out of the humans left the flesh-eating monsters had not torn to pieces to devour, there were the once living which had been turned.

A bite was all it took.

Brian hoped there was still a small part of the world somewhere where people weren't fighting for their very survival against the zombie hordes that walked the earth today.

He somehow doubted it though. The news, when it had been broadcasting, had reported outbreaks everywhere. No living soul was safe.

Looking over at the bedroom, he recalled some of the events that had transpired only since yesterday. Everyone he had once known, either dead or...worse.

"Brian!" Justin rushed out frantically.

"Justin! Oh God. You're okay." Brian had ran his hands up and down the young man's arms to make sure he was real.

"Debbie. Oh God, did you see what they did to Debbie?" the young man cried.

"And Michael! I can't believe Ben had to...had to..."

Brian leaned his head against the wall when he remembered what Ben had had to do to Michael.

One shot to the head.

Michael went down. Well, the thing that had been Mikey had gone down.

Of course, Ben couldn't just have shot Michael and then run for his life. He had taken a moment, a fraction of one really, to take in fully what he had just done. That was when a small mob had overtaken him. He had yelled to Brian and Justin to run, which Brian had done, dragging Justin behind him of course.

But they had still managed to look back once at Ben, before the zombies had torn him limb from limb, the whole time Ben cursing the ghouls with the disease that had plagued him while he had lived.

Turning to look out the window again, Brian thought back to when the next time he could have told Justin he loved him. He remembered when he had made love to him, that first time after the bashing. He would have meant it sincerely then too, had he been able to utter the words.

If not that time, he could have told him while dancing in the streets after Pride.

Or that morning when he had gotten out of jail because Mikey (don't think about Mikey) had a big mouth and Brian knew, he just knew, that Justin had taken the money for college because that asshole Sap had tried something.

"I love you," he could have said as he grabbed onto the lad for dear life, grateful that he wasn't any worse for wear after one of Sap's little 'parties.'

But he hadn't then either and things had gone to shit after that what with the birthday party and the fiddler..

Brian peeked around the wall and looked at a sleeping Justin on the bed.

"We got away. Holy shit! I can't believe we got away. But Ted...oh God..."

"Don't think about that. Shit!" Brian panted, "I was so fucking worried when I couldn't see you..."

"I'm okay Brian. We're okay," Justin soothed as he walked over to Brian and wrapped his arms around his neck.

"Justin, what is that?"

He could have said it when he got Justin back. When he had him in the loft all those numerous times during and after the Stockwell fiasco.

He could have told him when Justin didn't take off after Brian's financial ruin.

Or when he had stuck by him while he set up Kinnetik.

"I love you."

So simple.

He could have shouted it out when he had been drunk at Babylon, when he was high at the loft. He could have whispered it to him in his sleep.

He could have done it when he was going through his cancer scare. Claimed he wasn't in his right mind afterward.

But Justin would have known.

"What Brian? What's what?" Justin asked, his voice shaking.

"That," Brian said, as he pointed to the nasty scratch on Justin's arm, his sleeve torn revealing the wound in all its gruesome glory.

"Oh that? Just a scratch," Justin replied while swallowing.

"Justin," Brian said, a little more worried.

"Just a scratch Brian."

"Maybe we can clean it," a ray of hope sounding in Brian's voice.

Brian had poured every bottle of alcohol and hydrogen peroxide he had over the flesh wound.

When Justin was there, after that stupid bike ride, he could have fallen into his arms and said it then.

"I love you."

It would have been quite dramatic. A lesbian moment if ever there was one.

But now...

Brian turned slowly around when he heard the thump coming from the bedroom.

And then another.

Sweat broke out upon his brow as he listened to the floorboards squeak as the sock clad body made its way out of the bedroom.

Justin was awake.

Well, whatever it was that had once been Justin anyway.

Because, Brian thought, this was in no way, shape or form the young man he had been remembering. The young man who had pursued Brian without a care in the world, who wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted. Who didn't back down from anything.

Who had made Brian a better man, in spite of himself.

Not that it seemed to matter anymore.

"I love you."

Brian had picked that moment, as he stared at the thing standing before him, to utter those three little words. They sounded flat and hollow, and echoed back to him in the room devoid of any warmth, of any signs of life.

And it had fallen on deaf ears.

He finally said it. He had finally found the ability to open his mouth and say the words.

And it didn't fucking matter.

Raising the gun, a 9mm automatic Brian had taken off a dead body back in the diner, he took careful aim.

He only had two bullets left. The news had reported, back when the news had still been able to report, that it would only take one shot to the brain and the zombie would drop dead, real dead, not walking dead.

Brian fired the gun.

Despite the fact that he had not much practice in firing weapons, he was pleased that his speedy lessons, lessons learned on the field in the past few days, had stilled his hand so he could make the shot.

Right between the eyes.

The thing that had been Justin dropped to the ground.

There was one bullet left.

Brian slumped down in the corner, rocking back and forth, convincing himself the thing he had just killed was not the same man he had once loved.

It wouldn't be long now. He couldn't hold up here forever. He remembered sadly how Justin had complained quite a few times that they never kept enough food around to eat.

And during any of of those times, Brian could have grabbed the young man by his face, held him close and said those three little words, while of course making fun of his bottomless stomach.

And it may have seemed like a stupid thing to regret now, here, at the end of it all, but it was the one and only thing that was on his mind, the only thing that his mind could process.

That and the fact that there was still one bullet left and the barrel of the gun felt so cool against his temple.

The one thing he could never regret was that he was a damn good shot.


Feedback is welcome

*runs and hides*

Current Mood: listlesslistless
april hope: bj bwchawouldbedorothy on September 16th, 2009 12:09 am (UTC)
oh my... i... holy crap...

i think i hate you lol... but also, bowing down...

ouuuuuuuuch :(
Maria: B/J cha cha chaslave_o_spike on September 16th, 2009 01:33 am (UTC)
Holy crap indeed. LOL!

Yeah, that was why I ran and hid. :P

Although, I like the bowing down. Thank you...um...I think. :D
jirachinessjirachiness on September 16th, 2009 12:16 am (UTC)
Shakes head... For the past few days, I have been dreaming of zombies trying to eat me. Then you post this! Did I ever tell you that I love your stories. Poor Brian...

When will the next update for Justin's baby be?
Maria: BJ - 314 is loveslave_o_spike on September 16th, 2009 01:32 am (UTC)
That is so frickin weird! I did not climb into your dreams, seriously. LOL!

Jb should be coming soon (crosses fingers) and I think you told me once or twice. LOL! Thank you!!!!
charlie_jaecharlie_jae on September 16th, 2009 12:47 am (UTC)
Holy shit... okay I probably shouldn't have read that one before bed. Not only was it dark and twisted but you got them spot on.

Maria: B/J cha cha chaslave_o_spike on September 16th, 2009 01:31 am (UTC)
Yeah...when I'm in a horror story mood, don't read anything by me before you go to bed. Seriously. LOL!

I love getting them spot on, even when its in something like this. :) Thank you hon!!!! *smooches*
1islandinthesea: Brian Profile1islandinthesea on September 16th, 2009 01:21 am (UTC)
I wasn't supposed to laugh about Mikey, was I? oops. What happened to Auntie Em??? (Notice I didn't ask about the girls).

I miss the cannibals. And Justin's baby.

But I get what you did here with the many times Brian could have told the little shit he loved him.

Crack fic is the only type I'll read, with the exception of your writing.


Maria: B/J ILUslave_o_spike on September 16th, 2009 01:30 am (UTC)
Crack is the only thing you'll read unless it's by me? Wow! *blushes*

Thank you!

Cowlip gave us 5 years of skirting around the ILU issue. I put down what would have happened if the bomb had gone off and Justin was in the crossfire. :P

JB and cannibals coming. I've been mucho busy.
Lisa: M/B/J hug/B&W/Somberbrianswalk on September 16th, 2009 01:24 am (UTC)
Wow, you killed Teddy? But, but, but...

Very good, Maria. I liked it muchly!
Maria: BJ cuddleslave_o_spike on September 16th, 2009 01:29 am (UTC)
Yes, but I didn't go into detail about Teddy's death. LOL!

It would have been much too gory. :P


Thank you! I somehow knew you would. :) *hugs you*
rosy5000: BJ on bedrosy5000 on September 16th, 2009 01:34 am (UTC)
How can you take something that's totally out of the realm of possibilities to actually happen in QAF and still get me all choked up?

I felt bad for Ben and Ted... and the zombies when they got Michael. *evil grins* But Brian thinking about how many times he could have said "I love you" and finally saying it right before killing zombie!Justin... yep, I cried. :P lol
Maria: B/J ILUslave_o_spike on September 16th, 2009 02:18 am (UTC)
I don't know how I can - I just sometimes get an idea and run with it to wherever it may take me. :)

You cried? Really. Now I'm all choked up. *blushes* But that was what I was ultimately aiming for. The utter and complete sense of loss. Real regret.

Thank you Rosy. *hugs*
mdlawmdlaw on September 16th, 2009 01:34 am (UTC)
OH.... that was strangely beautiful. m :O
Maria: B/J cha cha chaslave_o_spike on September 16th, 2009 02:16 am (UTC)
Why thank you. I couldn't have hoped for more perfect fb than that. :) *hugs*
darla_isabelledarla_isabelle on September 16th, 2009 08:02 am (UTC)

How can you make something so out there feel so real in so few words? You made me cry. Beautiful.

Maria: B/J ILUslave_o_spike on September 17th, 2009 02:54 am (UTC)
I'm sorry I made you cry. But I did get the response I wanted.

This fic is about regret. Real, honest to God, regret.

And if I made you feel something, then I've done my job.

Thank you. *pets you and hands you kleenex*
evieliddyevieliddy on September 16th, 2009 11:49 am (UTC)
That. Was. Amazing! I don't think I've ever read anything of yours that's not crack before but you wrote this beautifully. So sad!
Maria: cannibal Brian - Meat Procurerslave_o_spike on September 17th, 2009 02:52 am (UTC)
Yep. This was definitely one of the sad ones. With a capital 'S.'

Why thank you. This is the only non-crack you've read of mine. Yeah, come to think of it, I write quite a bit of crack.

I must update my fic list.
Doriantdorian on September 16th, 2009 03:01 pm (UTC)
I LOVE it.It's terribly sad and so well written.i love it when you write crack fics because there are only a few authors with your kind of wry dark humor.But you're also very good when it comes to "serious"things.Great work.Aida
Maria: BJ slave_o_spike on September 17th, 2009 02:37 am (UTC)
Aida!!!! How I have missed you! *smooches*

Serious? LOL! Okay, well despite the whole zombie plot line going, yes this is quite serious and heavy on the angst.

Glad you loved this too and thank you dear. :)
Lynspike7451 on September 16th, 2009 03:38 pm (UTC)
Wow! This was so well written, beautiful actually.
Maria: BJ cuddleslave_o_spike on September 17th, 2009 02:36 am (UTC)
Another beautiful. *blushes yet again*

I love that everyone saw beyond the zombie plot line of this and knew what I was shooting for. Thank you! *hugs*
kika-kkika_k on September 16th, 2009 04:17 pm (UTC)
Holy s**t! but I like it!
Ah! Michael is the first one to fall!! *smirk*
Maria: B/J cha cha chaslave_o_spike on September 17th, 2009 02:33 am (UTC)
Holy Shit indeed! LOL!

Glad you liked and thank you! :)

(Yeah, Mikey fell first but after Deb - I couldn't stand the thought of her going after Mikey).
Bluemchenkaffee: Gale wakebluemchenkaffee on September 16th, 2009 04:36 pm (UTC)
This was brilliant, Maria. I so love horror stories.
It's wonderful to see you writing B/J stories again.

Maria: Angst BJ Missing Youslave_o_spike on September 17th, 2009 02:32 am (UTC)
Brilliant? Awww, thank you Susanne. *hugs you*

Now with my new keyboard, I might write lots more. :)
shenovashenova on September 16th, 2009 08:06 pm (UTC)
Wow that was just so sad poor Brian he never said those three words to Justin even though he knew he loved him. He had to watch all his friends die and then he had to kill Justin so sad. Loved the take on the movie though can't help watching a good zombie film. You never know one day it may happen????
Maria: Brian Predatoryslave_o_spike on September 17th, 2009 02:16 am (UTC)
See? he DID love him. We all saw evidence of that in S5 when he thought Justin could have died in Babylon after the bomb. So what if that never happened and this did?

I'm not sure. I mean, I can believe in seeing Santa Claus, or fairies, or gnomes. But zombies? God! I hope it never does. LOL!

Thank you and if you felt sad, that was the reaction I wanted from everyone. (I know, I'm demented that way).
sevigny7sevigny7 on September 17th, 2009 02:04 am (UTC)
Owie. No, double owie.

I hope that killing Brian and Justin (not to mention Ben and Ted) off doesn't mean you're through writing B/J...

Maria: Brian and Tedslave_o_spike on September 17th, 2009 02:14 am (UTC)
Yeah, I know.

I've been bad. *pouts*

No! Heavens no!!! I won't stop writing them. You'll know when I'm done with them. LOL!

I've just been in one of those moods. (You should see what I plan on doing with Orli and Sean and Viggo...)

Killing Ted was just fun. :P
(no subject) - sevigny7 on September 17th, 2009 03:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on September 17th, 2009 07:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)