The Sad Life of a Dick

Valentine's Day, chainsaw carved dicks and Death Race

Firstly, I would like to start off by saying Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

I don't have one of those cute graphics thingies, however I did include a picture of my favorite couple of all time.

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Next, in answer to the speculation raised by this article that also showed up in netlagd's journal, I was in no way involved with the chainsaw carving of the large male phallus (yes, netlagd, I don't know of any female phallus either. If there was, I would want one).

Here's a picture of the thing:

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Here's how you'll know it wasn't me and that I wasn't involved in any way, shape, or form:

1. There are only a few states in the union in which I am allowed to visit. Florida is not one of them.

2. My family would also have to be drunk to allow me anywhere near a chainsaw. That was why I wasn't allowed the lessons.

*snickers* It has some strange thing to do with wanting to keep my limbs right where they are. *shrugs*

3. If I had made the thing, I woud have based it on a (oops! sorry. That was supposed to be would - Freudian slip I guess) real penis. Ergo:

a. it would be much shorter.
b. it would be at half mast
c. and being that I am female and lean towards emasculating tendencies, I would have immediately chopped the thing down while yelling 'timber!'

So there you go!

Lastly, hubby bought the Death Race blue ray because he heard it was pretty cool.

I was a bit skeptical but I decided to watch it with Griffon and Donovan (who thought it was 'awesome!').

I gotta say, it was pretty awesome. I mean, what's not to like. You have:

1. Joan Allen as the prison warden who has a stick up her ass that's bigger than the penis tree (see picture above).

2. Ian McShane. Need I say more?

3. Cars that don't necessarily go fast but go boom an awful lot and it is fun to watch.

4. And of course, Jason Statham, who is pretty nice on the eyes.

It really isn't that bad and you know, I will always have a soft spot for the original Roger Corman 1975 movie, Death Race 2000 which starred David Carradine and a young Sylvester Stallone.

Here's the trailer for the new movie:

Elephant on trampoline

I'm glad I checked...

So I have someone who will beta my Brian/Justin horror fic for me.

Maybe she can talk me out of posting it...

Also, look at my pretty new layout!!!!!

Okay, it's still black and white, but look! Aragorn!

And regarding the subject title:


I woke up pretty early this morning so I could start on laundry (it may only be for 5 people now - Mallory and Alex do their own and Megan's in New York) but it's still alot.

I almost didn't check Griffon's jacket's pockets but at the last minute, I remembered to (I seriously check all pockets all the time - I was just still in sleep phase I guess).

Do you know what a bitch getting melted snowboard wax out of everything would have been?!?! *shudders*

Oh! And let's not forget his Snoqualmie Summit ski pass! *shudders and gets a bit light-headed*

I got everything done on my list that I had planned on doing today except for taking Rowan to a birthday party later tonight (there's always one I'm driving one of the kids to every Saturday).

How's everyone else's Saturday?
Severen Finger Lickin Good

An update...

Hi all!

First off, I would like to thank critic75 for my teddy bear hugs. *hugs you back*

I know I said I would post everyday but hey! I have 5 kids (okay one of them is in New York right now) and a business to run.

Sorry. *shrugs*

Seriously, I've been working more and when I'm not, there's so much other stuff to do.

I did write an original horror short (last post) in case anyone missed it or whatever. I didn't lock it though.

I decided to lock only the truly sensitive ones.

Anywho, I was trying to hunt down a picture of Severen from Near Dark, my absolute favorite vampire movie of all time, (of course, now it's running neck and neck - get it? - neck and neck? nevermind - with Let the Right One In) for my cooking corner banner - yes, it would fit *points to icon* - and I came across this article written back in October, The Most Unsexy Vampires in Movie History.

Okay, WTF?

Severen (Bill Paxton) not sexy?

How can anyone say that?

Did they actually see the film?

And I suppose they thought Lance Henriksen wasn't sexy in that one either? Then again, I'm a bit biased when it comes to Lance since I've had a crush on the man since his days of Aliens and Pumkinhead. God, can that man wear a pair of Levi's 501's!

So would anyone want to beta a Brian/Justin horror story (post season 5)?
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Sean Bean "Smile"

Orlibean standalone "A game of One-upmanship"

Okay, this might be it but I'm not sure.

So here is a sequel to What to do when you're doing hard time. Yes, and unlike the others, this is actually a sequel.

And yes, I will get to fb from the last story, I've just been a bit busy. :)

Title: A Game of one-upmanship
Pairing: Orlibean
Rating: NC-17 for mansex
Warnings: They are 2 serial killers, remember? Anything goes.
Summary: Sean and Orlando play a game of one-upmanship as they each talk about parts of their past.

Disclaimer: I don't own the boys and I'm sure they're not like this in real life.

Well, at least I certainly hope not.

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Orlando sighing

Orlibean one-shot "Letters to Sean" prequel to prequel

So I think I told some people that I had a crazy idea for a prequel for the prequel in the Socio!Sean and Socio!Orlando verse. So this is the prequel to A Shift in the Usual which is a prequel to What to do when you're doing hard time.

Title: Letters to Sean
Pairing: future Orlibean
Rating: PG-13? Maybe.
Warnings: implied graphic violence, disturbing images but all around good fun.

Summary: These are the letters a star struck Orlando wrote to Sean (which we know didn't get sent to him but these are them all the same).

Disclaimer: I don't own the boys or a sane thought in my head.

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Orli - slave_o_spike

Orlibean one-shot "A Shift in the Usual"

So, for doylebaby who requested orlibean, I give you what some people requested when they read What to do when you're doing hard time, the one-shot with Eric's POV about Sean and Orlando in jail together.

Here is the prequel to that story.

So enjoy!

Title: A Shift in the Usual
Pairing: Orlando/Sean
Rating: PG-13?
Warnings: Reference to violence and some swearing
Summary: Prequel to my Orlibean standalone "What to do when you're doing hard time." This shows how Orli came to be in the cell block.

Disclaimer: I don't own these boys. I would never suggest these boys are that sociopathic in real life.

Well, maybe Dommie...

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Snake Pliskin

Men are good for something I suppose...

Okay, Joe is da man!

Seriously. :)

Before he started ordering parts and transferring my hard drive to his computer, he decided to open the damn thing up and voila!

He did this and that, used his Fluke meter, did a funny little dance, turned the thing on and wham!

I was on again. :)

What was the problem?

*looks sheepish*

Apparently someone *whistles innocently* dumped a whole batch of paper clips behind her desk and somehow they shorted out something behind the tower.

I don't know. I couldn't understand Mac speak (and Joe does it so well) but I got the one raised eyebrow look when all was said and done.

I hate when he does that. Makes me want to shave the damn thing right off his head.

So I'm here again. I'm going to respond to all the feedback that I haven't responded to so far.

I had planned on writing up my lasagna recipe for today (it's Friday after all) but I'll just have to do it tomorrow.

Good news though! All W-2's are out and my quarterly report to Employment
Security has been done and submitted so all's well there.

And for a walk down memory lane of lj entries past, for those of you who were around during my laptop woes, remember this picture? LOL!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Roasted ibook keypad!!!!
Mutant Enemy I need a hug

Yeah I know...

I really did mean to post once a day BUT my computer's power supply decided to go kablooey so there you go.

I'm on hubby's Mac for now and me posting using his keyboard and with everyone being able to watch me?

Not gonna happen.

Not to mention I've been a bit busy with the end of the year W2's I have to do and whatnot.

Once he fixes my computer, I'll be up and running again

Hope you are all doing well. :)

I stole this writing meem from liriel1810

I'm keeping to my New Year's resolution to write something once a day here.

So here I am!

Before I go into this writing meme I stole from liriel1810, I would like to say for a bunch of people who want me to write more in the cannibal verse, you have a funny way of showing it. LOL! I wrote a nice snippet that includes a spoofing of the infamous 'Tom Jones' eating scene and I've only received 5 comments!

I'm not mad, I'm just curious. Do you not want me to throw in new characters every once in a while? It's not part of the main story, just something to have fun with. Anywho, if you did read it, just let me know. It's the only way I know if anyone is actually reading my stuff.

I'd like to say that rosy500 made dinner for her family tonight using my antipasta and garlic bread recipe. Apparently dinner was a huge success and that makes me all kinds of happy because it was nice to know I was the cause of that.

On to the meme. If you like this meme, you can go ahead and either repost this on your own lj or respond to me with answers of your own. :)

Do you ever write something and then think, 'Whoa! Where the hell did that come from?'?

Uh, have you read my stuff?!?! Of course I fucking do! All the freakin time. In fact, I'm pretty certain my hand every so often becomes possessed and I just start writing the most bizarre stuff whatsoever. I then wake up about an hour later lying in nothing but a pair of tassels, a thong stuffed with twenty dollar bills and cotton mouth.

How do you get yourself out of a block or slump in your writing – when you just can't write anything?

I pray to Satan. Then I have Waffle perform a voodoo ritual. Of course, voodoo sometimes requires a sacrifice and I haven't been able to find Mr. Blik lately and Waffle has this guilty look on his face.

Or, it could just be that he looks like a phallus symbol and hasn't been getting any.

What is your favorite type of story?

Seriously, angst and horror. I write comedy well and dark humor even better, but I do love good horror.

What genre do you wish that you could write, but have never really attempted?

Romance. It's so hard for me to be serious writing that. I may start off that way and then it just ends up descending into humor and then downright crack. I think I almost achieved serious romance with Through a Mirror Darkly but I had to throw in the dark humor, the alternate universes, monsters and Joe.

Do you ever read over your own work months or years later and either pick it to pieces or are impressed at some of the concepts and the phrases you used?

Pfft! Hell yeah. Every now and then I'll read something from way back - or last week - and think, OMG, what pain meds was I on? Especially since I couldn't remember even getting any.

Then there are times when I read something over and think, 'wow, I was really clever there.' I must remember what I was doing then and do it more often.

And then there is of course, no matter what I read over, I always think, 'I seriously need a beta because my grammar and sentence structure suck.'

Do you have to concentrate not to use your own personal sayings/expressions in your stories? Or do they creep in, in spite of your best efforts?

Yep. I have to be really careful about not letting anything slip into my dialog that might clue people in to me and my multiple personality dis...

Um ignore that.

Yes, I'm always having to be careful that I'm not too irreverent or sardonic with my dialog.

In case you were wondering, I was actually being quite serious there. :)

Can you write out of sequence, or do you need the story to flow chronologically?

Actually yes, I can. And I have. However, when writing Through a Mirror Darkly, I had to write that chronologically because the story was hard enough to keep straight what with the two Brians, the two different worlds and the two different situations.

I have the ending of the cannibal fic already written right now as a matter of fact.

Do you ever feel the urge to rewrite a story you've read, exploring the 'missed opportunities' in the original version?

Yes, but then I don't want to because what would be the point? Most people wouldn't read it again anyway.

But there are times I've sat around and thought, 'oh shit! I forgot to put that in there!' but if I changed something everyone loved, would they want to visit it again? Seriously?

So there you go!!!
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